Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

I was asked, the other day, how I manage to keep my youthful good looks. Apparently I didn’t look like the old pot-bellied, beer swilling drunk that my inquisitor assumed normally hangs out at Bangkok girly bars. I say assumed because I doubt that they’ve ever been to one and that they have built up their cherrished stereotype from hearsay.

Excessive beer swilling does, of course, promote pot bellies regardless of what bar you drink it in. But I don’t drink excessive amounts of beer nor do I visit girly bars all that often. I do both sometimes and I enjoy myself when I do but it’s mostly for networking. When I entertain birgirls it’s usually a pre-arranged rendezvous in the afternoon. Most of the time I’m early to bed and early to rise, hitting the gym at 6.00am and never eating junk food or drinking soda.

It helps keep my body in reasonable shape so I can enjoy abusing it all the more.

I get the impression sometimes that lots of people think a ‘girlfriend experience’ is something elusive and mysterious. In case there is anyone who doesn’t know the term, a girlfriend experience is a rendezvous with a sex worker who … well … behaves more like a girlfriend than a sex worker.

She is someone who is good at giving the impression that she actually likes you and enjoys having sex with you rather than just lying back and counting the dollar signs. Well of course, that is the kind of service we all prefer but what baffles me is why some people think it is harder to find than the golden fleece itself.

I was talking to a girl the other day who made me think about this. We’d just had a post coital doze and were getting dressed. “Thank you,” she said, “you make me happy.” I told her that I was glad that I could make her cum too.

“Not only,” she said. “Last customer was a very boring man, he no smile, he no talk. I feel very scare … so I make him cum very quickly. He pay 2 hour but him finish, him go 30 minutes only. He not say anything but I afraid he angry … but now I happy again,” and she gave me a big hug.

Sex work is a risky business and you can understand some girls being a bit reserved at first. Of course, there are those that are never going to lighten up but for the most part my encounters are always cheerful and friendly. They are human beings and they respond well to being treated as such.

Call me old fashioned but I’ve never been into really hard core porn. If I’m going to fantasise about girl I don’t want to see some other bloke’s dick thrusting in and out. I want to see my dick. Now I know I’m supposed to imagine it’s my dick in the picture or movie but I that doesn’t work for me. My dick wouldn’t pull out and spray cum all over her face.

I’ll come in her mouth and I’ll cum in her pussy. If I’ve had to pull out because we’ve been risking it I’ll come in her hands, on her tramp stamp or sometimes all over the bed sheets. Though I haven’t needed to do that since I had the snip and besides my current lifestyle dictates I bag it up on a regular basis. But I do like a cuddle afterwards and if her face is covered in spooge, even mine, it rather puts me off.

I have plenty of other fetishes mind you. I quite like being pee’d on and I love girls with unusual contrasts. Black girls with blonde hair, Chinese girls with Scottish accents, any kind of girl in coloured wigs. I enjoy 50-year old MILFs as well as 20-year old babes.

But variety is the spice of life and there are plenty of people out there that do like the money shots so if you’re one of them, these three bukake babes are for you.

See also: A bit of rough stuff

Here’s a trio of delicious, brown shaved pussies. Why? Because they are trio of delicious, brown shaved pussies. What other reason could you need? Oh all right, they are called Emelie, Maya, and Janelyn.

Some years ago in Hong Kong I was walking back to the office after a liquid lunch with some colleagues. Along Pottinger Street there are a lot of fancy dress stalls. One of the girls in the group decided it was the perfect time to try on a a few coloured wigs and feather boas.

She was pretty enough but no more than average. In a pink wig however she sent shockwaves down my spine and I had to duck behind the George W Bush halloween masks to adjust my trousers.

Asian girls quite often put highlights in their hair, it’s very attractive. Once in a while you see one with their hair dyed blonde but this is quite rare. A shame because it’s really very sexy. Brightly coloured wigs are just visual viagra but outside of Japanese cosplay you never see Asian girls wearing them. Even in porn it is rare.

I’m all wet

Me, I’ve been off mountain biking in China. Pedaling furiously between mysterious pinnacles of limestone. Stopping occasionally to catch my breath as I round a gnarled and bushy karst to catch sight of emerald green rice fields and the sound of children’s laughter echoing of the rock.

Such wholesome pursuits provide me with a great deal of recreation plus little income but rural China is not a great place for getting your leg over. There’s no shortage of hot babes but unless you are the marrying kind they are firmly out of bounds.

Anyway I slunk back into Hong Kong with the intention of winging down to Bangkok pronto only to discover that the City of Angels is in danger of joining Atlantis on the bottom of the ocean. A few phone calls put my mind at ease. Yes, the bars are still serving and “Please come to Bangkok Khun Seymour, no have customer” they all wailed.

What with floods, red shirts, yellow shirts, avian flu and so on and so forth - it seems like every year something fucks up the peak tourist season. So if you had been planning a trip don’t cancel just because of t bit of water. The girls will be really pleased to see you.