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I heard this in a bar the other night so grab a beer and click open a gallery before you read it

An accountant gets home late one night and his wife says to him, “Where the hell have you been?”

“I was out getting a tattoo,” he replies.

“Tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo?”

“I got a hundred dollar bill on my cock,” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill on his penis?”

“Well,” he began, firstly I like to watch my money grow; second, once in a while, I like to play with my money; Three, I like how money feels in my hand; and lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!”

See Also: Philosophy is like an erection
See Also: Annual check-up

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I had the luxury of being in an office today when a group of ladies uttered a collective “eeiiuuw!!“. They’d just read the news that the authorities in Bihar, one of India’s poorest states, were encouraging people to eat rats in an effort to beat the food shortages.

Rats steal rice so by eating them you not only conserve the rice you get a meal at the same time. Rats are cheap, plentiful and easy to breed. In fact you can’t stop the little fuckers.

Now not all rats live in the sewers and those that don’t I would put far lower on the eeiiuuw scale than something like oysters or caviar. Just think about what oysters and caviar really are for a moment … and remember that oyster isn’t even cooked … eeiiuuw your right!

Now I’ve eaten some pretty funky things on my travels, snakes, grasshoppers, sheep’s testicles and fugu, a fish so toxic that chefs in Japan need a special licence to prepare it. Harkarl, which is Icelandic for shark meat that has been buried in the volcanic ash until it makes the stinkiest of stinky cheese lovers wince, is washed down with Brenivin (aka black death) which is a schnapps made from potatoes and old socks.

Rats, I can assure you, are not at all bad. Minced, mixed with spices and cooked kebab style in a clay oven would be typically Bihari. Serve with dahl which can be licked directly from Gaya Patal, yumm!

See also: Bar snacks in Bangkok
See also: Watermelon man
See also: The sweet mystery of Asha Kumara

According to her profile Mohini “… believes in self discipline, instinct, constant learning, subtle curves, and attention to detail.” She also likes “… a memory to embrace, and a guilty pleasure to reflect upon with a knowing smile.”

So do I, Mohini, so do I

See more: Mohini
Read also: Savita Bhabhi: Indian anime
Read also: Inside Asha Kumara

According to the Guinness book of records Mongkok is the most densely populated place on earth. It’s easy to believe, but if you elbow your way through the crowds and head off down a side street towards Shanghai Street and Reclamation Street you can get away from it a bit.

Reclamation street once ran along the western side of Kowloon and, as you might have guessed, was built on reclaimed land. Now it is about a kilometre inland but around here it is still possible to find some older buildings, shops and markets.

The menu

It’s also possible to find some old brothels so the other afternoon I went off in search. They’re not difficult to find. Along Reclamation Street they are about the only things that have any neon outside. All the other signs hark back to a time before neon. The ‘menus’ are a bit of a give-away too though they seem mostly to be more wishful thinking than reality. Perhaps they too hark back to an earlier time.

At the top of the narrow staircase I was greeted by the manager. “We have Chinese girl $350 or Thai girl $300″ he said. How about Russian girls I queried but he shook his head “Only Chinese and Thai.”

Reclamation Street

It looked like the reception of an old hotel. A wooden reception counter to the right a few chairs, and old wood panelled walls - cheap looking but old none-the-less. I asked him to show me some Thai girls. He took me down to a room and asked me to wait.

The room boasted more wood panelling, this time interspersed with mirrors. There were also mirror tiles on the ceiling suggesting that this had been a brothel or short time hotel for a good many years. A black and white TV was showing Japanese porn but the bathroom fittings were pleasingly modern but the Athenian corners were cheesy.

After about five minutes two girls appeared. I’d already decided I’d send them away if I wasn’t happy with them but one of them was really very cute indeed so I paid the man and sent the other girl away.

She had a shy almost frightened look to here which was explained by the fact that she had only been in Hong Kong for two days and was very new to this line of work. I spoke in Thai as far as my abilities would allow me which seemed to relax her. She said she was planning to stay for two months, the maximum her visa would allow, and go back. After that she would decide on whether to do a stint in Singapore.

Despite being on a time limit sex was slow and gentle, she gave me what is known as a good GFE (girlfriend experience). Afterwards she showered pronto and made a bolt for the door. “Bye bye” she said, and blowing me a kiss she was gone. I was still pulling my trousers back on. She was a cute girl and she’ll probably do well for herself in this business if she’s sensible. But the first thing she’s got to do is learn to wait for the tip.

