Seymour Totti's Foreign Policy

Mating dance

Seymour Totti — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:11:23 +0000

Click to see her naked

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A group of masked women in Guanhgzhou, China stripped down to their bras and panties and danced outside a subway station in the hope of attracting husbands. According to the Guangzhou Daily they were handing out slips of paper with their personal details and info about the kind of man they would like to marry.

The ‘Crazy Beauties’, as they called themselves, said they had deliberately timed the event to coincide with International Women’s Day.

Xing Zi, the organiser of the show, said: “We planned this to stand as a declaration. This is to prove we have enough confidence and determination.”

Dancer, Xiao Xuan, explained: “We think we are beauties, but we can’t find our Mr Rights. Our age is close to 30, so we have to do something.” Apparently the girls are under intense pressure from their families to tie the know.

I’d marry them all, wouldn’t you?

My first porn shoot

Seymour Totti — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:56:37 +0000

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I shot my first nudey pictures the other day. It was the cleaning ladyboy that suggested it. He’s only seen my travel pictures before because that’s mostly what I do. Never-the-less he had faith in me.

He also had a girl who was keen to do some modelling. What kind of girl I asked. “A real girl!” he pouted and sashayed off to the kitchen. It wasn’t really what I’d meant. I’d wanted to know if she was a bargirl or student or whatever. “She just a friend, I think you make very nice photo her.” He said. Is she over eighteen, I asked. “Oh yes, I think so.” he giggled. I told him set up a time.

I have shot the occasional girlfriend in the past but those instances were never more than half a dozen snaps as a prelude to fucking. I had learned enough from those sessions, though, to know that lighting was going to be a bit tricky. All I had at my disposal was a cantankerous old mono-light and brolly.

I did have plenty of sunlight but at 2.30 in the afternoon, when the appointment was set, that is more of a curse than a blessing. Still, I wasn’t about to let it put me off, I was rather warming to the idea.

They arrived at the appointed time. Milf, I thought as she walked through the door. Hotter than Hades but a milf none-the-less. But was she really? Her name was May. She told me she worked in a factory making leather bags, she had no children and had never even been married. She was 29 years-old. In a country where so many girls are mothers before their 20th birthday this was a rare thing indeed.

Could it be that I was alone in my apartment with one of the most rare and exotic beasts that ever lurked on the dappled fringes of mans fantasies? Was this a horny Thai woman on the cusp of cougar-hood that was about to take all her clothes off?

The shoot progressed quite well. We were both a bit stiff to start with, though not in the same way. But it didn’t take long for her to relax and to start enjoying herself.

Play with your pussy, I told her, forget about me - see if you can make yourself cum. “Cannot.” she said. Why, when did you last cum. “Mmm two days ago.” Boyfriend? “No, have toy. No have boyfriend.”

I shot a bunch of close-ups from the end of the bed but by this time the sun was streaming through the window at such an angle that it became impossible to do much more. Enough! I declared.

I’d always known shooting porn wouldn’t be easy but it was satisfying. I put the camera on the floor and propped myself up on my elbows between her knees and watched while she continued to play with herself. Feel good? I asked. “Mmmm.”

Are you gonna cum? “Mm… maybe..,” She paused for a moment, “… but you have to help.”

You can see some of the pictures by clicking here or on the the pics above.

Free pics of: Asian milfs
Site review: Mature Asia

Bom Bom from Met

Seymour Totti — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:25:48 +0000

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I haven’t seen any new Asians from Met-Art for a long time now. Now much as I admire the Met models and the photographers that capture them so beautifully I firmly believe that variety is the spice of life. So come on chaps get on the plane and show us a little eastern intrigue.

In the meantime here is a gallery of Bom Bom. I haven’t the faintest idea where she comes from but she does have a very nice smile.

See: Met-Art’s Abby Chan
More: Met-art Asians
See also: Awsome colours
See also: Five naked girls
See also: The Spice of Life
See also: Porn without borders

Sisters of mercy

Seymour Totti — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:17:07 +0000

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Occasionally I get asked if I ever miss the fulfilment of a long-term relationship and the comfort of a stable home. And the answer is always no, not in the slightest. I tried the relationship thing, they’re great at the beginning but eventually I always feel manipulated and taken for granted.

Some people do find their soul mates and that’s great for them but I think the closest thing I ever found to soul mates were two women who picked me up after one of my wrecked relationships and put me back on the rails.

Sally and Fae ran a small company. I’d tried to chat up Sally in a pub one Friday night. The chat-up didn’t go quite as planned. I found myself getting interviewed as a potential freelancer that she could do business with at a later date rather doing the business with later that night.

A few days later she introduced me to Fae and I did business and the business with her first. It was a couple of weeks later, after a liquid lunch, that Sally finally asked if she could come and see my etchings. I asked her if she was sure. “Absolutely,” she replied, “Fae has told me all about them.”

The idea of an open relationship was never specifically defined, it was left to settle gently. The honesty was a bit of a shock at first but it wasn’t long before it felt perfectly natural. Over the next couple of years we all remained good friends with work-lives and sex-lives happily overlapping.

They never invaded my life, never bought me shirts, never invited me to meet the parents and never expected me to spend my Saturday afternoons trudging round shops looking at shoes. They were happy with me just as I was and because of that I felt a deeper affection for them.

Nor was there ever a hint of jealousy. Though we frequently had dinners and drinks together we never did have sex as a threesome. “You wouldn’t expect that of sisters now would?” quipped Sally the only time I floated the idea.

Sisters? I looked at her long, blonde Nordic form stretched out on the bed an then thought of Fae, who was a delicious tropical mix with the African genes getting a slightly upper hand, and decided not to pursue that line any further. This was already fantasy enough … for now.

The pictures want to click with you

Playing away

Seymour Totti — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:06:48 +0000

	. Girls from the Philippines are popular everywhere. This is because, gorgeous though they are, they usually speak English well. As a result you’ll find Filipinas working all over Asia. But it is good to catch them on their home turf.

Shrink rap

Seymour Totti — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:00:58 +0000

Click the pic and pull the pudding

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Looks like I’m going to be suffering from Hypersexual Disorder by the year 2013. Hypersexual disorder is essentially enjoying frequent sexual activity with lots of different people, or at least wanting to.

I don’t suffer from it yet because the book in which it is going to be defined, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - which apparently is the dogs bollocks of psychiatric reference books - isn’t going to be updated until then.

Those of you that think I’m already sick (yes, I got your e-mails) needn’t laugh either. You are going to be classified as suffering from Absexuality Disorder along with everyone else that gets a secret thrill out of being disgusted by porn and obscenity.

I would reply to your missives but I can’t be bothered. According to the new book that means I also suffer from cognitive tempo disorder.

And there are plenty more; Intermittent explosive disorder means having a hissy fit and sexual arousal disorder is the new term for “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”

Speaking to The Times Online, Darrel Regier, research director of the American Psychiatric Association and a member of the task force working on the manual, said: “One of the reasons for doing this is that we are concerned about establishing better thresholds of diagnosis for people with a genuine disorder.”

I think he’s suffering from Elevated Importance of Quackery Syndrome which is; expanding the market by inventing new conditions to diagnose and prescribe for.

Click the pic to see some photos of Japanese nurse Nana Takesita who, I might add, has a perfectly edible shaved pussy. Better do it quick, pretty soon they’ll be coming after you with straight jackets and bromide tea.

Happy Chinese New Year

Seymour Totti — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 09:25:51 +0000

Hung Hei Fat Choi! That’s the Cantonese greeting, it means “Happy and prosperous new year”.

This year it falls on Valentine’s day so I would imagine the high street shops and restaurants will loose out a bit.

In Hong Kong it’s wet, cold and miserable. I’m miserable too because all my favourite girls have buggered off back to the mainland to be with families for what they call the Spring Festival over there. Most of them will be gone for two weeks, some wont even come back.

But we’ve got plenty of porn to keep us going. Here’s a bunch of hot Chinese pussy to make your heart beat and help usher in the year of the tiger. We’ve got shaved, hairy and pissing because variety is the spice of life.

Same, same but no different

Seymour Totti — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 13:23:00 +0000

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Durex have been promoting new Featherlite Elite Ultima a lot recently. How are these different from garden variety Featherlite Ultima I wondered. After their last re-pimping effort I was a tad suspicious. So I called up Ellie and put the matter to her. “Exactly the same,” she said, “just a new box. Bring a pack of each anyway and we’ll compare”

Ellie is a young lady from Shanghai who I’ve been seeing recently. Normally her clients are businessmen and financial types from around Asia which normally would put her out of my league but she says; “I like to speak English with you and I like big, fat English sausages. I give you good discount.”

I picked up the condoms on the way over to her place. The foil wrapping on the individual pieces confirmed what she had said. Never-the-less she took one away and stretched it, sniffed it, poked it and filled it with water while I took pictures of the boxes. Afterwards she put me on the bed, deftly slipped one onto me and clambered on top. “That’s the old one” she said, giving me a delicious wiggle. Then she jumped off, changed it and repeated the process; “See, just the same.”

