Seymour Totti's Foreign Policy

Dressed and undressed

Seymour Totti — Mon, 07 May 2012 17:43:16 +0000


The dressed/undressed style combo pics have been around for some time. For those of you that live under a rock these comprise two pics of a model, one fully clothed and the other … well I think you can figure it out. I think it’s great. I love to see pictures of the girls fully clothed especially if they are the kind of girls you might see down at your local mall or on the bus. And while I realise it may not be too practical I’d love to see pictures of the girls doing those ordinary things, it brings the fantasy a little more alive. These girls are all from ATK Exotica, they present a wonderful range of everyday girls of many ethnic persuasions. And remember, variety is the spice of life.

You made me wet

Seymour Totti — Sun, 06 May 2012 01:18:38 +0000


It was Songkran a couple of weeks ago. This is the Thai New Year. Its a touching little ceremony that celebrates the coming of the rains after the long hot dry season. Young folk gently sprinkle a little water on their elders in a symbolic gesture of cleansing and renewal. Afterwards they go out and sprinkle water on their friends … and anything else that moves. Basically it is a 4-day national wet t-shirt competition.

Fuck shopping

Seymour Totti — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:39:31 +0000

My iPod has excellent taste. I have a huge, random playlist and as I clicked it on this morning up came the Theme from Shaft. The sun was shining and I felt like such a bad arse as I crossed the road and got onto the bus to take me into town. I had an appointment this morning but I figured there was just enough time to go into H&M and buy some new shreddies on the way.

I loathe shopping. Some of the saddest people I have ever seen are men who are being dragged around mall after mall on a Saturday afternoon by wives who don’t know really what they are looking for. Perhaps they are just afraid they’ll miss something.

I do my shopping at 10.00am on Wednesday mornings when the shops have just opened and there is no-one else there. I know exactly what I want and can usually get it over with in a matter of minutes.

Except when the twats rearrange the shop. This morning I headed straight to the corner where the shreddies an socks are kept only to discover a wall full of hats and ties.

Shops do this shit a lot. It happens in the supermarket with alarming regularity I suppose they think we’ll wander around looking for stuff and see other things so we’ll buy that as well. I turned and fled. Fuck ‘em, if they’re going to waste my time with shitty hide and seek games I’ll shop elsewhere.

The acid test

Seymour Totti — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 19:30:32 +0000

That didn’t really say hydrochloric acid I thought as I zipped by the new Okomoto adverts on the Hong Kong MTR. What would anyone be doing filling up a condom with acid? Never-the-less it became fixed in my mind and every time I passed one of the ads I forgot to slow down and read it properly.

Then one day staring at a packet in the supermarket queue so I picked it up to have a read. Hyaluronic Acid it boasted, I didn’t know what the fuck that was so I Googled it. Wikipedia says it’s: an anionic, non-sulfated glycosaminoglycan distributed widely throughout connective, epithelial, and neural tissues. I was no nearer. I did glean that it had medical and cosmetic applications so the next time I was out I picked up a packet of three.

Okomoto make great condoms … if you are Japanese. The latex is about as thin as latex can get and they feel great but the elastic at the top is just too tight to get over your todger comfortably so I had my doubts. I took them to a girl who I knew was skilled in the delicate task of putting condoms onto clients.

Good, she said, when she saw the box. Rather than trying to unroll the condom over the glans in the conventional manner she pulled the elastic outwards and over the entire bell-end before unrolling it along the shaft. It went on surprisingly easy. The acid is actually a lubricant and felt about as warm and natural as you can get with a condom on. A winner.

The second girl was from mainland China. Probably a student who came over on a four week visa to get some cash together and go shopping. I had to show her the trick of stretching the opening out to get it over the glans but after that it was great.

The last one I put onto myself just for the practice.

The verdict: Pretty damn good, I shall keep a couple of boxes in my travelling bag.

See also: Condom vs Condom

Sperm control

Seymour Totti — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 02:43:17 +0000

There is a new form of male contraceptive. It’s called RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance) and it’s been in advanced clinical trials in India for some time with some of the participants having used it for as long as 15 years.

It’s a bit like a vasectomy but instead of cutting the vans deferens they simply coat the inside of it with a gel that kills the sperm as they go by. The big difference is that the procedure is reversible.

The doctor pokes a tiny hole in your nut-sack whips out the vans deferens and injects the gel then stuffs it back in again. Once for each side and presto, your done. You don’t even need any stitches. The whole process takes about 15 minutes and you can walk away.

The gel is effective immediately but you do need to allow about three days to flush yourself out completely.

In 2010, a small foundation that grew out of the Male Contraception Information Project purchased the rights to begin studying and developing RISUG for the rest of the world. Its new name is Vasalgel and they aim to have it on the market as early as 2015.

Read also: Male Contraception Information Project

Madrid’s high-class escorts declare a strike on sex with bankers

Seymour Totti — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:56:16 +0000

I’ve got nothing to do with the story but you can’t see my pussy until you click the pic

(I found this delightful story on Reddit, there was no link to the original I believe it was translated from a Spanish newspaper)

Madrid’s largest trade association for luxury escorts yesterday announced the beginning of a total and indefinite strike on sexual services for bank employees until they go back to providing credit to Spanish families, SMEs and companies.

The idea for this strike arose from the experience of Lucia C.P., one of the association’s members, who during the press conference excitedly recounted how one of her regular clients had told her that for months his sole undertaking had been to borrow hundreds of millions of euros from the ECB’s liquidity window at 1% and immediately invest this money in European government debt and highly specialized products like credit default swaps (CDS) and commodity hedge funds with returns of between 3 and 7%, pocketing the difference. “Then one day I got fed up and said to him, ‘Enough is enough, no? You can forget about my pussy until you fulfill your responsibility to society.’