Read also: Suzie Wong Revisited
Read also: Wanchai
Read also: The Red Lips bar

Before dawn the zero hour little, in the Lantian blue clouds Lantian park fitness area, a year approximately 40 year old man somehow or other makes movement period in a sit-ups fitness facility, unexpectedly instead passes away pulls open the trousers 鍊 to stretch out the male genitals to start on the palm to press, a male genitals stranger card in the panel diameter 1 inch eyelet, finally is unable to extricate oneself approximately, the painful loud groan, alarms the passer-by to report to the police.

After the fire appearance, sees the male male genitals continuously swelling to be unable to contract, does not have under the brilliant plan in the pain to summon the medical team and two anxiously unites hospital doctor to come to assist. Doctor hits the pain killer injection for this man, another doctor uses the needle to insert nearby his/her male genitals the blood vessel bloodletting, but employs two methods to achieve one goal is still unable to let this man’s male genitals pull out naturally to the eyelet.

The original thread here

More: There is something about Hong Kong Parks though this one is a little more understandable

I’m talking about the Olympic Cheerleaders of course. Cheerleading in China has taken a great leap forward in recent years. In the latter half of 2007 a competition was held throughout the country’s schools, colleges and fitness clubs to find the country’s top cheerleaders. There are apparently 428 cheerleaders with 364 of them having won their places through these competitions.

Out with the old …(though I do find them strangely alluring) … in training with the new

If you are going ten venues in Beijing will have cheerleading performances during the Games between August 8 and 24. They are: the northern area of the Olympic Green, the National Stadium, the Olympic Sports Center, the Laoshan bike venue, the Wukesong, the Capital Indoor Stadium,the Workers’ Stadium, the Workers’ Indoor Arena, the Beijing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics Gymnasium, and the Chaoyang Park Beach Volleyball Ground.

Not all these will be sexy students. I believe there will be children’s performances and other more cultural events that are not at all suitable for lascivious thoughts. They’ve all been lumped under the banner of cheerleading so you’d better check

They will also be performing at the following sports: hockey, archery, table tennis, athletics (including marathon and race walking), football, handball, water polo, modern pentathlon (equestrian, running and swimming), bicycling, BMX, baseball, basketball, volleyball, boxing, weightlifting and beach volleyball.

Mmmmm beach volleyball and cheerleaders, what more could a man ask for

*I’ve no idea where that military pic came from but it is a great pic. The others were scavenged from en.beijing2008.cn and beijingolympicsfan.com

See also: After the flood
See also: Suzie Wong Revisited

Now I don’t have much need to go over to the Philippines these days and I don’t go out of choice because Manila is a pretty grotty place. Which is a shame because other parts of the Philippines are really quite lovely. I do get my Filipina fix every now and then because there are still plenty of them in Hong Kong. So I decided I would dedicate to post to Filipina amateurs. Enjoy

Review: Little Brown Fucking Machines

In the twenty years since I first read it Hong Kong has changed dramatically. It would be unrecognisable to Lomax and Suzie. There are still pockets of old Hong Kong but they are few and far between and diminishing every year. Squeezed out by soulless steel and glass that the HK government likes to call urban renewal.

That said, characters that populated Richard Mason’s novel are still very familiar. Their names, complexions and the range of languages they speak have changed but their business in Wanchai is flourishing.

The book has won considerable acclaim, not for the love story between a British painter and a prostitute, but for the authors keen observation of a place that was about to transform itself from a small trading post into the vibrant commercial hub that it is today. And of the hypocracy and rascism that was characteristic of of the era.

What makes the book special for me is the richness and depth of Mason’s characters, not just of Lomax and Suzie who have been widely recognised, but of the entire cast. In particular the other girls that worked the bar of the Nam Kok Hotel.