Keep doing that circular wiggly thing, I told her, I just want to be sure.

See also: Condom wars

A good face for memories

Seymour Totti — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:35:58 +0000

It’s funny how random memories drift into your mind. Some years ago, after business trip to Osaka, I’d taken the train over to Kyoto.

The plan was to get up early and do some sight-seeing before going on to Tokyo.

I stayed at a traditional Ryokan. Checked in late but I was served a meal by the daughter who came by after and asked if I would like to talk. She was about 20 and wrapped in a kimono, I couldn’t really see her figure except that it was slim. But she had a very pretty face.

After an hour or so she got up and said goodnight. Her body left but her face stayed with me most of the night. I had to imagine the rest. In the morning she was leaving for college just as I set out. “I hope you stay with us next time you come to Kyoto,” she smiled.

Some Japanese hardcore galleries

Seymour Totti — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 06:27:27 +0000

Tsubomi

Kanako Aso

Maria Ozawa

Juri Matsuzaka

Hinayo Motoki

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Since I know how much you guys like Japanese girls I have assembled a bumper crop of Japanese girls being delightfully disgraceful. We have a mix of picture and movie galleries, just click on the thumbs and .. well I guess you know the routine.

And if they are not enough for you check out these links to previous posts

See also: Eri Omochika’s Pussy
Site Review: Mumo Sengen/G-Queen

A big swinging dick by any other name

Seymour Totti — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 03:32:31 +0000

My Zeb is bigger than your Zeb. Click it to lick it.

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Akbar Zeb is a high flying diplomat from Pakistan. He has served as the country’s High Commissioner to Canada and as their ambassador to South Africa. But he has been rejected for diplomatic positions the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain and, most recenlty, Saudi Arabia.

The reason for this is because Akbar Zeb, in a splendid case of life imitates Monty Python, translates as ‘Biggest Dick’ in Arabic. Now you can’t have him swanning around in diplomatic circles, introducing himself as Biggest Dick to people who probably consider themselves to be substantially bigger dicks than he is. Whatever would the serfs think.

Watch that: classic Monty Python clip

Walk on the wild side

Seymour Totti — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:15:32 +0000

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I was wandering around the Bangla Road area in Patong. Stopping for a beer every now and then observing the scenery. Soi Sea Dragon still seemed fairly quiet, except that when I turned into it the first girl that I passed reached out and pinched my bum.

I’d never had my bum pinched in Thailand before so it took me by a bit of a surprise. But lo and behold, before I had gone but a few more paces, it happened again. It’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling but I have to confess I did discretely check my pockets. Nothing amiss. The only thing unusual was yet another tweak at the old buttock. So I decided to stop for a beer.

What was going on I asked, why was I getting my bum pinched so often in Soi Sea Dragon when it never gets piched anywhere else? They smiled and gave me my beer but they didn’t say anything. I think it must be a Soi Sea Dragon thing because it didn’t happen anywhere else. I haven’t been back there to see if it happens again.

Tight Chinese Pussy

Seymour Totti — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:15:44 +0000

It comes up in pub conversation sometimes that, because Asian girls are famous for their tight pussies, is there any one nationality tighter than the rest? Of course there is no answer to that but it is usually the prelude you a round of tales, from the assembled company, about particularly nice ones we’ve known recently with regard to tightness.

I always end up talking about girls from mainland China. Not because I think they are particularly tighter than anywhere else but because they think western men are significantly bigger. Especially the part-time girls who come down to Hong Kong on short stay visa to top up their bank accounts.

These girls usually have no experience of western men other than what they’ve heard about. And that is that we all have huge cocks. So when you knock on their doors expecting admission they can react in one of two ways.

One is that they get a bit scared and worry that you are going to hurt them. I always give them plenty of opportunity to back out if they want to. It’s really no fun trying to have sex with a girl who is so worried about getting hurt she slops on so much lube that it gets inside the condom and the damn thing comes off.

The other type get really excited about having the opportunity to try out one our mythical members. One girl was so pleased that after the shower she called her two colleagues over to admire the appendage and give it a squeeze. I felt like a piece of meat. It was great.

See also: How tight is you pussy
See also: Rare China Pussy

iPorn

Seymour Totti — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 14:48:20 +0000

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Hooray for mobile phone porn! Though I must admit I’ve never used a mobile phone for looking at porn, the screen just isn’t big enough. The only time I would conceivably use it is on an airplane. But I just don’t recall the last time I was on a flight long enough to necessitate skulking off to the toilet with a Blackberry for a swift right-hander.

But I do take my hat off to all the wonderful people that produce it and the technology that permits it. I’ve had a soft spot for totally amateur porn ever since the days I used to search (in vain) for pictures of Charlie Paget’s mum in the Readers Wives section of Fiesta magazine.

With the launch of the iPad we now have a mobile device that offers the privacy of a phone with a screen size that would do justice to Charlie’s mother … or any other kind of porn for that matter. Though Apple seems keen to boast it’s features as an e-reader and communication device the fact that you can download up to 64 gigs of porn into it and schlepp off to the potting shed leaving the computer to the kids and the Mrs to American Idol is what will make it a winner.

I foresee a day when you’ll be able to buy iPads, or clones thereof, already pre-loaded with pics and movies and branded with a future generation’s equivalent of Fiesta or Razzle.

In the meantime, if you do find those pics of Charlie Paget’s mum, forward ‘em to me would ya.

See also: Readers Wives

A bit of rough stuff

Seymour Totti — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 14:20:03 +0000

. . I had an e-mail the other day from a gentleman who wondered why I never post any hardcore. It was a good question. I have nothing against hardcore porn, I don’t find it particularly erotic myself but there’s plenty of folks that do. To me it is the kind of porn you watch when you mates are round for beer and pizza on a Sunday afternoon. You discuss technique and comfort levels - is that position practical in a real-life scenario and how can anyone produce that much spooge in a single orgasm? For my private enjoyment I prefer solo girls or girl-on-girl. Call me old fashioned but I have no interest in other peoples dicks especially when those dicks are fucking my fantasy girl or cumming all over her face. Never-the-less I wont have it said that I don’t listen to my readers so here are a couple of pics and a clip to get the ball rolling. I will post more in due course.

To see loads more of pics and movies of Goy and her friends getting a jolly good seeing to CLICK HERE

Thai Girls Wild

Seymour Totti — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:33:17 +0000

Another brand new site just launched is Thai Girls Wild … and I know a thing or two about them. The site is totally hardcore and totally amateur.

It claims to have “The biggest and hottest collection of Thai ex girlfriend videos”. It also boasts Thai emo girls … I guess that means coloured hair and tats etc, how can you be emo when you’re born in the land of smiles? But I do like coloured hair and tats, I don’t care what you call it.

I don’t have any samples yet but as soon as I do I’ll post them but if you just can’t wait click these thumbs to go direct to the site.

I don’t know about you but I am really excited this site. Heh, I’m even hoping I’ll see some of my old friends in there.

Website: Thai Girls Wild

Smooth as silk

Seymour Totti — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:46:13 +0000

Premier Japanese shaved pussy site Rikitake has re-launched and re-branded itself Girls Delta. All the original content is on the new site and fresh pictures and movies are being added daily. These are top quality pics with the newest ones having a resolution up to 3500px plus HD movies.

I haven’t been into the site but I hope you enjoy these selections from the public area of the site. Click the thumbnails. For more just surf on over here.

Website: Girls Delta

Psst, dirty pictures?

Seymour Totti — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:50:34 +0000

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The French national library, Bibliothque Nationale in Paris, is showing off some of its porn collection. More than 350 books and prints from it’s smut section, officially known as L’enfer (hell) are on display until March 2.

L’Enfer houses books that have been purchased, confiscated or donated over the past 170 years. I haven’t been to Paris but according to The Independent newspaper it is “… a quietly and intelligently displayed but garish cornucopia of sadism, masochism, bestiality, scatology, bums, tits and staring genitalia. It is also a fascinating, and sometimes beautiful, expedition through the dark, winding corridors of the human psyche.”

Until now the collection has only been open to bona fide researchers but the explosion of porn all over the internet has persuaded the library that it is OK to put it on display.

“Twenty years ago, such an exhibition would have been unthinkable, certainly one sponsored by a state body such as the Bibliothque Nationale,” Marie-Franoise Quignard, one of the two curators told newspaper.

If you’re in Paris before March 2 the L’Enfer de la Bibliotheque, Eros aus secret is open at the Bibliothque Francois Mitterrand in the 13th arrondissement from 10am to 7pm, Tuesdays to Saturdays and from 1pm to 7pm on Sundays. Under 16s are banned.

Android Love

Seymour Totti — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 10:35:37 +0000

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Life like (well almost) love dolls have been around for a while but up until now they have always been mute and static. The launch of True Companion’s Roxxxy at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas this weekend is set to change all that.