At first my client grumbled and threatened to raise my maintenance and transfer fees, but in the end he backed down and three days later he came back with a notarial certificate of having granted a line of credit to an SME and a loan for the purchase of a Citroën van to a freelancer. This is how I realized that we could help get the credit flowing again.”

The banking confederation has formally requested the establishment of minimum services and government mediation to resolve the conflict as soon as possible. But the Ministry of Economic Affairs and Competitiveness headed by Luis de Guindos acknowledged that the lack of legislation regulating the sector makes it very difficult for the government to intercede in the conflict. “In fact, there has not even been a formal communication of the strike—the escorts are making use of their right of admission to deny entry to, well, you know. So no one can negotiate.”

Ana M.G., the trade association’s spokeswoman, pointed out that all previous attempts by the government, the FROB and the Bank of Spain to get the banking sector to return to financing the real economy have failed. “We are the only ones with a real ability to pressure the sector,” said the spokeswoman. “We have been on strike for three days now and we don’t think they can withstand much more. In fact, there have already been pitiful attempts to use our services by posing as engineers or architects, but they don’t fool anyone since it has been many years since these professionals could afford rates that start from 300 euros an hour,” she continued.

Beating the devil

Seymour Totti — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 15:40:14 +0000

It was Chingche today. That is the Feast of Excited Insects and it marks the change over from winter to spring in southern China. It is also, apparently, an excellent day for for beating out devils. I certainly beat the devil out of mine this morning but that is different.

Chingche is also the day of the white tiger ladies. Old women sit out under the Canal Road flyover in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong beating out devils for anyone who needs it. And I don’t mean MILF hand-jobs.

It’s a sort of voodoo curse where the customer goes along and asks the tiger ladies to beat the devil out of someone they have a reason to dislike. For HK$50 (US$6.50) you write the name, telephone number and any other details you know (or can glean from your husbands mobile phone) onto a piece of paper with the image of a male or female. The tiger lady issues a few chants over it, waves it around a bit and proceeds the thrash it with the heel of a shoe whilst uttering expletives and oaths.

When it has been sufficiently thrashed it is wrapped in in a paper tiger and cast into the fire whereupon, no doubt, the spirits get on the phone and deliver stinging rebukes to each other … well why else would they need the telephone numbers?

The practice has evolved from the times when women used to carry images of the tigers into the home to scare away rats and snakes.

New year, new pussy

Seymour Totti — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:14:06 +0000

As usually happens just after Chinese New Year, a whole new crop of girls has arrived in Hong Kong from the Mainland. As the Chinese holiday season approaches the number of working girls in town gradually dwindles as girls from across the border start returning to be with their families. Then, for two weeks, there are very few of them around. Once the season is over a whole new batch arrives.

I do miss the ones ones that had become regulars but there are plenty of new ones to get to know. Should keep me occupied for the next few weeks at any rate.

Yumi Aina on the right here is not from China, she is from Japan. She has the most edible pussy ever

For whom the (wedding) bells toll

Seymour Totti — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 04:32:47 +0000

I’m about I’m about the last person you’d want to ask for advice concerning marriage. Never-the-less I do get the occasional e-mail from guys looking for a permanent mate.”How easy is it to find a girl who would be willing to marry a foreigner?”, “What are the pitfalls of doing so?”

To answer the first question; it’s very easy indeed. The pitfalls are that most of them seem to fail. What you have to remember is that most bargirls (and mail-order brides for that matter) come from very poor, rural parts of their country. They have large extended families and don’t have much by way of an education.

Transplanting them to your country often causes them serious culture shock. They are far away from all their friends and family. Girls from the Philippines will at least be able to speak English, Thais will have a much harder time just communicating, and they probably wont even be able to find a decent plate of som tam.

But there are some success stories, the ones I know all live in this part of the world. If you are dead set on marrying one then you probably need to consider that option. I’d suggest you come out for a visit, hit a few bars and fuck around a bit. Travel up country and get an idea of what the place is really like. Also talk to expats, you’ll usually find some in bars. They’ll give you their thoughts on the idea.

Japanese girls don’t squeak

Seymour Totti — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:00:40 +0000

That’s according to an air hostess I’ve been seeing these past couple of weeks. She’s Japanese. I met her in Qatar last year but didn’t really get to spend any time with her. But we exchanged e-mails and now it turns out she’s rostered onto Hong Kong flights. At least for this month.

Anyway we met for for a couple of glasses and I popped the question. Do all Japanese girls squeak? I asked. It’s been some years since I was in Japan and I couldn’t remember any of the girls I’d slept with squeaking.

But they always do in porn movies, I insisted. She said the she certainly doesn’t and pointed out that most peoples houses were small and the walls thin. Girls would be too embarrassed to go outside if they made noises like that.

She won’t let me rumple up her air hostess uniform but on subsequent visits she does bring other uniforms that I’m more than welcome to mess up. Sometimes she squeaks but then she catches herself and we end up laughing.

Bangkok Bar Girls

Seymour Totti — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:08:56 +0000

I was asked, the other day, how I manage to keep my youthful good looks. Apparently I didn’t look like the old pot-bellied, beer swilling drunk that my inquisitor assumed normally hangs out at Bangkok girly bars. I say assumed because I doubt that they’ve ever been to one and that they have built up their cherrished stereotype from hearsay.

Excessive beer swilling does, of course, promote pot bellies regardless of what bar you drink it in. But I don’t drink excessive amounts of beer nor do I visit girly bars all that often. I do both sometimes and I enjoy myself when I do but it’s mostly for networking. When I entertain birgirls it’s usually a pre-arranged rendezvous in the afternoon. Most of the time I’m early to bed and early to rise, hitting the gym at 6.00am and never eating junk food or drinking soda.