In the years since I first read this book I have spent more than my fair share of time in the company of their sisters in the real world. Reading it again I realise just how beautifully delineated their characters are:

“I could not help liking old Lily Lou. She reminded me of an old theatre pro, who had grown up in a narrow professional world, took pride in the old fashioned thoroughness of her technique, and looked down on on the present-day youngsters for skimping their job. She remembered her own training at a smart brothel in Shanghai - oh, in those days you’d got to know how to please a man, you’d got to take trouble and time. It had been a real vocation; none of these modern girls would have lasted a minute. “They’ve got no mystery dear,” she would whisper huskily, confidentially, patting my hand. “And that’s what a man likes - mystery.” And she would smile her carefully enigmatic smile that, despite the old whore’s shabbiness and over-rouged cheeks, could still just pass for mystery in the low diffused light of the bar.”

Into all the girls the author breathes a life so convincing that, in most of them, I can see the faces of counterparts that I have actually met. Rather than stocking the bar with one dimensional background characters he has crafted, with a great deal of affection, each individual person. It is this empathy, the warts and all humanity, that brings the bar of the Nam Kok hotel to life.

Only Suzie herself remains elusive, the one character you reach for but can’t quite grasp. Mason always maintained that Suzie was not based on any particular girl but was a composite of several. And while she has her own very human frailties she remains the dream-girl. The mystery that still draws men to places like Hong Kong in search of a Suzie of their own.

*The cover shown is the 1994 edition published by Pegasus Books featuring Nancy Kwan who played Suzie in the 1960 Paramount movie

Read also: Wanchai
Read also: The Red Lips bar

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A court in Athens has ruled that Lesbians can still be gay. Residents of the island of Lesbos had been trying to get the word lesbian, when used as a term for gay people, banned saying it was an insult to their identity. But a court in the Greek capital disagreed. So did Vassilis Chirdaris, lawyer for the Gay and Lesbian Union of Greece who said; “This is a good decision for lesbians everywhere.”

The islands name was given to gay women in recognition of the female poet Sappho, who wrote love poems about both women and men around 600 BC.

Lesbos is a popular gathering place for gay women from around the world particularly the village of Eressos where the poet is said to have been born. I think the residents of Lesbos should loosen up a bit and say thanks for tourist dollars.

Video: The disease of lesbianism
Website review: Shaved Japanese pussy movies

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It’s been a bit quiet round here lately, I haven’t seen anything particularly amusing in the news and I’ve been up to my bollocks in work. I mean regular work, the nasty stuff that gets the bills paid. This work just pays for beer and hookers and I’ve been celibate for 48 hours chaps!!!!

Anyway, I know how much you all love shaved pussies so here is a little round-up of sweet edible cunts from around Asia. Don’t dribble on your keyboard.

Review: Inside Asha Kumara
Review: Momo Sengen - Japanese shaved pussy movies
Review: Little Brown Fucking Machines
More pics: China Shaved

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If the earth didn’t actually move for them at least the car in which they were humping did. In fact it rolled off the edge of a cliff.

According to Today News Lin Gu, 25, and Lee Shin, 29 had driven to the edge of a hill in XinDian, Taiwan to engage in a spot of clandestine nookie. Unfortunately they forgot the hand-brake. As their passions intensified the car bounced clean over the edge and down a 150 foot cliff face into the valley below.

Amazingly they survived. They managed to scramble back up to the road where, battered, bruised and covered in mud, Lee asked Gu to keep walking while she sought help at a nearby house. Homeowner Chen Chenggang said Lee pleaded with him not to reveal how the accident happened as her husband “would definitely sue for divorce”.

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Her lacquered fingers delicately pulled the wings away from the body, the legs were similarly dispatched. The torso she popped deftly between ruby red lips. “Arroy” she said. I raised my eyebrows, cockroaches taste good huh? “Not a cockloach!” she replied as she slipped off her stool to go and get me another beer.

Thai cuisine is famous all over the world and restaurants catering to lovers of the countries gastronomic delights flourish everywhere from Sydney to Seattle. But if you’ve had the pleasure of sitting at the beer bars in say, Nana Plaza, for any length of time you may have noticed that some of the things that the girls put into their mouths bare little resemblance to the things you see on Thai menus in the western world.

The other evening, while propping up the bar at Playskool, I issued a five-hundred baht note (about US$15) to two delightful ladies and commissioned them to return with snacks. This is what they brought:

Som tam

Ferocious: som tam

The Tourist Authority of Thailand likes to claim that fried rice is the national dish but considering Thai cuisine is famous for being spicy a plate of kao pad seems a bit pedestrian for a national dish. Tom yam goong is the hot, sour prawn soup that all Thai restaurants have on the menu but for the average Thai that’s a luxury dish.