Roxxxy comes with built-in computer and several personalities. She can hear you, speak to you and feel your touch. A mechanical heart powers a liquid cooling system and she boasts three “inputs” each with robotic movement.

The prototype is Caucasian, 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighs 120 pounds but according to its creator, Douglas Hines, clients can customise it to suit their own preferences. The on-board personalities range from Frigid Farrah to S&M Susan with Wild Wendy and Mature Martha in between. These too can be customised and tweaked by the owner.

The love doll has wireless internet connection to facilitate software updates. There is also an owners forum where people can swap and share customised personalities.

Roxxxy has been two-and-a-half years and between US$500,000 and US$1 million in the making. She retails between US$7,000-9,000 depending on customised features. If your in Asia that’s probably between 120-150 short-times and you never have to buy it a drink.

At present she is not able to walk so she can’t come and haul you out of the pub just when you are having fun and she can’t hide the TV remote when the footy is about to start. But I do wonder, however, how long it will be before the league of enraged ex-wives and girlfriends infiltrate the forum surreptitiously swapping personalities that do nothing but nag and have headaches. Let’s just hope they have an ‘off’ switch.

Website: True Companion
Youtube: Douglas Hines at AVN

Condom Wars

Seymour Totti — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 15:10:44 +0000

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Okamoto’s new line, the 0.02 Hydro, are being heavily marketed in Hong Kong. These, presumably, are the brand’s response to the Sagami Premium. They are made from polyurethane and have the same specs as the Sagami and, since those had been such a pain in the arse to get on, I had decided not to investigate further.

But then I read on Carnal Nation that a tiny dob of lube can help ease a truculent todger into a tight fitting bag. That, and the advertising on the sides of buses on the subway continually nagging at me caused, me to relent.

They come in shiny, black plastic packaging with gold print. “The real 0.02″ proclaims a red rosette stuck onto the plastic. The individual condoms in matt black wrappers. The girl I’d found to try tham out with looked at them with a critical eye. She unwrapped one and sniffed at the clear polyurethane, odourless. She nodded her approval.

Right at the beginning we had the same problem that I’d had with the Sagamoto so rather than persevere and put a fingernail through it we went for the lube option. I must admit I have grave reservations about getting lube on the inside of a condom. I’ve known some Chinese girls that like to slop the stuff on most liberally. The problem with this is that the lube works it’s way up the shaft and into the top of the condom whereupon it lubricates the condom right off again.

I squeezed out an amount about the size of a pea and lightly massaged it into the head. She had to unroll the condom part way and stretch the opening out to get it over the glans while I held the tip with one hand and the base of my cock with the other. It took all four hands but we got it on. A hit of Viagra had helped ensure the appendage didn’t go into a sulk.

She gave it a cursory blow job and indicated that it tasted alright but I think the exercise was making her quite horny too. She wanted to fuck right away so she hopped on cowgirl style. “Waaah” she said as it slipped in. She worked me for a while and then gave me the most adorable look of surprise.

She buried her face in my neck, pulled me over onto the top and clung tight, thrashing as her orgasm reached its peak. Afterwards, while she was still panting, I knew I had to pull out. She was reluctant to let me go but when I pointed out that the condom was almost off she understood. I could feel it but she couldn’t. As I withdrew it was only the tightness of the opening that had stopped it coming off completely. “Good,” she said, “but dangerous.”

To finish off I used an Okamoto 0.03 latex with aloe lubricant. Latex has much greater elasticity and is definitely more comfortable to wear. I’m not sure if the difference in feel is all that significant, I’ll do a few more A-B comparisons. I must admit I got a bit side-tracked into watching this partner enjoy her orgasm. Certainly if you’re allergic to latex this is the best of the bunch. Though having said that, now that I have a technique for getting them on, it would be worth revisiting the Sagami Premium.

Read: Carnal Nation
See also: The world’s most expensive condom
See also: Condom Vs Condom

Happy New Year

Seymour Totti — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:15:46 +0000

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.Let’s hope it’s a good one … my new years resolution is to get laid as much as possible. Same as last year. It’s a good resolution to make and one that I enjoy striving for. And I hope that you also get laid at every available opportunity.
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A Christmas Carol

Seymour Totti — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 01:41:02 +0000

	A girl I went to visit yesterday wore a Santa hat. Nice touch I thought. She also opened a window and let the sound of a brass band into the room. We fucked to the strains of Oh come all ye faithfull. Pure class! Natacha is dressed for boxing day.

Bah, humbug

Seymour Totti — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:04:50 +0000

Have a good one and may you all get what you wish for in stockings

Showtime at the Long Gun

Seymour Totti — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 15:41:07 +0000

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.She flung herself at the pole and, clinging with her right leg and both hands, spun around like a top. The toe of her left boot whizzed within inches of the head of a punter who was sitting at the stage side.

As the spin lost momentum she flipped herself over and landed, heels first, with a loud crash onto the stage floor. This was greeted with whoops and cheers from her colleagues around the bar, and blood curdling scream from Ton who had tucked herself under my right arm.

A second dancer didn’t even have the boots on anymore. Coming out of her spin she also went head over heels on the pole and planted her bare bum squarely on the head of another customer. Ton made a mental note to try that move sometime.

Most go go bars in Bangkok don’t have the space for such antics. It could be argued that the Long Gun doesn’t either but that is part of the attraction. The Long Gun is really quite a small bar so a certain amount of ‘audience participation’ is inevitable.

On an occasion when I was called upon to assist, the lovely Ton turned herself upside down between two poles. Coming out of the move she swung a leg over each of my shoulders and slid, pussy first, into my face. All I had to do was stick out my tongue for a sweet lick. I refrained, of course, for fear that she might lose concentration and crash to the floor breaking my neck along the way.

The Long Gun is one of Soi Cowboy’s oldest bars. According to Ton it currently employs about fifty dancers in total. Not all of them work the poles so spectacularly. Others do themed costume dances in which the themed costumes, such as schoolgirls and Hawaiian beach babes, are gradually removed during the course of three or four songs. There are slow and sexy lesbian routines and a selection of tricks from the infamous pussy shows that have intrigued and amused for donkeys years.

They don’t do a full complement of tricks. The show has been streamlined to fit within the context of a broader presentation. This is a good thing because some of them can get a bit tedious. But whistles, blow darts and banana torpedoes are all in evidence. “Need strong pussy,” says Ton informatively.

The blow darts are fired at balloons which are often held aloft by members of the audience.

The star of the bar is Apple. She’s a striking lady with punky, bleach-blonde hair. Unfortunately she is quite hard to catch. Ton tells me she doesn’t work every night. I went along on three consecutive nights, Thursday to Saturday, in the hope of buying her a drink and having a chat but was unlucky each time.

Even if you are not lucky enough to see Apple it is still a great show. Just remember, if you are bellying up to the stage, that you might be part of it.

See also: A gogo girl at Buffalo Bridge
See also: Paddy’s bar

Porn study goes floppy

Seymour Totti — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:05:32 +0000

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Scientists at the University of Montreal, Canada, had to ditch a study of pornography because they couldn’t find any men who had not watched hardcore movies before.

Their idea was to get two groups of men in their twenties to compare regular porn users with those who had never seen explicit films. The problem was, according to The Sun, they couldn’t find any blokes that had never watched hardcore porn.

“The objective of my work is to observe the impact of pornography on the sexuality of men, and how it shapes their perception of men and women.” Explained Professor Simon Louis Lajeunessesaid.

“We started our research seeking men in their twenties who had never consumed pornography but we couldn’t find any.”

So they were forced to change it to studying the habits of men who did use porn. They discovered that single men viewed porn for 40 minutes three times a week while those in relationships watch it 1.7 times a week for 20 minutes.

Do they get paid for this?

Am I gay?

Seymour Totti — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:41:42 +0000

Not me specifically but it’s a question I’ve been asked a few times now. The last time was a gentleman who had been to Bangkok and found the girl of his dreams only to discover that she was, in fact, a ladyboy. So besotted was he that he took the girl back to his hotel anyway and had; “the most awesome sex imaginable.”

Now back home his nights, it seems, are torn between lurid fantasies of ladyboys and fears that he might be gay.

I’ve encountered plenty of ladyboys over the years and some of them are very hot indeed but my interest has always been tempered by the knowledge that they have a penis. I have tried but I’m afraid I can find little enthusiasm for anyone’s dick but my own.

Captain Outrageous, on the other hand, is an expert. He is also a journalist who appreciates the economy of a direct question. So I put the matter to him.

Captain, are you gay?
Hah, how many times have I been asked that one? No, of course I’m not gay. Gay men are aroused by masculinity and that doesn’t do a thing for me. When I’m walking along the road or sitting on the subway I’m not looking at other men I’m looking at women who, I might add, I retain a healthy interest in. But that for me is the acid test, when you find yourself turned on by masculinity is when you can consider yourself gay.