It helps keep my body in reasonable shape so I can enjoy abusing it all the more.

Necessity is the mother of invention

Seymour Totti — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:50:59 +0000

Well it took two years for the idea to germinate but I’m sure it wont take that long before it actually goes into production. The FleshLiPad is a helpful little device that allows you to attach your fleshlight to the underside of your iPad so you can more effectively fap to the images contained therein.

Apple’s churlish notion of keeping porn off it’s devices was always doomed to failure, unless they were planning on eradicating it from the internet. Old Jobsy will be spinning in his grave at the thought of thousands of sex-starved blokes crashing his gizmos into groins whilst slobbering over the contents of their rule 34 folder. And since this will be just a peice of plastic that wont need an iTunes store for distribution there is no snoopware that can stop it.

Till death do us part

Seymour Totti — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:16:47 +0000

I heard the sad tale of a man fapped his way off this mortal coil while surfing porn on the internet. Heart attack apparently though it wasn’t known if it happened mid-stroke or if it was triggered by the realisation of a sticky nirvana. Either way sitting at the kitchen table with your laptop open and your pants around your knees is a rather undignified way to go.

That story, which was revealed in the pub the other evening, was followed by other yarns about guys in Bangkok who have met their doom by overdosing on Viagra. I find those stories less believable. There is no benefit to pumping extra Sildenafil into your blood, once you have a stiffy that is it. You’re not going to grow a second cock no matter what.

It can affect people that have a pre-existing heart condition, that’s why it’s a good idea to see the Doc. But it’s more likely that their heart attacks were triggered by over exertion. I must admit, having your dick shoved up a pussy and your face buried in voluptuous boobies, is a far more agreeable place to breathe your last.

I hope when my time comes it will be cumming with a girl like Mai Ly here.

Year of the Dragon

Seymour Totti — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:54:01 +0000

The year has started cold and miserable in Hong Kong. It’s made even more miserable by the shortage of working girls. Well at least my favourite ones have all buggered off back to China for the spring festival.

There are others of course but in weather like this I like to just hop into a taxi and go knowing that the girl will be there when I arrive. At Chinese New Year most things close down for three days, or sometimes as much as two weeks. That includes a lot of the girls most of whom come from the mainland.

I could always head up to the Wanchai and chase Filipinas but that would involve also consuming large amounts of alcohol and, to be honest, I enjoy sex a lot more when I’m sober. At least I can remember who I fucked the following day.

See also: China Pussy
See also: Shaved Chinese Pussies

Silky smooth pussy from Japan

Seymour Totti — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:41:58 +0000

Have you ever actually tried nude sushi? It’s sashimi really since you layer it onto a naked body rather then a block of rice and you don’t actually eat the body, just suck and lick it a bit … well rather a lot really.

The idea is that you layer bit of sashimi over a naked body and then eat it without using chopsticks. It’s great in theory but the problem is that without wasabi and soy sauce the sashimi isn’t all the great and girls do not like getting either of those in their pussies. And you would not like them on your dick either I can assure you.

Dessert items work a lot better, canned fruit and whipped cream are excellent and neither of them sting. Smarties or chocolate M&Ms will get you into a delicious colourful mess. For the weight conscious try slices of peach, mango, kiwi and banana with yoghurt. Mmmmm yummy.

Enjoy these shaved pussies from Japan, you can find more at these links:

See also Service with a smile
See also Nine Shaved pussies from Japan
See also: 101 shaved Asian Pussies
See also: G Queen Site Review

Soft Fluffy Towels

Seymour Totti — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 03:05:17 +0000

You know the time, when she’s just got out the shower and she’s got a soft fluffy dressing gown on and a towel wrapped around her head. But underneath them she is all shiny and clean and naked and smelling of lovely soapy things.

It makes me so horny. Got to get her attention before she stars putting her make-up on or all will be lost. Reach out and give that dressing gown a tug. She’s pretending not to notice but I know. I’ll give it a harder tug next time she passes. There, got it this time, and I’m not going to let go. She falls back onto the bed. “Look do you mind” she protests, “I’m trying to … have you moved my hair dryer”

But she wont protest for long then we can have another shower, together all soft and soapy and slippery together. Then I shall give her hair dryer back

Shaved Japanese lesbian pussy at the 7-11

Seymour Totti — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:44:34 +0000

As soon as had I pressed the button on the last post I remembered this little blockbuster from the good folks at G-Queen. If you are going to run a mini-mart this is the way to do it. Tell everyone take off their knickers before they are allowed in.

It makes perfect sense. It would cut down on petty theft because there would be fewer pockets in which to hide things. It would also save me from this kind of indignity next time I think about getting the hots for a checkout girl.

But quite simply it would just make popping out for a couple of packets of dried noodles a lot more fun.

Are you being served

Seymour Totti — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:11:46 +0000

Look what I got at Marks & Spencers

I hate shopping, I loathe it to the very core of my soul. I’m not the only one. I’ve seen it on the faces of other blokes as they hang around changing rooms waiting for the Mrs to try on yet another dress or nodding obediently in Ikea as it is pointed out to them that these knick-knacks will look very nice next to all the other crap that is now cluttering up the idiotic curly bookshelf they bought last week.

But shopping is a necessary evil and I do have to do it sometimes. So I tend to do it early on weekday mornings. I find 10.00am on a Wednesday is a good time. And I’ve noticed there are quite a few other men have the same idea. It’s a joy to watch, each customer knows exactly what he is looking for. This week it’s shirts; try on one, buy five and away. The chore is completed in a matter of minutes.