Som tam on the other hand is cheap and available everywhere. Every neighbourhood has it som tam lady and if you ever need to catch up on local gossip go talk to her. The som tam lady knows everything.

It is made from grated/julienned green papaya which is mixed in a mortar with tomato, fish sauce, sugar, lime juice and a fiendish amount of chilli.

It is often garnished with freshwater crab but I refuse that. Eating crab from a polluted river that has been stored in a plastic jar through the heat of a Bangkok day is too much like asking for trouble.

Ka nom jin
Noodles, again with a very spicy sauce. The recipes for this are many and have been handed down through the generations. This one had prawns, string beans and plenty of chilli but it disappeared over the other side of the bar somewhere, I only got to sample a tiny fork-full

Neur bing/Moo bing

Making kaoneow bing

Neur is beef and moo is pork. These were strips of the respective meats dried, cut into strips and barbecued. The strips are about the length of a finger but a bit thinner and are tough and chewy.

Kao neow/Kao neow bing
Kao neow is sticky rice. The rice grains are soaked overnight and then steamed in a rattan basket. This produces a congealed, chewy mass of rice which you can break off, roll into balls and dunk in the sauce of your som tam. Kao neow bing sees the rice being flattened out and rolled into discs about four inches in diameter. These are coated with something yellow and a bit cheesy flavoured and barbecued.

Jing leed

Jing leed: nutty

This is a cricket, wok fried lightly salted and eaten whole. It is quite crunchy and has a delicious nutty flavour. It is about one to one-and-a-half inches long.

Tak ka tan
The common grasshopper and one of the most popular of the insect dishes. This little critter used to devastate crops. When the farmers discovered they were edible they got their own back. These days they are even farmed. Wok fried and lightly salted they taste a bit like Pringles with legs.

Maeng Da
The giant water beetle has quite a bitter taste. It can be eaten whole but I think it is best minced and mixed with chillies, shallots and spring onions and eaten with kao neow. They can also be used to flavour curries.

I didn’t get to try the silk worm larvae or whole load of other interesting things this time around. The dishes are all popular in Issan the north-eastern region of Thailand which borders Laos and Cambodia. This is where most of the girls that work the bars, as well as taxi drivers, construction workers, cleaners etc come from. And they all go down exceedingly well with a bottle or five of cold BeerLao.

I shall be bringing this to the attention of the management at the Darling Massage Parlour. Hopefully I’ll be able to convince them to reimburse my Skytrain fares on future visits.

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According to a story on ananova.com eating fresh watermelon produces the same effect as taking Viagra. You do have to eat rather a lot of it though. Six slices according to the article but it fails to say how big the slices should be.

The active ingredient in the melon is called citrulline. This reacts with an enzyme in the body to create an amino acid called arginine. “Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it,” said Bhimu Patil, director of Texas A&M University’s Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Centre.

I think this could be great news, watermelons are much cheaper than Viagra and you don’t need a prescription. So next time you see me schlepping up Sukhumvit to Soi 23 with a pocket full of watermelons you’ll know what I’m up to.

See also: Recreational Drugs

My old mate Captain Outrageous agrees. “You still treat them as you would regular women, you open doors and stuff like that. In the bedroom you feel like you are having sex with a girl who just happens to have a dick. Once you get over that little barrier you are on your way to some pretty explosive sex.”

I was keen to know about post-ops, ladyboys who have gone the whole hog and had gender re-assignment surgery. “Personally I prefer them with cock intact.” says the Captain. “It adds a little extra to the proceedings and she can’t fake an orgasm like regular girls can. That said there seems to be plenty of guys who favour the post-ops”

But why, isn’t that just going back to square one? “Not at all.” Explains the Cap’n. “What you have to remember is that although she now has the body and genitals of a girl she still has the same lust for wild uninhibited sex that you have. And as I’ve said before; that can get pretty explosive”

Just as there are bars in Patpong that are dedicated to ladyboys there is also a bar, Kings Corner, that is staffed exclusively by post-op ladyboys.

Now the nets first website featuring exclusively post-op ladyboys has just been launched. It’s called Ladyboy Pussy

Website: Ladyboy Pussy
Interview: Captain Outrageous
Challenge: Can you tell the difference

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“Dude, where’s our aircraft carrier?”, suggested this mornings South China Morning Post as one of the most likely thoughts to be running through the minds of more than a hundred crew members of the USS Ronald Reagan.