But what could be more masculine than a penis?
The penis is a remarkable and beautiful part of the body and it is a great shame that it is more usually attached to a sweaty, ugly male. But there is a crossover point, ladyboys are not simply blokes in drag. As they move more into the ladyboy lifestyle they lose the essential mannerisms of maleness and adopt those of a female. That’s when they start to become interesting.

But nobody is really fooled into believing that a ladyboy is actually female
Don’t you believe it. I’d wager there have been times that you have ogled some girl without realising she was a ladyboy.

What you have to remember is that not all ladyboys work in the sex industry. Its not in a bargirls interest to try to hoodwink a customer into believing she’s a genetic girl. Things can turn ugly when they get back to the hotel and he discovers she’s not.

Ladyboys work in all areas of commercial life and, whilst there is no hard line between them, they can be divided into three main categories.

The first of these is the perhaps most visible. They are the boisterous girls you will find working in the cabarets, at Casanova bar in Nana Plaza, or trawling Sukhumvit Road late at night looking for customers. These tend to be the larger build girls, and sometimes they are outstandingly tall. These girls are quite obviously ladyboys and anyone attracted to this type is well aware of his own sexuality, comfortable with it and doesn’t give a hoot what anyone else thinks.

The second type are the most numerous. Most of the time you are aware that she is a ladyboy but by no means always. You’ll find her dancing in go go bars such as KC3 in Patpong. You’ll also find her working in beauty parlours, the fashion industry, design, PR, cosmetics counters and anywhere else where you could expect to find regular girls working.

They are very feminine but its their hands and voices that give them away. Their allure is quite difficult to describe. Not quite like that of a girl but definitely not that of a male. They are a third sex altogether. A female with a sexual appetite every bit as urgent as your own. People who are attracted to this type regard themselves as totally heterosexual but have a taste for adventure. They yearn for something more, something forbidden.

The last type are the least visible. This is because the changeover is almost complete and they are outwardly indistinguishable from genetic girls. They started taking hormones at a very early age, side-stepping puberty, developing natural breasts and abolishing the need to shave their chins. They rarely work the bars and if they do it only to raise enough cash for the operation. You can be attracted to this type without ever knowing she is a ladyboy.

I suppose if you are into anal they are the ideal companion then?
I’ve told you before sex with a ladyboy is explosive, you should try it yourself sometime.

Site: Captain Outrageous
Blog The Third Sex
See also: Interview with a pornographer

High as a kite

Seymour Totti — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 14:55:23 +0000

Asha has nothing to do with the story, she just looks great

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She was in tears. I don’t like making girls cry but this was beyond my control. “It’s p-p-purple” she wailed. I pointed out that it had been but now it had mostly faded to a yellowy-brown.

Then she begged me to tell her again about the flight of stairs in the Kathmandu hotel where the second from top step had snuck out from beneath me and left me to bounce down the rest. Largely on my right buttock. This was rewarded with another peal of laughter

I decided not to mention the indignity of the following morning when I’d had to squeeze said buttock, rather gingerly, into the confined quarters afforded by a 24-seat Yeti Airlines turboprop for the flight to Pokhara.

I slid down into the bubbles. She slipped in facing me pushing her thighs beneath mine and my legs around her waist lifting my bum a little off the bottom of the tub. “OK?” she asked. OK, I confirmed. She began to soap both of us all over, I closed my eyes.

Pokhara is about 20 minutes flight to the west of Kathmandu. To one side of the town is the Phewa Lake and the World Peace pagoda. To the other is the mighty Annapurna, arguably the most beautiful section of the of the whole Himalayan range.

It is possible to trek around Annapurna, you need to budget three weeks. It can be done quicker, I’m told, but it depends on the stamina of the individuals in your group and the length of time it takes to acclimatise to the altitude. I had nothing like that amount of time. I had only a few days so my plan was to fly into it.

This, of course, required me to cram my dented derrière into and even smaller aircraft. A micro-lite, owned and operated by the Avia Club of Nepal who offer Skytreks of 15, 30 and 60 minutes.

After a journey like that I wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the full monty so the following morning I presented myself at the airport where I was bound and trussed in windproof clothing in preparation for the flight.

Despite the extra padding the runway still felt like it was made of corrugated iron as we barrelled along to take-off. But all pain is forgotten, along with any apprehension about flying in a motorised hang-glider, the moment we lift off.

We bank, fly over the town and follow the Seti gorge toward the mountains. Below there is a patchwork of implausibly remote farms held together by threads of footpaths and small roads.

There is some turbulence as we pass through a thin layer of cloud but emerging through the top the view is so stunning that I almost forget to breathe. The summits of the mountains seem so close and so crystal clear it feels like we could just fly onto them. But at an altitude of about 12,000 feet we are probably not even halfway up.

The pilot cuts the engines and suddenly there is silence. We glide across the roof of the world with only our thoughts and the wind in our ears. It is a special moment indeed. To the west I can just see the summit of Dhaulagiri, where the last alleged evidence of the Yeti had been found. To the east the mountains stretched off as far as the eye could see.

Right in front is the spectacular fluted summit of Machhapuchhre or Fishtail mountain. It commands most of the attention. After what seems like only a few minutes the motor is restarted and we start the journey back flying over Sarangkot and the World Peace pagoda. My sixty minutes was up. I was so enchanted by the experience that I quite forgot to brace my buttocks for the landing.

Ouch! I said. “You OK?” asked my masseuse again. Yep, I said, just have to remember not to put all my weight onto the right side. On the bed she gave me an excellent massage, gently rubbed some tingly stuff into my bum and then took me back into the heavens for another 60 minutes.

See also: Raising the bar in Kathmandu

The measure of a man

Seymour Totti — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 09:45:08 +0000

“Now let’s see if it fits in here”

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.The Thai government is about to introduce a new penis measuring device to enable it’s male population to find the right sized condoms. The paper tape measures a width of between 49 and 56 millimetres - covering the “Thai penis size standard”, said Dr Somyos Kittimankhong of the Department of Disease Control’s (DDC) anti-Aids division.

“Larger size condoms can slip off or deaden the pleasure during sex, while smaller ones will cause discomfort to wearers. These factors dissuade people from using condoms - which encourages the spread of HIV/Aids,” Dr Somyos told The Nation newspaper.

But condoms cost money to buy and in provinces not many people have a great deal of that stuff to spare so the government has earmarked 200 million Baht (US$6 million) to give out freebies. It’s all part of a campaign called “Condom for All” and is being launched in response to a spike in the number of gay men and sex workers contracting HIV.

Now it’s all for a good cause and it doesn’t do to mock but it does make me wonder if the countryside is going to be filled with lines of farmers waiting to present their willies to efficient looking office ladies for girth checking prior to being furnished with a packet of three.

But to be serious for a moment the Thai government really should talk to some Japanese condom manufacturers about a franchise. The cheaper locally made condoms that are available at the moment are just rubbish and it’s no surprise that no-one wants to use them.

If music be the food of love

Seymour Totti — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:41:47 +0000

No hair in her g-string. Click it and see

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The Forum for Contemporary Music, an orchestra based in Leipzig, Germany, has announced that it plans to play a concert at one of the city’s brothels. The idea, apparently, is to get classical music out of the concert halls and to where the people are.

This coming Friday (November 20th) staff and customers at the Eros Centre will be treated to a series of “licentious and erotic” works which will include Le Flirt by French composer Erik Satie, Seven Erotic songs by Dirk D’Ase and Rhythm Strip - a piece for two snare drums composed by Askell Masson.

The performance comes ahead of a festival devoted to “erotic music culture” in Leipzig which runs from Dec 4-6 called Sex.Macht.Musik. That’s Sex.Makes.Music in English in case you hadn’t worked it out.

I think it’s a fabulous idea. I’m a great lover of music in all its many forms and without a doubt it is a wonderful accompaniment to sex. The second movement of Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 21 works well for a slow and sensuous romp and Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis is good as well.

What’s your favourite fucking music?

The pimped prophylactics

Seymour Totti — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:50:11 +0000

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I was in a Seven-Eleven in Hong Kong the other day when I spied what appeared to be a new line of condoms from Durex. “Ultra Thin”, boasted the box. Everything else was in Chinese. I wondered if this was the long overdue product designed to claw back some of the market share won by the Japanese 0.03 models.

It didn’t say anything about how thin the latex really was on the box. Never-the-less I trousered a packet of three and set off in search of someone to try them out with.

It didn’t take long and I was pleased with the girl I found. She was very fair skinned with an impish grin behind a jagged emo-like, lop-sided fringe. She was wearing a short, red, plaid skirt with a white t-shirt which peeled away to reveal small but delicious pale pink nipples.

She betrayed just a hint of chubbiness but was firm and supple. That, combined with a perfectly smooth pussy - a rarity among Chinese girls, made her look quite innocent. Her hands, however, told a different story.