It’s money for old rope as far as the stores are concerned and they should quietly promote it. Not with sales, big advertising and shit. We’re happy to pay a little more just to avoid the weekend melee. But they could see to it that they have their prettiest staff working and that they smile when they swipe our credit cards. That would be really nice.

Striking up a conversation

Seymour Totti — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 16:01:45 +0000

I’ve never been into BDSM much myself. Some of the accessories are fun and on the right kind of body some of the fetish fashions are very sexy indeed. But when it comes to the actual inflicting and receiving of pain I’m a bit of a wimp I’m afraid.

I’ve chatted with the girls outside the Try Something Different bar in Bangkok numerous times. They don’t inflict pain though they do sometimes stroke the toys they have across the front of my trousers. I’ve never been inside although they always try to entice me. They tell me there are live shows and audience interaction.

I’d always been led to understand by the S&M folks that I’ve met that it is bad form to get into that stuff when you were drinking alcohol as some people tend to get a bit carried away. But I guess in an environment like that there are people keeping an eye on proceedings.

I don’t want to interact but I would like to see the girls. The average Thai build is too slight to carry BDSM gear convincingly and I’m keen to find out if they have recruited some bustier examples from somewhere.

How much for one beer, I asked. “Nine-hundreds baht for first beer,” she beamed, taking my hand. “OUCH!” I yelped and scampered away.

The girlfriend experience (GFE)

Seymour Totti — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:04:52 +0000

I get the impression sometimes that lots of people think a ‘girlfriend experience’ is something elusive and mysterious. In case there is anyone who doesn’t know the term, a girlfriend experience is a rendezvous with a sex worker who … well … behaves more like a girlfriend than a sex worker.

She is someone who is good at giving the impression that she actually likes you and enjoys having sex with you rather than just lying back and counting the dollar signs. Well of course, that is the kind of service we all prefer but what baffles me is why some people think it is harder to find than the golden fleece itself.

I was talking to a girl the other day who made me think about this. We’d just had a post coital doze and were getting dressed. “Thank you,” she said, “you make me happy.” I told her that I was glad that I could make her cum too.

“Not only,” she said. “Last customer was a very boring man, he no smile, he no talk. I feel very scare … so I make him cum very quickly. He pay 2 hour but him finish, him go 30 minutes only. He not say anything but I afraid he angry … but now I happy again,” and she gave me a big hug.

Sex work is a risky business and you can understand some girls being a bit reserved at first. Of course, there are those that are never going to lighten up but for the most part my encounters are always cheerful and friendly. They are human beings and they respond well to being treated as such.

Xuan-Vy sticks her ass in the air again

Seymour Totti — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 18:32:47 +0000

It seems Christmas cracker Xuan-Vy provoked quite a few erections out there. I think it was the cute little red hat that did it, after all there are sweet shaved pussies aplenty lying around. I’ve got to admit though, the lass simply oozes sex.

Xuan-Vy is Vietnamese, at least her name is Vietnamese, that’s the only thing I know about her. But she does remind me of a girl I met in Laos a couple of years ago for some reason. I don’t suppose they looked that much alike really and the Lao girl kept her clothes on at all times. She just wanted to practice her English.

At the end of the conversation we shook hands. Her handshake was firm and strong, her hands small and muscular. Made so, no doubt, by a childhood spent working in the fields. The were a little rough but nothing a little baby oil couldn’t fix. I’m convinced she would have been able to administer a sublime hand-job. Alas she was currently employed by the restaurant we were sitting in and the chance of smuggling her out for a spot of freelance seemed remote.

Another gallery here, See also the Christmas Cracker gallery

Emission accomplished

Seymour Totti — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 14:33:04 +0000

Call me old fashioned but I’ve never been into really hard core porn. If I’m going to fantasise about girl I don’t want to see some other bloke’s dick thrusting in and out. I want to see my dick. Now I know I’m supposed to imagine it’s my dick in the picture or movie but I that doesn’t work for me. My dick wouldn’t pull out and spray cum all over her face.

I’ll come in her mouth and I’ll cum in her pussy. If I’ve had to pull out because we’ve been risking it I’ll come in her hands, on her tramp stamp or sometimes all over the bed sheets. Though I haven’t needed to do that since I had the snip and besides my current lifestyle dictates I bag it up on a regular basis. But I do like a cuddle afterwards and if her face is covered in spooge, even mine, it rather puts me off.

I have plenty of other fetishes mind you. I quite like being pee’d on and I love girls with unusual contrasts. Black girls with blonde hair, Chinese girls with Scottish accents, any kind of girl in coloured wigs. I enjoy 50-year old MILFs as well as 20-year old babes.

But variety is the spice of life and there are plenty of people out there that do like the money shots so if you’re one of them, these three bukake babes are for you.

See also: A bit of rough stuff

Fappy New Year

Seymour Totti — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:01:16 +0000

According to some commentators the world is going to end on December 21, 2012. The Mayans said so, they bleat. The Mayan’s world actually came to an end over a thousand years ago so we can’t ask them for an update. Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church reckoned that Jesus would return to Earth by 1891 after which the End of Times would begin. Pat Robertson claimed it was going to end in 1982 but he’s still out there talking shit. And last year Harold Camping said May … and then October.

I think it’s all a load of bollocks. In a world of celebrity obsession and reality TV they are just sad gits resorting to desperate measures to grab their fifteen minutes.

But just in case I’m going to see that I get as much fucking and wanking in as I possibly can. Happy New Year

Painted ladies

Seymour Totti — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:00:09 +0000

I know a girl who has a goldfish on her right shoulder. “It’s not finished yet!” she pleaded when I asked if I could take a picture of it. And when are you going to get it finished? She told me the next time she goes back up country and has enough money to pay for it.