The ship, which was in Hong Kong for a spot of shopping, was supposed to stay until Monday but thundered out of port along with a cruiser, three destroyers and a frigate on Sunday afternoon leaving the men high and dry.

It seems the big swinging dicks in command had decided that Typhoon Fengshen, which had already upended a ferry in the Philippines killing hundreds, was getting too close for comfort so the US fleets fastest carrier upped anchor and fled.

The marooned men, meanwhile, did what any self respecting sailors would do and went to hoist their flags in the Filthy Acre to await further orders.

Times change but a sailors basic needs don’t. The Filthy Acre, or Beermuda Triangle as it is sometimes known, does in fact provide full support for stranded sailors. Beer, women, short-time hotels and all-day breakfasts are all within easy stagger of each other. The district of Wanchai has been providing these services throughout 150 years of British rule to the present day. The only difference now is that the Suzie Wongs come from all over Asia.

Meanwhile Typhoon Fengshen has been downgraded to a severe tropical storm and is expected to be closest to Hong Kong late tonight.

See also: Wanchai, aka the Filthy Acre
See also: Going for the ball
See also: The Red Lips bar, Hong Kong

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Nineteen-year-old Xiao Yun is a student in Beijing but she is native of Sichuan province in China. Her village was destroyed in last months devastating earthquake. Although her family are all in Beijing she has, never-the-less, been doing her bit to help raise money for the victims by posting pictures of herself, scantily clad, on a Chinese bbs and encouraging people to donate.

“I am still a student,” she says, “so I am doing my part in my way. I just want to give something back to my hometown.” The forum thread in which she posted the pictures received over a million hits in just a few days. I can understand why.

More pictures
Donate: Here

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This is one of the worlds first ever porn cartoons. It was made in 1928 and documents the adventures of it’s hero, Harton, as he attempts to bury his own treasure. Inspired by the birds and the bees it seems Harton will have a go at anything.

The quality is a little rough but that is to be expected and there are some delightful moments.

No one ever took credit for making the movie but legend has it that it involved some pretty big names of the day. Acording to Wikipedia it was made in honor of the pioneering animator Winsor McCay, whose work greatly influenced Disney and is still held in high esteem in animation circles. It was originally shown at a private party.

Watch: The disease of lesbianism
See website: Classic vintage porn movies

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The blonde might be natural but the redhead isn’t. I don’t mind though, I love shocking colours. So we have a platinum blonde, and a shocking red sandwiched between three quite different Asian bodies. What a party!

See also: Five naked girls
See also: The Spice of Life
See also: Porn without borders

“Eh? who is this” I said

“Manny, no one coming today”

“Eh? … Oh Mandy.” I remembered her tight Chinese pussy

“No one coming today, you can come?”

Mandy had only recently started working the rooms but she’d given me her number on my first visit. I had subsequently used it a few times so my number was in her phone’s memory.

Now the evening before had brought a truly impressive thunder storm and the heaviest rainfall in Hong Kong’s recorded history. It had got me thinking about Goth girls and sex by candlelight but Goths are pretty scarce in Honkers so I’d spent the evening in the company of some very fine beers

“You can come today?” she implored.

“Not today,” I said “I drink too much beer, no money left.”

“No problem, you can come.” She said with finality.

There had been quite a lot of flooding in her part of town. She said the girls that work nearby rooms had all stayed home and she had no one to talk to and no customers all day. “How come you are there?” I asked. She said she had stayed all night because the rain was too heavy.

It was just after 1.00pm. “OK, give me thirty minutes,” I said. Who am I to let a lady down?

I hung up, grabbed my wellies and headed for McDonalds. After years of consorting with working girls I’ve developed a sixth sense - I just know when they are hungry.

See also: A Hong Kong MILF

It may not be as sophisticated as other types of anime but hey, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step right? and Savita Bhabhi is an admirable first step.

The stories are updated daily. The first episode concerns a travelling bra salesman who gets himself into a bit of a … well go read for yourself.

For those of you that prefer real flesh and blood click on the thumbnail to the left to read all about the sub-continents hottest babe, Asha Kumara and her sweet little pussy

Visit: Savita Bhabi
See also: The sweet mystery of Asha Kumara
See also: An Indian Rose

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I was delighted to learn, via the good offices of ananova.com, that randy couples are queuing up to blow their hard earned wad on astral nookie.