Although she did say mine was the first western cock she had played with she clearly knew a thing or two about cocks in general. Likewise the condoms which, after peeling away the sealed plastic wrapper, turned out to be nothing more than a variety pack of well-known existing models; Featherlite, Featherlite Ultima, and Elite.

Closer inspection of the box did, in fact, reveal what was inside but you would need to read Chinese and preferably with a magnifying glass.

The young lady seemed to sense my disappointment but my mood brightened considerably at the single minded way she set about achieving her own orgasm before allowing me to cum.

She told me she only had a few days before she had to go back to China and I might be the only western cock she was going to see. She wanted it to be really good. “Was it really good?” I asked. She grinned, pushed my face down into her boobs and hugged me tight.

But what of the condoms? Why can’t western manufacturers come up with a condom to rival the quality of the Japanese? Why can’t the Japanese manufacturers produce a condom size suitable for exporting to the west?

The market is waiting.

See also: Condom vs Condom
See also: Condom Capers
See also:The World’s Most Expensive Condom

Learning how to wank

Seymour Totti — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:03:24 +0000

Yume wants to watch you masturbate

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Most kids figure it out on their own eventually but in Extremadura, a district in south-west Spain, youngsters are getting a helping hand … from the local government. A €14,000 (US$20,800) campaign with the slogan “Pleasure in your own Hands” has been launched aimed at teaching 14-17-year-olds how to best enjoy their own company.

The campaign includes leaflets, flyers and workshops where they receive instruction on masturbation techniques along with advice on contraception and self-respect.

It all sounds very reasonable to me but of course it has sparked controversy in the largely catholic nation.

“This is an intimate subject that should be dealt with at home,” whinged local right wing opposition leader Hernández Carrón.

“They are interfering with the right of parents to educate their own children about a matter as important as their sexuality,” stormed the conservative Confederation of Fathers and Mothers of Schoolchildren.

Unfortunately conservative positions on most things are are about the same; ‘If it feels good, abstain!’ Which is about as potty as you can get. And they would be horrified if they were to discover parents who really were teaching their kids effective wanking.

Learning to masturbate is an important part of growing up but it’s not something parents can teach or that their children can ask them about. So I’d like to give a big thumbs up for Laura Garrido, president of the Youth Council of Extremadura, for caring about the sexual well-being of her constituents.

Apple sauce

Seymour Totti — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:01:01 +0000


	. . Apple comes from the north east of Thailand, the vast rural hinterland known as Isaan. It’s where most of Bangkok’s bar girls come from. In fact it is where most taxi drivers, construction workers, waiters and maids come from. It’s a poor area with few schools and fewer jobs but the region gave to the world the fiery, green papaya salad known as som tam, luuk thung music and some really hot bar girls.

There are loads more pics of the adorable Apple’s shaved pussy HERE

Fond farewells

Seymour Totti — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:16:30 +0000

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I’ve never been a sentimental person. My material needs are few and I’ve always lived by the creed of; “depend on no-one and let no-one depend on me”, certainly for my emotional well-being.

But I’m not really heartless and I do care about the people I spend my time with. So it was with a significant twinge sadness that I discovered, when I went down to one of my favourite Bangkok bars recently, that two old friends had since moved on.

“Go back up country.” Said another friend. The dancing girls are transient things, they come and go, but these were waitresses. I’d known them both for about five years. Whenever work was slack they would always come and sit with me regardless of whether I was buying them drinks or not. They were good company and always kept me up-to-date with the latest bargirl gossip.

I asked this girl if she had their numbers. “I have but no have phone here.” The girls have to keep their phones in their lockers during work hours so I sent my number to her phone and she promised to forward it.

After two weeks I had heard nothing. It’s probably for the best. If they really have gone back up country I’m part of a past that they may well not want following them. I can respect that. So I quietly thank them for some truly wonderful memories and raise fresh bottle to new friends.

See also: For services rendered

Met Art Asian girl, Yuka

Seymour Totti — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:31:24 +0000

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A new Asian Met girl landed in my inbox today, at least new to me.

Her name is Yuka which suggests she is Japanese but that doesn’t really mean much. Its quite fashionable for Chinese and Thai girls to give themselves Japanese names.

Yuka does look more Chinese to me though. Whaddya think chaps, Chinese or Japanese?

Review: Condom Vs Condom

Seymour Totti — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:31:08 +0000

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Be prepared. It was a credo I learned in the boy scouts. But if you are travelling it is especially important and being prepared to me means having plenty of condoms handy. If you are travelling to Southeast Asia the best advice I can give you will always be bring them with you.

Condoms are available all over Asia but what you find in one 7-11 maybe different from what the 7-11 down the road has in stock and even if you do find what you want this week there is no guarantee it will still be in stock next week.

Having said that, I know from my own experience that it is not always easy or convenient to grab a few boxes before you fly but if your itinerary takes you to Hong Kong or Singapore you are in luck. Both places have a wide range available. Everywhere else it’s a case of trawling the pharmacies and 7-11s. I haven’t been up to Taiwan or Korea for some time but I would expect both to be reasonably well supplied.

Here is a rundown of brands to look out for. I’ve tried all these with at least two different ‘research analysts’, in some cases three.

Durex Avanti Ultima (polyisoprene - 0.045mm)
These are really good if you are prone to premature ejaculation or if you worked yourself into a state heightened excitement and just know you will explode shortly after penetration. But I wouldn’t recommend them for an extended rut. They’re contoured to the shape of your dick and actually feel good when you first put them on. But they loose elasticity and softness and become rather baggy after several changes of position.

Durex featherlite and Featherlite Ultima (latex - 0.05)
Durex had been my brand of choice many years ago, largely because that was the only brand I knew about back then. So, after years of monogamous, condom free relationships, this was the brand I gravitated back to.

These two are the best of the brand. I was told they are the same condom packaged differently for US and UK markets. Both seem to be readily available around Asia and even on the same shelf in Hong Kong. I certainly couldn’t discern any difference between the two. They are good, comfortable and they go on relatively easily. They are also comparatively inexpensive.

Fuji Zero-0 (latex - 0.03mm)
Once you get them on they’re not bad. They are contoured with a very slim fit shaft. The latex is soft and has good elasticity but they are still tight. The opening ring doesn’t have much play either and if fingers slip in the lubricant and it snaps back you’re going to be spending ten minutes nursing your boner back to life. I speak from experience. There’s a big reservoir at the tip for the hose-pipes of the world. I wondered if this might get in the way but in the heat of battle, I must admit, I didn’t notice it.

Jex USUI 0.03 (latex - 0.03mm)
These have a lubricant jelly made from marine collagen stored in the teat which helps to reduce allergic reaction in those susceptible. They are also very good condoms. They are soft, have good elasticity and very little odour.

Lifestyles
This brand seems to have disappeared from the shelves over the last year or two. In Hong Kong and Singapore I would have put this down to flagging sales in the face of stiff competition from the Japanese. But this wouldn’t explain why they have disappeared elsewhere. If they return I’ll expand here

Okamoto (latex - 0.03)
The flagship of the Okamoto brand is the Platinum, a conventionally lubricated model. There is also the Aloe, lubricated, as you might have guessed with aloe vera, and the Dry Powder. As with most Japanese brands the opening is narrower than on western brands. With these, however, you can easily just pull them open and plonk them over the end and unroll from there. Just keep an eye on your girls (or boys, or ladyboys) fingernails.

The Aloe appears to have become my condom of choice and has been praised by my favourite Bangkok massage girl (who is an excellent masseuse as well as a very sexy lady). She now asks me to bring her a supply every time I fly down.

The dry powder variant would be good for those that like long foreplay sessions allowing them to get their girl suitably wet before any penetration. One girl said it was nicer to give a blow-job on a dry condom. Since anal intercourse usually requires additional lubrication these would be pretty pointless in that situation.

Okamoto Nude(polyurethane - 0.03mm)
After having tried the latex versions I had high hopes for these but they don’t have the elasticity of the latex version making it difficult to get on. And like the Durex Avanti they don’t seem to be very durable.

Sagami Original L-size (polyurethane - 0.02mm)
The cum reservoir on these is tapered rather like the point of a pencil. It’s not a bad condom though but I do find the opening ring still very tight even if it is wider than the Okamoto. If it wasn’t for that it would probably be the best of the polyurethane bunch but I found it just a little too uncomfortable to wear. The packaging is a little different. These come in little blister packs with a peel off top rather like the little portions of butter you get on airplanes. Being a non-latex condom oil based lubricants should be safe.

Sagami Premium (polyurethane - 0.02mm)
The most expensive condoms in the world. At least as far as I know. I wrote-up my encounter with them here.