Tattoos can get quite expensive. This one covers almost all of her right shoulder and is intended to spread all the way down her back incorporating several more fish. The goldfish as a symbol is intended to attract wealth and harmony in both business and personal affairs.

I told her that when she got it finished I would pay her good money to pose nude and show it off. “You give me money I go get it finished tomorrow.” I told her that if I gave her that kind of money she would have to have more than the tattoo artists needle stuck into into her. “Deal!,” she beamed and we sealed it with a high five.

Good enought to eat

Seymour Totti — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 15:49:34 +0000

Childish I know but I can’t help but snigger everytime I pass one of these. This one is staffed by two delicious bits of crumpet. Sadly they think I’m only interested in their lemon meringue and egg custards. Little do they know that I dream of eating their muffins.

Taking off

Seymour Totti — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 20:14:00 +0000

Contrary to popular belief not all air hostesses are gagging for it the moment they get off the plane. In fact very few are. But for a fellow who finds himself working in some pretty sexually inhospitable places sometimes it is either a trolly dolly or a camel, the natives are out of bounds.

I’ve been seeing a Filipina hostess. She’s married but we both agreed that this was a no commitment affair. But inevitably the conversation rolls around.

“Would it have been any different,” she asks, “if I’d met you before.” Before what I ask. “You know, a long time ago.”

It would have been very different I assure her, you wouldn’t have liked me then. “Why do you think that?” she asks. Because I was the same then as I am now and you would have had no interest in a discreet, no commitment affair. I pointed out that it was perfectly normal to feel bored and lonely when her work kept her away from home. But that if she was unhappy at home she must deal with it without the clutter of another person clouding her judgement.

She told me everything was fine at home but she worried about me. There’s no need, I told her, I’ve come this far alone I’m sure I can make it the rest of the way. She seemed somehow reassured.

She had an early morning flight next day and I left a few days later. I’m still not sure if she was breaking up with me or trying to propose. She has my e-mail address but she hasn’t contacted me since. Probably for the best.

Little brown shaved pussy

Seymour Totti — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 21:26:00 +0000

Here’s a trio of delicious, brown shaved pussies. Why? Because they are trio of delicious, brown shaved pussies. What other reason could you need? Oh all right, they are called Emelie, Maya, and Janelyn.

Merry Christmas guys

Seymour Totti — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 19:00:39 +0000

This is Xuan-Vy, she’s Vietnamese and she wants to tell you where you can stick your Christmas pudding!

Call me Scrooge but I don’t like Christmas. Oh I’m all for peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind, you never see any of that though. You get shopping malls engorged with even more crap than usual playing background music that makes you want to punch people.

The best thing about Christmas is girls wearing Santa hats. It makes me want to fuck them. Of course I’d probably still want to fuck them even if they weren’t wearing Santa hats.

Showing pink

Seymour Totti — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:17:11 +0000

Some years ago in Hong Kong I was walking back to the office after a liquid lunch with some colleagues. Along Pottinger Street there are a lot of fancy dress stalls. One of the girls in the group decided it was the perfect time to try on a a few coloured wigs and feather boas.

She was pretty enough but no more than average. In a pink wig however she sent shockwaves down my spine and I had to duck behind the George W Bush halloween masks to adjust my trousers.

Asian girls quite often put highlights in their hair, it’s very attractive. Once in a while you see one with their hair dyed blonde but this is quite rare. A shame because it’s really very sexy. Brightly coloured wigs are just visual viagra but outside of Japanese cosplay you never see Asian girls wearing them. Even in porn it is rare.

Service with a smile and a shapely bum

Seymour Totti — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 03:49:37 +0000

I found a nice little coffee shop the other day which is owned and operated by a cute Japanese cougar. She is also the waitress, the barista and cooks up toasties muffins and other snacks. The muffins and coffee are recommended.

As far as I could see there was only one other person working there but they were out of sight washing dishes. I was the only customer at the time. I was there for a late breakfast and lingered for quite a while, pretending to read the paper as she kept herself busy tidying the magazine rack, restocking the jars of organic jam that she sells and watering the plants.

We did manage a little conversation, mostly about the weather and stuff and about the menu. She has soft, friendly voice, a pretty smile and a cute bum. I wondered if she shaves her pussy.

I was thinking about her pussy, and how I would like to get acquainted with it, for pretty much the rest of the day. I’ll be back, an if I ever find out if she shaves it I’ll let you know. In the meantime here are some other shaved pussies.

A bit wet

Seymour Totti — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 16:17:04 +0000

I’m all wet

Me, I’ve been off mountain biking in China. Pedaling furiously between mysterious pinnacles of limestone. Stopping occasionally to catch my breath as I round a gnarled and bushy karst to catch sight of emerald green rice fields and the sound of children’s laughter echoing of the rock.

Such wholesome pursuits provide me with a great deal of recreation plus little income but rural China is not a great place for getting your leg over. There’s no shortage of hot babes but unless you are the marrying kind they are firmly out of bounds.

Anyway I slunk back into Hong Kong with the intention of winging down to Bangkok pronto only to discover that the City of Angels is in danger of joining Atlantis on the bottom of the ocean. A few phone calls put my mind at ease. Yes, the bars are still serving and “Please come to Bangkok Khun Seymour, no have customer” they all wailed.

What with floods, red shirts, yellow shirts, avian flu and so on and so forth - it seems like every year something fucks up the peak tourist season. So if you had been planning a trip don’t cancel just because of t bit of water. The girls will be really pleased to see you.

Cleavage

Seymour Totti — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 02:55:33 +0000

There’s something about cleavages. They are like a visual vortex, a fleshy whirlpool into which you’re eyes get sucked. There is no escape. Even if you have no sexual interest in the owner of a particular cleavage if she is exposing it you will be compelled to gaze into it as if the whole meaning of life is contained therein.