Will Whitehorn, president of Virgin Galactic, said the group had been inundated with enquiries from couples hoping to make history. “One got in touch about a charter flight so they could be the first to have intercourse in space and get in the Guinness Book of Records.” He said

Having sex in zero gravity does sound like fun. But so does having sex in a hammock and having sex in the sea and I’ve tried both of those. Neither was easy and you have to be really determined to persevere.

In zero gravity the challenge would be even greater. You’d need some kind of climbing frame dealie to hang on to so as to anchor yourselves for the thrust

And you’d each need some Velcro on the pubic bone because if it slips out you could be stabbing around in the firmament for ages trying to re-dock.

Personally I’d be more interested to know if there is intelligent life out there … and whether it’s females are cute.

See also: A shag in a hammock

The photo was taken in 1976 by Martin Elliott and features 18-year-old Fiona Butler, his girlfriend at the time. Not, as many rumours have suggested, a male or transvestite.

My first thought was that they are hoping to sell it to exactly the same people that bought it 30-years ago but apparently it is something of a collectors item on e-bay. The edition is signed numbered and limited to a run of 1,850.

You can buy the poster online: Pyramid Posters
Interview with model: Fiona Butler

Rather enjoying it, the lad turns and asks her, “Why do you like doing that so much?”

“Because I really miss mine”, she replies.

Oh but it’s not funny. If you’re ever heading to Bangkok you need to be able to tell the difference between a lady and a ladyboy so I’ve devised a little test.

Now, you’re in Patpong, it’s nearly closing time. You’re three sheets to the wind and you are desperate to score. You stagger into one last bar, sway a little, close one eye and survey the stage. You’ve got to choose yourself a female. The odds are stacked against you but it’s not impossible - How many drinks will you have to buy to get a girl?

Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink

TOTTI’S BAR

Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink

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I’ve never worn diapers, well not since I was a baby anyway, and I’ve never really considered them as erotic fun wear … either for me or my partner. But there are people that do, especially in Japan.

Diaper fetish sites are not new though most of them just look like adult models dressed up. They don’t convince me and personally I don’t find them particularly erotic.

Japan’s Bebigyaru, on the other hand, brings an otaku/manga/cosplay sensibility to the pictures. These do convince me. I haven’t decided if I find them erotic yet but they do fascinate. They have a surreal quality that challenges the libido by offering a sexually desirable woman in a context that isn’t sexual. Though the cartoon like style does make them look vulnerable.

Fortunately none of the diapers appear to have been used for what they were intended but I would imagine it’s only a matter of time. Already there are several factions with the diaper loving fraternity.

There are some that like the models to do the whole baby thing and others that just like to see grown women wearing them. And of course a good many admirers like to wear them too.
Visit website Bebigyaru

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An old cowboy was sitting in the new Starbucks enjoying a coffee.

Presently a young woman sat down next to him, “Are you a real cowboy?” She asked

“Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts,” He replied, “I’ve been working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.”

“I’m a lesbian!” She said. “I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower I think about women. When I watch TV I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”

The two sat drinking their coffees in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy. “Are you a real cowboy?” He asked.

“Well I always thought I was,” said the cowboy, “but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

See Also: Philosophy is like an erection
See Also: Annual check-up

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Those adorable Japanese schoolgirl uniforms could become a thing of the past as slacks are slowly becoming part of girls uniform throughout the country. Earlier this year Sapporo Junior High made them compulsory and skirts will only be permitted for three months during the summer.

In Sapporo the reasons are for keeping out the icy winds in winter but elsewhere eliminating the gender gap is being given as one of the reasons for making the switch.

Opinions are divided. Some praise the slacks for their warmth and ease of movement, others complain that they are too hot and make them look geeky,

“I wear trousers all the time normally and they’re easier to get around in, so I don’t feel weird, but everybody notices when we’re outside school,” third-year student Yuka Taniguchi told the Mainichi Daily News

Which do you prefer? (Mainichi)

But second-year student Chika Takami is unrepentant. “Slacks are easier to move around in,” she says. “But there’s a very strong image that schoolgirls wear skirts. And school is the only time in our lives that we can wear these uniforms.”