Trojan (latex - 0.07 non-lubricated )
These suckers are really hard to find in Asia. So far I’ve only found one outlet in Hong Kong. They had the regular, non-lubricated and the Magnum XL. I scored 12 of the former. Getting them on was a breeze, they go over the head and unrolled really easily. But there the party stopped. They are called ultra-thin but at 0.07mm they are more than double the thickness of the Japanese brands and you can feel that with your fingers even before you put them on.

I have been told that thicker condoms are more secure for anal but I didn’t get to put it to the test. The first girl I proposed the idea to suggested I negotiate the services of a ladyboy.

Local condoms
Until further notice, avoid them. They may be cheaper but how cheap do you want to be. Local brands are the standard issue massage parlours and brothels but if you are paying a young lady for her services it silly not to budget for a decent packet of three. It’s not a lot

Bottom line
Non-latex brands are a godsend for anyone who is allergic to latex and they are pretty good. But I do prefer the extra elasticity that latex affords particularly with the slightly smaller Japanese brands.

A Go Go Girl at Buffalo Bridge

Seymour Totti — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:39:42 +0000

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Buffalo Bridge is in fact a small bar area known as Saphan (bridge) Kwai (buffalo). It’s a small strip of less than a dozen grass roots level bars that specifically target the local market. It’s an area I don’t go to often because it’s a long hike to get there and is decidedly low key compared to the major bar districts.

Where it does score points is that a good many of the girls come from the far north. These girls boast the fairer skin tones that are favoured by their Thai clientele whereas their sisters on Soi Cowboy, Nana or Patpong are predominantly from Isaan. Me, I’ve always maintained that variety is the spice of life. I don’t believe that any single ethnic grouping is more beautiful than another. Delightfully different yes, but equally delicious.

Another drawback for non-Thai visitors is that very little English is spoken. Most bars can produce one or two girls but unless you have a smattering of Thai your choices are limited.

Having said that, I was sitting in a bar where one young lass was so fluent in English that I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. Within minutes she had my immediate fut… sorry our immediate future mapped out before me. She told me what we were going to do, where we were going to do it, how long it would take and what it was going to cost. Negotiation - impossible, resistance - useless.

Of course I just paid the bill and walked away. I dislike hassle and she sounded like she could become a major hassle.

But she was also a gilt-edged beauty from the Lanna region of northern Thailand. She had a crystal clear complexion with just a hint of Chinese, silky smooth hair tied in a pony tail. Lissom body, fabulous almond-shaped eyes which, standing in her high-heels, could look almost directly into mine. I got an erection without even touching. I wanted to see her naked, I wanted to fuck her … at least once.

A good friend of mine claims that the ones that are ballsy and brassy in the bar often become very demure when you get them out of their familiar surroundings. He was referring to ladyboys, I wondered if the same might not be true of girls.

So few nights later I returned. She skipped over to my table wearing a big smile. “We can go hotel tonight?” she asked. I told her No. “Why?” she demanded. I pointed out that I had no intention of paying good money for an hour in a short-time hotel when I had a lovely apartment with a hot shower, nice bed, well stocked fridge and a TV.

She went on an extended pout that lasted just as long as it took for me to finish my beer and ask for the bill. “OK”, she said, “we go apartment.” Like any good business woman she recognised that losing the sale completely would be more costly than losing only her commission from the hotel. I think the promise of a hour or two watching TV played a part as well.

As we barrelled along the highway getting further away from the bar she became more and more pensive. By the time we walked across the lobby of my apartment building she had become as soft-spoken and gentle as a lamb, wincing at the click of her own high heels.

The first session between the sheets she reverted to her old self, taking the lead and riding cowgirl until we were both exhausted. After an hour or so of TV and snacks we went back for round two which, drenched in essential oils, was slow, gentle and affectionate. I rewarded her generously and she rewarded me with her telephone number

She had to get back to her bar before closing time so I walked her down to the taxi. Again she was the perfect model of a respectable young Thai Lady. Unfortunately the security guard and the taxi drivers at my apartment block all know me better than that.

More about Saphan Kwai

Sex in a hammock

Seymour Totti — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:23:21 +0000

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Have you ever had sex in a hammock? No, neither have I. Not successfully anyway. Even hammocks that look like, and claim, they can fit two people usually don’t - unless you keep extremely still.

The best I ever got it was to fill the middle of the hammock up with cushions and for me to go on the bottom. The cushions go underneath my backside thrusting my dick upwards and the girl sits on top. If the hammock is wide enough she can get her knees in and you take it from there … but very slowly. Your centre of gravity is all wrong and and unless you hold your positions carefully you’ll wind up on the floor.

But usually the hammock isn’t wide enough so her legs have to dangle either side. This is actually very good for penetration and if you swing it a little it really is quite pleasant … for me. It’s a bit uncomfortable for her because she’ll have issues with maneuverability, she’ll wriggle a bit, the hammock will get all scrunched up and give you a wedgie. Shortly after that you wind up on the floor again.

Nancy Ho is in a hammock, Nancy Ho and both those incredible tits are all in the same hammock. Knowing full well what is likely to happen it still wouldn’t stop me from trying to get in that hammock with her. Would it you?

Carnal Knowledge

Seymour Totti — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:07:20 +0000

Sign the petition then click the pic

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October is Sex Education month in the US so I figured it was a good time to urge those of you that are there to surf on over here and sign the petition in support of REAL (Responsible Education About Life (H.R.1653/S.972) act) sex education.

Yes, yes I know a lot of you think I’m irresponsible nth degree but I’m actually very well informed and I believe everyone else should be too. Sexual health and happiness concerns everyone regardless of age, lifestyle preferences and orientation.

The REAL Act would fund programs designed to educate young people about pregnancy and how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Basic stuff but sadly lacking in America over the last 8 years

So go sign the petition then come back here and glop yourself off to this gallery of Kelly.

Privates on parade

Seymour Totti — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:41:08 +0000

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When the PLA sashay down Changan Avenue to Tiananmen Square on Thursday to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Peoples Republic of China they will be wearing the shiny new uniforms that were designed for them in 2007 to celebrate the military’s own 80th birthday.

Its the first time the new threads have been given a public airing so boots and buttons will no doubt all be polished to an incandescent gleam. I’m not big on pomp myself but it did remind me of a pic someone sent me a couple of years ago.

I’ve no idea what it was all about but I deduce it was a rehearsal for something given that two of the girls have trousers on under their uniforms and the one on the far left is mentally composing stern words to have with the wardrobe department and/or choreographers concerning the problems of goose-stepping in short skirts.

A search of Google failed to provide anymore information about the event but it did turn up some more fetching pics of China’s military gals so I thought I’d share.

Happy birthday China

See also: Rare China Pussy

Born again virgins

Seymour Totti — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:36:11 +0000

Virgins, both of ‘em

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An Egyptian scholar is calling for the execution of anyone found importing the Artificial Virginity Hymen. They take virginity very seriously in the Middle East but for thirty greenbacks this little kit can redo that which has been undone, or at least fake it effectively. That’s a lot cheaper than hymen repair surgery, which is performed in secret by some clinics.

All you do (if you’re a lady) is pop it in and the thing expands a little making you feel tight. When hubby thrusts his first thrust a little blood-like liquid oozes out. All you need to add is a few convincing moans.

According to Abdul Mouti Bayoumi such a device was akin to spreading vice in society and that is punishable by death in Sharia law.

Each pack contains two artificial hymens so the manufacturers are clearly not anticipating a high degree of fidelity from their customers.

Now this got me thinking. I know a lot of girls who are always looking for ways to add value to the services they offer. If a lass were to buy over the internet and place a bulk order of fifty or more kits she could get them for as little as 10 bucks a hymen. Well below the premium she could charge for being a virgin.

The set-up

Seymour Totti — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:32:13 +0000

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“Wah!”, they said in unison. In Chinese it’s the all encompassing expression of surprise. The people that said it were four new recruits who had arrived from China late the night before.

I had gone there to give a farewell bonk to a lady who had become a bit of a regular over the previous few weeks. I’d seen one of the girls asleep on the sofa when I arrived. This sort of thing is not unusual and I just ignored her.

She was still asleep when we passed to go to the shower. Where’s the other girl that is usually here I asked. “Go back already,” she said. She was giving a lot of attention to the old todger and I’ve always been a bit of a sucker for a pair of soapy hands so I closed my eyes and enjoyed myself.

Just when it was as big and shiny as it could get she pushed me out of the shower. I wrapped the customary flimsy towel around as best I could and headed back to the bedroom. I was than that I discovered the girl on the sofa had not only woken up but had been joined by three others.

“Wah!” The towel was doing bugger all to hide my stiffy so I just pulled it aside and let it point proudly at the ceiling “Wah!” They said again.

By this time my girl had emerged. She grabbed the towel from me and hung it on my dick. “No no no,” she said, “They never see foreign man before”. Really I asked and, being the genial fellow that I am, pulled the towel away again and invited them all to come and have a squeeze. And they all did … until they realised they should be doing such things for free.

After the business had been done we went back out and sat around with the girls for a while. They were all students from Changsha in Hunan province. College is expensive and conventional part-time jobs just don’t make ends meet.