Silvio Berlusconi may prefer girls a fraction of his age and regard Angela Merkel as unfuckable but if the latter turned up to an important Euro-meeting in a low cut top he would have to look, he wouldn’t be able to help himself.

A smooth well rounded cleavage is like a welcome sign, and a promise of more treasures within. It’s often said that the sign of a good painting, like the Mona Lisa, is when the eyes follow you around the room. That is also the sign of a good cleavage, when your eyes follow it around the room.

I was reminded of this the other morning when I met a client for coffee. She has a good cleavage and she knows how to use it. Eyes were following it all around Starbucks.

ps. These models also have smooth shaved pussies

Old friends

Seymour Totti — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:35:50 +0000

There’s a lady I run into in sometimes. She lives in Pattaya where she runs a successful deck chair rental business but from time to time she gets the bus up to Bangkok. She leaves the deck chairs to her son and daughter in law and goes off to hook in Thermae on Sukhumvit Road. But why, I asked her. Deck chair business not so good?

“Deck chair good,” she asserted, “but I get lonely, want someone take care me.” I asked her about her husband but she replied in Thai with words that made her friends blush and then nod sagely. “No have husband.” she said finally.

She’s in her fifties, short and a bit dumpy but she has a quick and generous smile. She told me that she made a bit of money working Thermae. At least she didn’t have to pay and she only goes with guys she likes. “Sometimes I boom boom for free if he good man with good heart.” She put her hand on my chest and said; “I think you have good heart,” and all her friends laughed wildly.

She left before daybreak, “Go Pattaya now,” she whispered and let herself out. When I got up later I noticed she hadn’t taken the money I had put next to her handbag.

Read: Thermae: The last chance saloon

Looks can be deceiving

Seymour Totti — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 23:42:25 +0000

I get to spend such a small part of my time at my Bangkok bolthole. I love the place immensely but there’s no money to be made in Thailand so I only get to go there when I’m not doing other things. And in this day and age I find myself having to do a lot more other things just to make enough money to do nothing for a while.

But I digress. I went back for a well earned break and discovered that the convenience store downstairs had a hot new member of staff. I took my shopping to the checkout, gave her a 500 baht note and a little smile. Up close I wondered if she was even eighteen. She had spiky hair, a cute button nose and a small dragon tattoo under her left ear . Her mouth said “korp khun ka” (thank you) but her eyes said “for two pins I’d use you and abuse you and cast you aside like an old bus ticket.”

I felt like a piece of meat only useful for satisfying the carnal cravings of another. It was wonderful, I had to leave the store with my shopping in front so the Korean mother and her 5-year-old wouldn’t see the flag pole in my shorts.

Later that evening I told the tale to Captain Outrageous. The Captain is an old friend who lives close by. “Ah that would be Dow,” he said “I heard she was working over there.” You know her? I asked. “Yes, but I know her older sisters, or brothers if you like, a lot better. They are ladyboys, all the siblings in that family are…” I picked my jaw up from the bar “… and she’s actually 21 so you’ve no need to worry about her age.”

Interview with Captai Outrageous

Toe Suck Fairy strikes again

Seymour Totti — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 15:18:20 +0000

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A notorious toe sucker from the nineties has struck again according to Arkansas police.

Foot fetishist Michael Robert Wyatt, 50, was arrested on Monday after he was identified from a photo line-up by two of his victims. “The man approached them in local stores commenting on their feet and asking to suck their toes,” a police spokeswoman told Reuters.

Earlier in the month an 83-year-old woman told police she was sitting in a chair in front of her apartment when a man approached her. He took off one of her shoes and began sucking her toes, police said.

In the 1990s, Wyatt was convicted and served time in prison for pretending to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway, Arkansas, woman’s toes at a clothing store. He also told a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death. For that, he was sentenced to four years but got out after just over a year.

Wyatt was arrested yet again in 1999 for asking a woman in a Walmart if she wanted him to amputate her feet and showing her pictures of women with no feet.

He was picked up at his home in Vilonia, 50km north of Little Rock.

Story from Reuters pictures from Island Girl

Chinese pussy

Seymour Totti — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 01:45:06 +0000

From time to time I get asked where to find the best Chinese girls. Then I get a look of disappointment when I say Hong Kong. Some people have heard that Shanghai girls are the prettiest, others think Beijing are … and so on. The thing is you can find girls from all over China working in Hong Kong and they don’t carry the risk of being scammed that commercial sex on the mainland has.

People do shag around quite happily in China but alas, I’ve heard too many tales of foreigners being busted whilst with a hooker and then having to bribe their way out of it.

Taiwan is pretty good but pricey unless you hit the snake alley area. Singapore, like Hong Kong, has a rich mix of girls but, like Taiwan, it’s quite expensive.

Submit your Thai

Seymour Totti — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 15:21:41 +0000

A brand new site has popped up called Submit your Thai. It showcases amateur models, though I’d guess they are mostly bargirls, shot by their enthusiastic customers. I haven’t been in the members area but from what I’ve seen the pictures range from hardcore to those endearing group shots where the girls are making rabbits ears. There are also girlfriends and self shot pictures.

Just like in the bars there are girls of all shapes and sizes from skinny to chubby. What unites them is the wonderful sense of fun the girls bring to the task. That sense of fun shows through. There is no pouting here but there are plenty of smiles, and I’ve always found a big generous smile to be much sexier than a perfectly painted pout.

Membership is US$29.95 and yes, you too can submit pics of your Thai.