That’s not strictly true though is it Chika. We can think of plenty of other times that you might like to wear them, can’t we chaps?

Read: Original story

See also: A class of their own
See also: Where to meet Japanese schoolgirls
See also: Singing for my supper

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The thing about Hong Kong’s 141 girls is that you never really know what you are going to get. The faces on the website pictures are invariably pixelated out and you’ve no way of knowing, until you get there, if the photo shows someone who was five years younger than she is now.

This doesn’t worry me too much. I can appreciate a woman in her late thirties just as easily one in her late teens or early twenties, and for the most part I quite enjoy the surprise. Of course there are times when you just have to say “Oops I’m sorry, I think I pressed the wrong bell.”

A good many of the younger ones work for short periods to raise some fast cash then get out the business. A lot come in from mainland China on 4-week visitors permits. The older ones are almost always from the mainland and are career hookers.

Personally I like to seek out local Hong Kong girls because if I find one that I like there a decent chance I’ll be able to find her when I next pass through. Even if she’s no longer working the 141s there is always a possibility she’ll be willing to give me her mobile number.

But Hong Kong MILFs are a rare thing indeed. My favourite is still a year or two shy of thirty so to my mind doesn’t qualify for milfhood yet.

Well the other day I found myself way down the eastern end of Hong Kong island. I knew the whereabouts of some 141 places but I’d never visited them so after I’d done what I went out that way to do I decided to investigate.

It was down a quiet and forlorn little lane, the usual dingy old doorway. I climbed the narrow stairs to the first floor and found three rooms with a very civilised waiting area boasting table and chairs. I must admit I have reservations about waiting my turn, if I can’t walk straight in I’d rather walk away and try somewhere else. Still, I thought it was a nice touch.

I rang the first bell. The girl that opened would have been in her mid-thirties. big boned but not fat. Indeed, she looked quite fit. She was good looking though not beautiful, it was a round friendly face with an easy smile.

Showed me the price written on the mirror and asked if that was agreeable. I agreed and then I said “You’re a Hong Kong girl?” She smiled and asked how I could tell. “Because you speak with a Cantonese accent!” I told her. Mandarin speakers sound different.

We chatted for about twenty minutes before we even got our clothes off. It turned out that the family had sold it’s fresh produce market business. Most of the younger members had gone abroad and the parents wanted to retire. She wasn’t short of cash but she did want to build up a small pile that was beyond the purview of the family.

She was also a bit lonely since she’d divorced several years before and said that hooking allowed her a bit of fun without commitment. Plus she could study between customers. “You want to go back to college?” I asked. She said she just wanted to know more “stuff” at the moment.

“How long will you stay here?” I asked in the shower afterwards. She said maybe one or two more weeks. I asked if I could call when I passed through next time. She put her arms around me and gave me a hug. “When I go back to my normal life”, she said, “I stay in my normal life.”

Gotta respect that ain’t you. Sigh!

Read also: The Red Lips bar in Hong Kong
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Because you guys love Japanese shaved pussy so much I’ve got quite a bit in there. I’ve also added a shrine to Chinese shaved pussy called China Shaved. The pictures come from a site called Shave Asian with the girls, all ethnic Chinese, seeming to be mostly from Hong Kong, Taiwan and mainland China. Though I’m sure there are representatives from the Chinatowns of South East Asia as well.

I’ve no idea who runs the site but the photography is in the style of one of my all time favourite magazines from pre internet days. The mag was called Hong Kong 97 and was published in both English and Chinese versions. But since it was cover to cover pictures - with the only words being the name on the cover and the names of the models - both versions were enjoyed by all people no matter what language they spoke.

The cover here is the only one I could find on the net. I’ll go look to see if it is still published when I’m back in Hongkers in a few days time.

See also: Perv Olympics
See also: Kung Hei Fat Choi
See also: China Shaved

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The Ueno Okura Theater, Japan’s most famous porno cinema is holding a Porn Festival from May 2 to 7.

The cinema shows porn all day everyday but that is not the point; “All our patrons are in their late 40s or older,” a theater spokesman says. “We want to attract younger fans, which is why we’re holding the festival.”

Organizers say the main attraction of the five day festival will be the talk shows. “We’re going to have nine adult movie directors involved in the talk show including Yutaka Ikejima, who started out as an actor and has directed over 100 works, and ‘Living Legend’ Kinya Ogawa, who was the chief assistant director on Japan’s first domestically produced porno ‘Nikutai no Ichiba (The Flesh Market)’ in 1962.”