As I was leaving my young lady told me that I must come back next time because they all want to try a big western dick.

And you know what?, I think I probably will.

See also: Enter the Dragons Lair
See also: The sweetest smile
Free pics: Shaved China Pussy

Gizby and Piano

Seymour Totti — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:34:13 +0000

	For successful threesomes it’s best to find two girls who are happy to keep on fucking each other while you are having the unevitable downtime

The farmer and the little old lady

Seymour Totti — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:41:19 +0000

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A strapping young farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so since didn’t live far he decided to just just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry all this.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Why splendid idea”, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your evil way with me?”

The farmer said, “I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly do that?’

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

See Also: Philosophy is like an erection

Eri Omochika’s Pussy

Seymour Totti — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:06:07 +0000


	Sweet Japanese office lady Eri Omochika is keen keen to show you her pussy. And I have to say it is a rather yummy pussy indeed. Warm, tight and shaved perfectly smooth. It is complemented by her supple body, firm breasts and a gentle smile. I just wish I could show you the video here as well Click the thumbnails!

There are loads more adorable smooth Japanese pussies HERE

See also: Smooth Changeover

Readers wives

Seymour Totti — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:20:18 +0000

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Hooray for amateur porn. We’ve come a long way since the Polaroids of the early seventies. Back then the innocent young lad that I was couldn’t think why on earth anyone would buy a Polaroid camera. The pictures quality was rubbish and you couldn’t make reprints.

Then one day, in a fit of pre-adolescent light-fingeredness, I chanced upon a copy of Fiesta Magazine and there, towards the back, all was revealed. Readers Wives.

At first I didn’t find them all that horny, I was more interested in the shiny centrefold girls. But they did have something about them, perhaps it was the thought that perhaps one day I’d open it and see Charlie Paget’s mum. If anyone I knew was ever going to be in one of those it would be Charlie Paget’s mum.

She’d already figured in a couple of fantasies. So had his sister for that matter but his mum had snuck in uninvited when I wasn’t expecting it. But I never did see her. I was a regular reader for a few months but then I got rumbled and I couldn’t find another news stand that was as easy to … erm … subscribe from.

These days you no longer need to mail your irreplaceable poloroids to a distant editor in the hope that you or the object of you desires will be selected for inclusion on the hallowed half page. Anyone can shoot and upload pictures of themselves … and they do … loads of them.

But what makes them fascinating for me now is not so much the thought that I’ll see someone I know. It’s more that these girls are just like girls that I do know, or girls that I see on the subway or at the mall. It’s also the knowledge that they are only doing it for the kicks they get out of knowing that we get a kick (and a sticky mess) out of looking at them.

So gentlemen, lets give a big, firm hand to the girls in the mirror.

A secret tryst

Seymour Totti — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 07:08:46 +0000

. . . Elope with Carol, click here

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I had a girlfriend who looked just like Carol here. But her father was very traditional, he believed that Hong Kong girls should only date Hong Kong men. Westerners could date who they wanted so long as none of them were his daughter.

We did see each other a lot though. We would take late night walks along parts of the harbour where few other people ever went. A sort of lovers lane where we could grope. But there were other couples that had gone there for the same reason so we could only go so far. She would never come to my apartment or to a short-time hotel.

Then one day fate took me off to Bali for a few days. “Why don’t you make a holiday of it?” she asked, “Because if you did, I could fly down the day after you”

So I did my work in Kuta and Denpasar and then we spent two blissful weeks together at Lovina, on Bali’s north shore. It’s a gorgeous place but there’s not much to do except eat, sleep and fuck … so that’s what we did.

I asked what her father thought about this. “Hah!, he thinks I’m on a package tour with my friends” she replied.

Old friends

Seymour Totti — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:57:34 +0000

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My first encounter with an older woman was in London a long time ago. She was American, wealthy and had flashy sports car. I don’t know if you could really call her a milf, she was mid-thirties and kept herself in terrific shape. But I was fresh out of college and had only recently moved to the big city.

She was exotic and insatiable. The kind of woman the chaps such as I would have had wet dreams about. We had a fun few months but most of her friends were gay bankers and, while I had no problem with anyone being gay - there were many gay folks at art school, I didn’t appreciate being made to feel like the toy-boy that really I was.

I was also secretly dating a cute Indian girl and it was getting too difficult to manage both so I said farewell to the fast car and the expensive dinners.

When I got to Asia I found so many cute girls that I completely forgot the delights of the older women for a while. They have always been around. The Red Lips bar in Hong Kong became famous for them. In Bangkok many used to hang out at the old Blue Fox and still do at Thermae.

In a bar in Saigon a few years ago one lady proudly pulled out a letter from a US serviceman postmarked 1974; “He said he will come back for me,” she said. She was still waiting.

Bargirls, like everyone else, grow older and there are a few cuties that I knew when I first came to Asia that have blossomed into handsome milf-hood. But there are other milfs on the scene these days that are not former bar girls. A lot of women I’ve met recently are in it mainly for company and good sex.

A woman I know runs a lucrative business in Pattaya. She catches the bus to Bangkok every Friday evening in search of fun. I pointed out that she didn’t need to travel all the way to Bangkok to find plenty of potential customers. “I know,” she said, “but I don’t want the neighbours to find out.”

See also: Red Lips Bar
See also: Thermae
See also: Mature Asia site review

Site review: Mature Asia

Seymour Totti — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 14:01:53 +0000

Dido is a very naughty girl

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As the name suggest Mature Asia is a celebration of of older Asian women. It’s not a slick site, it’s a site that has been developed by enthusiasts for like-minded souls. That said, it delivers the goods adequately enough.

The models are all amateur though I’ve no doubt many of them have worked the bars. They are mostly from Thailand and the Philippines and all appear to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. Their smiles betray an undercurrent of shyness combined with an “I’m being a very naughty girl … and I love it” glint in their eyes. This gives the images a warmth and personality which I find very engaging.

The photographers too are enthusiastic amateurs and while the pics are clear and sharp there is little in the way of wardrobe or make-up. The clothes you see them taking off are, for the most part, the ones they arrived in. I like this. It is just these kind of women that I see when I’m buying vegetables at the market. Its great to see them in regular street clothes and then gradually peeling them off.

The main body of the pictures is divided into two categories 30-39 year-olds and over 40s with the oldest I spotted being 52. The size of the sets can be anywhere from about 80-150 pics. Most of them have hardcore POV pics or dildo action towards the end. There’s also a handful of lesbian sets.

The more recent sets have companion movies taken from the same shoot. These are all wmv format but seem to vary in size and bit rate. The quality is noticeably better for the more recent additions. Obviously the photographers are getting better at their craft.

In addition to the original content there’s a collection of Japanese urabon and a section dedicated to non-Asian milfs. There are free video feeds and games too. Of all the extras the best by a long shot is the handful of picture sets taken from Mature Asia’s sister site Asia Bargirl.

But it is the original content that makes this site special. It’s a niche that isn’t very common and would be worth its monthly subscription just for that.

Subscription is $24.95 for 30 days. Pay by credit card or online check (Checks are US only). Phone billing is available at $29.95. There is also a 7-day trial for $9.95. These subscriptions automatically re-bill each month. You can cancel your subscription through customer support.

Visit site: Mature Asia
More pictures: Mature Asian Women

Lunch with Yuria

Seymour Totti — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:49:14 +0000


	. . . Yuria Takashima’s tight little pussy is really quite edible. I can almost here her giggle softly as she feels my breath, as my tongue starts to explore the cracks and creases. She’s getting wet now, she holds my head and wraps her thighs around my ears but I can still hear her. She’s getting louder now. Suddenly her thighs clamp tight, I keep working her clitoris until she relaxes and I can breath again. She’s smiling, she wants to fuck now.

There are loads more pics of the adorable Yuria HERE

Indian cosplay with a religious twist

Seymour Totti — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:13:05 +0000

. . . . . . Areeya: A goddess with balls

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In a wave of religious devotion thousands of men in India have taken to dressing up as the Goddess Radhi. Radhi, or Radhika as she is sometimes called, was a consort of Lord Krishna, noted for the clarity of her devotion.

According to a story on Ananova it seems that modern devotees of the Lord can express themselves more clearly if they slip into a sari first. Says retired railwayman V. K. Saxena, 72; “I can’t put it into words properly but I feel more holy dressed as a woman.”

Radhi herself was an incarnation of the goddess Lakshmi who was the giver of wealth and prosperity. Cash and crumpet, what more could a deity want? Well according to Saxena: “The Lord told me he wanted me as his bride.” And to fulfill that role he gets to sashay round New Delhi in womens clothing. I wonder If goddesses have sexy underwear too.

Now call me a cynic but I can’t help thinking that if Krishna had wanted a goddess that was hung like a donkey he would have been more inclined to go for someone like Areeya. What do you think?