Nine shaved pussies from Japan

Seymour Totti — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 03:16:15 +0000

I’ve been up to my bollocks in it recently. I don’t usually like to stay in one place for too long but sometimes the work demands it and in the current economic climate you take what’s on offer.

I was having lunch with a colleague the other day, really nice bloke but a bit of a know-it-all sometimes. “If you really want to make money,” he said, “get into porn!”

I nearly choked on my noodles. I made the cursory joke about not having very big tits but he was not to be sidetracked. “You’re good with a camera and you live out there surrounded by bargirls half your life … you’re crazy if you don’t, it’s a gold mine,” he insisted.

He told me I should shoot Japanese girls as they were the hottest, especially the air hostesses he occasionally encountered through work. But he did acknowledge that it would probably require quite a substantial investment to a get a camera into their knickers.

I asked him what sites he’d recommend joining. “Joining?” it was his turn to choke on his noodles, “you’d be mad to pay for porn” he spluttered, “there’s so much free stuff around!”

Brian, it’s people like you that stop me getting into the porn industry.

More shaved Japanese pussy

Zen porn gets a pat on the back

Seymour Totti — Fri, 27 May 2011 04:08:56 +0000

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.Hong Kong’s 3D blockbuster movie Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is to be recognised for its contributions to mankind. According to the South China Morning Post the producers are off to Spike TV’s “Guys Choice Awards” in Los Angeles on June 10 and are expected lift the “Mankind Award” for its “contributions to the mankind.”

“We are so excited that we got invited,” producer Stephen Shiu Jr told the paper “The Guys Choice Awards are like the MTV Awards, and there will be big stars attending. This is very good for our North American theatrical release.”

The movie trousered HK$5 million (US$640,000) on home turf before taking US$1.1 million in six weeks in Australia. The North American distributors, China Lion Film Distribution, are rubbing their paws in anticipation. “We’re looking at a wide as possible release for this ground breaking film in North America and are currently working with our theatrical partners,” said CEO Milt Barlow.

See: Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy
Vote: Guy’s Choice Awards”

American Asian girls

Seymour Totti — Tue, 24 May 2011 04:42:18 +0000

. I was forced to remember, the other day, that Asian girls also exist outside Asia. “What’s the difference then?” demanded my companion, who had just decided he was now drunk enough to broach the subject. Langauge, diet and familiarity with western culture are the main ones, I told him. Girls that speak the same language are able to communicate with you a lot more confidently. They are also more likely to develop a taste for pizza and burgers. And they are also more familiar with your culture. This is important if you are in the market for an Asian girlfriend. It’s often better to get one that’s already domesticated than to bag one in the wild.

More Mets

Seymour Totti — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 01:50:45 +0000

Well I decided it’s time for a few more Met girls to brighten you weary day. Finding Met Asians is always a challenge and while I have nothing against the more ubiquitous blue-eyed blondes I don’t think you need any help from me finding them.

We have a mixed batch today. On the left is Chinese babe Katy Au. Davon Kim is the girl in the centre. With a name like Kim she is probably Korean. I can’t begin to guess where Lily D, on the right, comes from. She looks like a Western/Asian mix or possibly from somewhere in Central Asia. I don’t suppose We’ll ever know for sure but I can tell you one thing … her shaved pussy looks quite edible. As, indeed, they all do.

More Met-Art girls:
The Met Office
Lavinia Chan
Abby Chan
Met-art Asians

Oh bondage, up yours

Seymour Totti — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 13:38:55 +0000

Farewell Poly you were just fucking awesome and you made braces sexy long before anyone else had them.

Poly Styrene aka Marianne Joan Elliott-Said, 3 July 1957 – 25 April 2011

In a manner of speaking

Seymour Totti — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 01:25:56 +0000

Years ago while I was still living in London there was a receptionist at a company that I needed to phone quite frequently. Her voice alone used to drive me wild with simple conversations such as;

“Hello Janice, Seymour Totti here. How are you today?”
“I’m very well thanks Mr Totti. Is it Phil you want to speak to?”
“Yes please”
“Hold on a moment then, I’ll put you through.”

I used to fantasise about my dick being a telephone and that I could feel her breath and the proximity of her lips. I never did find out what she looked like.

Voices can be very sexy indeed. In all the years that I lived in London I think I only ever had one girlfriend who was actually a Londoner. The rest came from different parts of the country or different countries altogether. And I used to enjoy listening to them speak as much as I enjoyed watching the way they dressed.

But nothing made me gasp so much as the day I went to see a new client in Hong Kong. She was an attractive Chinese woman, difficult to put an age to her but I would guess late twenties or early thirties. She wore rather frumpy clothes but it was clear she had a well looked after body beneath them.

Straight hair tied into a pony tail, glasses and full red lips. Lips that spoke with a rich Scottish accent which instantly me into a quivering blob.

Hong Kong is great for that. The daughters of parents who have emigrated return to find their roots bringing with them a whole range of accents that contrast deliciously with the norm.

See also: Mongkok
See also: Hong Kong’s filthy acre

I hang my head in shame

Seymour Totti — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 02:18:06 +0000

Every once in a while I get an e-mail from some evangelical twit telling me what a nasty, disgusting and god-less person they think I am. The last one, from someone calling themselves “Guardian Angel”, suggested the usual trope that I was “..some fat, pissed-up old geezer that hangs out in the bars of Bangkok every night, preying on unwilling girls”.

This hurts me deeply. I am not fat, I work hard to keep in shape.

Actually I don’t drink that much either, though when I do I like a good skinful. After which I tend to fall asleep. But it is a good time for networking.

People like Guardian Angel seem to think that girls are lured from the countryside with the promise of high paying jobs only to find they have been tricked into prostitution. It always puzzles me that people who live half a world away, who have probably never even been to Thailand, always seem to be better informed than the Thais themselves.