Some of the actresses will be appearing as well. Among those lined up are are actress/director Yumi Yoshiyuki, Yuria Hidaka and Ami Natsui, who is also a regular on Sky Perfect cable TV.

But with so much porn readily available in the internet that can be accessed in privacy, what’s the attraction of going to a cinema?

“Adult movies made for video are totally focused on honban (”the real thing,” i.e. intercourse), but pink movies like the ones we’re showing are artistic films all the way.” The spokesman says. “These films may have sex scenes, but they’ve also got romance, suspense and other storylines with proper developments. The appeal lies in how these films have incorporated eroticism. And youth is the gateway to success for the makers of these movies.”

Our model has some movies of her own, click on her pic to see them.

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And serious they got. They invested in a nice comfortable super-sized condom. Unfortunately it was a bit too super-sized so to help it stay in place Nicolae super-glued it to his cock.

The super-glue, you’ll be pleased to note, lived up to all it’s manufacturers claims. Thus having reached their own private nirvana they returned to earth to find the condom had stuck fast.

They repaired to the local clinic for assistance where one of the nurses told Associated Press; “He even said that he thought the condom could be used several times and that he wanted it stuck on his penis so he could use it again later. We barely managed to remove it in the end.”

Our Model, Tussinee, has nothing to do with the story I just thought you might like to look at her.

See also: A girl like Tussinee

Now there are just to many to do a really exhaustive survey so I’ve decided to omit all the special effect varieties, you know, the textured and the flavoured. They may be worth a post in their own right at some point in the future.

There is another type which I won’t include in the main survey but I thought I’d tell you about them now. Largely because it was the first time I’d ever tried them. These give you a tingling or warming sensation. I guessed they must be filled with the same types of herbs and oils that the respectable aromatherapy massage parlours use to sooth tired limbs all over Bangkok.

Now an old friend of mine, who sometimes hangs out at the Thermae Coffee shop and Bar, used to work in one of those parlours so I pocketed a packet of three and went off to look for her. She wasn’t hard to find. “Sawasdee ka, Khun Seymour.” She beamed. “Not see you long time.”

I told that it had been way too long and that I had, in fact, come specially to find her. “You come look me?” she said. I did indeed, I replied. I have some new condoms I want to try and you are the perfect person to help.

In the taxi on the way back I explained that they contained special oils like the ones she used to use for massaging feet. She looked at me with the raised eyebrows of utter disbelief and then howled with laughter. “K- k-ka ….” she stammered. Excuse me? I said “K-k-ka … ” she tried again before losing it to another peel of laughter.

“Kaaaa-NOT!” she finally exclaimed, with a great deal of emphasis on the latter syllable and slapping her thigh lest I should be left in any doubt. She then buried her face in my shoulder and tried not to laugh for the rest of the journey. And I might add that she failed miserably.

By the time we got to the bedroom she had calmed down a bit. Her own curiosity had got the better of her and she wanted to see what was in these condoms. She is an excellent masseuse and gave my whole body a good working over before getting to the naughty bits.

“You sure?” she asked opening the condom. I nodded. She pulled it out of the wrapper and held it up to the light, looking at it with a cute wrinkled nose. She sniffed it and said something in Thai that was beyond my comprehension. “Sorry I don’t know English name” she said.

Normally she would unroll the condom with her mouth simultaneously giving a blow-job, this time she didn’t. I started feeling a sensation almost immediately not unpleasant and not like the Vick’s Vapour Rub I had been half expecting. Warm but not Deep Heat.

She massaged my dick for a while, I was enjoying the hand-job but I couldn’t see how it might improve or enhance an actual fuck. And I wasn’t to find out either because she yanked the thing off and made it quite clear that I wasn’t putting it anywhere near her pussy. Upon which she frog-marched me to the bathroom and made sure all hands and dick were thoroughly scrubbed before taking advantage of me in the shower.

You don’t like them then? I asked afterwards. “Good for feet” she said. “Maybe good for you but I no like.” I tend to agree. They could have some mileage as a masturbation aid but if I’m having sex with a woman I want to enjoy her not the condom.

See also: Thermae, Bangkok: The last chance saloon
See also: A little bit of soap