Aileen and Elva

Seymour Totti — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 09:41:45 +0000

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I’d not seen any Asians from Met-Art recently so it was nice to find two that I’d not seen before.

Aileen is south-east Asian. Her name would suggest she is from the Philippines. True, it may not be her real name but nor is it the kind of stage name a Thai or Indonesian would be likely to choose.

Either way she has the sweetest shaved pussy you could ever hope to eat and the hottest lips you could ever hope to eat you.

Elva Tan is Chinese. I’m going to suggest she is from Singapore based solely on the fact that she reminds me of a girl I knew there a few years ago. Not a tall girl but strong and very passionate. She had quite broad “fuck me hard” hips and a predilection for Hello Kitty.

She could trace her ancestry back to Fujian province in south-east China.

I think both girls are gorgeous and I also think Met need to get their finger out and send us more hot Asian babes.

See: Met-Art’s Abby Chan
More: Met-art Asians

Fucking tourists

Seymour Totti — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:21:06 +0000

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The residents of Fucking, Austria are so pissed off with tourists doing just that in front of their sign that they are installing CCTV cameras.

Fucking, with just 104 residents, offers an inviting piece of lawn right next to the village sign post where weary travellers can stop for a bit.

“I’m sure each of them think they’re the first, but believe me they’re not.” said one Fucking resident, “We’ve grown very tired of it and we’re doing something about it.”

Just what the Fuckers are going to do if they happen to catch any folks engaged in frenzied fornication in front of the Fucking sign they didn’t say. I shall be keeping my eye on youtube just in case.

The Shitts aren’t taking any crap either.

How tight can a pussy be?

Seymour Totti — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 06:47:17 +0000

Don’t click, just think about my pussy

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“Wow”, she said as my jocks dropped to the floor. “Wow” she said again as she squeezed my thickening dick in the shower. Complementing a client on the size of his dick is a good business practice for working girls and most of them would tell you it was a whopper even if you were hung like a gnat.

But like most men, I consider myself to be only slightly above average, I’m certainly no Desmond donkey drawers. This young lass thought otherwise. “Wow” she said as I lay on my back reaching full stretch.

At this point she bottled. She was one of the student types that hop over the border from Shenzhen to hook for a week or so and stock up on Louis Vuitton bags and shoes.

Now I’m not sure what her boyfriends across the border might be like but it prompted me to drop a line to my old friend Captain Outrageous to ask if, in his considerable experience, he thought there was any truth in the notion that Asian dicks are significantly smaller than western dicks.

“I’ve no idea,” chortled the Captain, “I’ve not really had any experience with western dicks other than my own … and that’s a monster! Most of my ladyboy friends have to stand up in the taxi going home”

But I digress. The lady was sitting on the bed next to me fashioning a small circle with her thumb and index finger. “Smar” she said pointing at her pussy with her other index finger. Then she grabbed my cock and said; “Big”. She offered me a hand job. I made it clear that I hadn’t travelled across Hong Kong for a hand job but she was not interested. I took one last look at her tight little pussy put my clothes back on an left.

I’ve no interest in making the girl feel uncomfortable and, in retrospect, I was grateful that she refused. I have known girls who take another approach and slather on way too much KY. The problem with this is that lube gets inside the condom and the thing slips off. And that’s a risk that neither of us need.

So I tried another door, another student from China, but this one was much more enthusiastic.

Dirty Asian slut

Seymour Totti — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 13:41:56 +0000

This is Jade and she is launching a new site called Dirty Asian Slut. It’s a good name, it describes the star perfectly. Jade enjoys sex. She likes to get her gorgeous tight pussy drilled … no I mean drilled … with a drill. She finds them a bit more manly than regular vibrators. Click on the thumbs below for movie and picture previews.

Visit site: Dirty Asian slut

Girls love men who wear bicycle clips

Seymour Totti — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:38:18 +0000

On yer bike

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The Maison d’Envie brothel in Berlin, Germany is offering discounts of five euro (about US$7) off the standard rate of seventy Euro (US$100) to customers who arrive on a bicycle or who can proved they arrived by some other means of public transport.

“The recession has hit our industry hard,” owner Thomas Goetz told Reuters, “We hope that the discount will attract more people. It’s good for business, it’s good for the environment — and it’s good for the girls.”

He said the discount is attracting around 3-5 new customers a day and added that the discount has also helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Visit: Maison d’envie brothel

Sex on show

Seymour Totti — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 04:08:54 +0000

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The Amora Sex Academy opened in Berlin on Thursday welcoming visitors with the slogan, “Finally, an exhibition for those who always have to touch everything.”

The show boasts more than 50 interactive displays which guide visitors around the naughty bits of both males and females. It offers tips on everything from striptease to oral sex and how to achieve a perfect orgasm.

There are numerous life-sized plastic models. One female mannequin lights up and yells “That’s it!” when a visitor manages to put his finger on the G-spot. Hmmm, I wonder if it has mood swings too.

Next to that is the Spank-o-meter which measures the pleasure enjoyed by another mannequin when thrashed with a leather whip.

Uta Barkow, the manager of the Beate Uhse sex chain which is hosting the academy told Reuters; “It’s been very well received so far. A lot of exhibits have that ‘aha’ effect on a lot of people.

The museum also shows film clips of various sexual positions, including the “Italian chandelier” that, the viewer learns, can burn up to 920 calories per hour.

The exhibition was first in London and will be moving to Barcelona next

See: The Italian Chandelier at Bestsexpositions.com

Hello, I must be going

Seymour Totti — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:22:43 +0000

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An 80-year-old grandfather in the town of Split in Croatia was so exited at the prospect of a blowjob that he collapsed and died before the service could be performed.

According to metro.co.uk he had negotiated a fee of about US6.50 for the service with a local hooker and had gone to an abandoned house whereupon he dropped his pants and had a heart attack.

The 30-year-old woman called an ambulance but it was too late. A local paper said he was a man who was “looking for sex until his last breath”.

I think he just wanted to cum before he went

101 SHAVED ASIAN PUSSIES you must fuck before you die

Seymour Totti — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 05:43:05 +0000

Did you ever find yourself stranded in an airport for hours waiting for a connecting flight? There’s fuck all to do so you wind up pushing your trolley around until you inevitably wind up in the bookshop. I’ve noticed a growing trend for books that list the things you must do before you die. Things like 1001 places you must visit …, even though the authors haven’t, or 1001 wines you must taste …, assuming you have pockets deeper than the Mariana Trench! Magazines are worse. They don’t even bother with a cute number. Their covers scream 17 Paragraphs of inane drivel, with the ‘17′ in huge bold type. Even if the tedium was so great you invested in a copy of 101 things to do with ramen noodles you would probably only try about three before you forgot about the book forever. Porn never gets boring and it’s with that in mind (and the lure of a good bandwagon) that I present 101 Shaved Asian pussies you must fuck before you die. Continue.
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Give your sperm a workout

Seymour Totti — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:13:16 +0000

Get your cum leaping over Kohru’s box

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A daily fuck is like taking your sperm to the gym… although the report on Reuters didn’t quite phrase it that way.

Apparently a study of 118 men by Dr David Greening of Sydney IVF, an Australian centre for infertility and in vitro fertilisation treatment, found that the quality of their cum increased after they were told to ejaculate everyday for seven days.

Their DNA fragmentation index, a measure of sperm damage, fell from 34% to 26% percent, Greening told the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Amsterdam.

He said that while frequent sex does reduce the volume of sperm this is not a problem and that couples wanting to get pregnant should start daily shagging a week before the ovulation date.

Greening said it was probable that frequent ejaculation improved the quality of sperm by reducing the time they were exposed to potentially damaging molecules called reactive oxygen species in the testicular ducts.

Personally I think everyone should fuck everyday anyway. It’s a great workout all round and it make everyone feel good.

Other peoples laundry

Seymour Totti — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:27:22 +0000

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Most guys like myself prefer to hire a maid to do their washing, or they will take it to the 24-hour place and pick it up the following day. Me, I enjoy going down to the coin-operated laundry in my apartment complex. I choose my times because there are some hot young wives who also do their laundry in the daytime while hubby is at the office. I try to coincidentally coincide.

To them I’m something of a novelty, perhaps they think I’m a little bit weird, but I am always polite and never forward. I may say “good morning” but I never try to start a conversation. After all they are respectable married women. I just sit and watch the tumble dryer tumbling and read my newspaper.

The other morning I saw a delightful black g-string with pink trim tumble from one lady’s dryer. There was no-one else there and she had obviously completely forgotten that I was. She picked them up and held them up high to the light, she admired them from both sides. So did I. Then she pressed them to her cheek to make sure that they were properly dry. It was then she remembered, glanced over and caught me watching her over the top of the newspaper. She blushed deeply … so did I.

She probably never wants to see me again, ever. But I shall be there again next week … just in case.

See also: Anything to Declare
See also: Three is not a crowd