Of course I don’t give a fuck what Guardian Angel thinks but they did remind me of the delicious Skin from Burning Angel. Enjoy

Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy

Seymour Totti — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:04:55 +0000

Hong Kong’s first 3D porn movie was launched this week. Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is the story of a young man who gets to know a duke. This allows him access to a world of royal orgies and other sexual shenanigans.

The $3 million dollar blockbuster is a remake of 1991’s Sex & Zen which itself was based on an old piece of Chinese literature called The Carnal Prayer Mat. It is a mix of slapstick comedy, soft porn and violence.

Director Christopher Sun is hoping the film will run through Easter and the May Day holidays. These are key dates for the target audience - tourists from mainland China where films containing smut are routinely banned.

Also recently published is Decadence Mandchoue: The China Memoirs of Sir Edmund Trelawny Backhouse (Publisher: Earnshaw Books). Written shortly before he died in 1943 the book is an account of Backhouse’s adventures from homosexual brothels in Peking all the way to the bedchamber of imperial China’s last great ruler, the Empress Dowager Tz’u Hsi.

Shaved Japanese pussy

Seymour Totti — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 03:46:09 +0000

Well we’ve had tits and ass this past week so it seems only right that we should have pussy as well. Since I know how much you all admire the shaved Japanese kind I’ll post a few of those.

Shaved pussies are not common in either Japan or China. Thick bushy tufts of hair are seen as good luck. Only a few have realised that shaving it off is actually more remunerative. Bargirls in Southeast Asia are far more likely to shave. They learn what their clients like and groom accordingly.
See also: 101 shaved Asian Pussies
See also: G Queen Site Review
See also: A dozen shaved Chinese pussies

The beauty of big tits

Seymour Totti — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:46:09 +0000

A client of mine is an enthusiastic tit-man. I discovered this over refreshments one evening. He was extolling the virtues of his accountants new secretary; “They are whoppers,” he said, spreading his palms out to demonstrate. “You don’t often see Asian gals with boobs that size.”

It’s true, big tits are the exception rather than the norm amongst Asian women but they can be found. I know a working lass in Hong Kong who has a wonderful pair. Full globes that sit heavy in the palm of your hand and between which your cock can disappear.

He introduced me to the accountant next time I was over at his office. Now I’m not particular I like tits of all sizes but, it has to be said, these were jolly impressive.

The bottom line

Seymour Totti — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 04:02:51 +0000

I got chatting, last night, with a gentleman who is a connoisseur of asses. He loves them all, big, small, plump bubble butts or skinny. Western, Asian or African, if a girl sits on it he wants to bury his face in it. And he was very eloquent on his subject. He lamented that there were no websites specifically dedicated to the delightful derrière in all it’s infinite variety.

Nalga’s Club specialises in Japanese asses butt (wahahaha geddit eh?) that was all I could offer him. Here are a few galleries for ass lovers everywhere.

Knock me for six

Seymour Totti — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 23:54:10 +0000

Click me

Hot, Indian swimwear model Poonam Pandey, 20, has vowed to get her kit off if her country wins the Cricket World Cup.

“I’m a cricket fanatic and I’m a diehard supporter of my nation. India needs a lot of support and this is my way of supporting the team,” she told the press.

India beat arch-rivals Pakistan by 29 runs on Wednesday to earn the right to take on Sri Lanka in the final this Saturday. Over a billion people are said to have watched the match but if Miss Pandey flashes her privates I’m sure that will be a drop in the ocean compared to the number of folks that stand upright and tall to salute her country’s glory.

I cougar

Seymour Totti — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:46:08 +0000

Click me

“What milf?”, she asked returning from the bathroom after a post-coital pee. I squinted at her. It can be difficult to tell the ages of Asian girls sometimes. You think they are mid-twenties but then you find out they are forty-something.

Mother, I said drawing an M on the pillow and then repeating the process with I’d, like to, and fuck. Her eyes bulged. Not mine, I gasped.

Do you have baby? I asked her. “No.” Well maybe one day you have baby, then you are a mother. She nodded. But I still like to fuck you.

She leaped back onto the bed, pushed me back and sat on me cowgirl style. “So I not a milf she beamed!” I looked up at her, at the faint wrinkles around her eyes. No, but I think you might be a bit of a cougar.

“Coog?”

Anyone for tennis

Seymour Totti — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 01:47:42 +0000

Fiona Walker, the most famous tennis star to never play tennis, has turned around around for the first time 35 years after the famous picture was shot.

Fiona, now a 52-year old illustrator, was 18 when her then boyfriend, Martin Elliott, took the snap. Athena bought the rights and her delicious bum went on to adorn the walls of many a spotty youth during the 1970s. Despite selling around two million posters she remained anonymous.

“I was very naive and was paid nothing, and I think it’s the biggest-selling poster ever”. She told AFP

She posed with the picture to promote an exhibition of tennis as an art form which opens at the Barber Institute in Birmingham, England on May 27.

Chinese girls

Seymour Totti — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 16:15:51 +0000

It’s time for the annual Hong Kong Rugby Sevens and, like a homing pidgeon with 3-day stubble, I’m back in town to enjoy the fun. I’m also looking forward to getting my leg over and sloshing back a few beers. Until I finish my current project in real life such luxuries are few and far between. . Hong Kong likes to think of itself as a world city and, I have to agree, that is cetrtainly true of the working girls. Here you can find girls from all over Asia, from eastern Europe and from as far afield as central America. But it’s the girls from mainland China that make it a bit special. I don’t know anywhere else where you’ll find such a good selection of Chinese working girls.

Condoms not from Condom

Seymour Totti — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 05:03:40 +0000

A French court has banned the use of the name ‘The Original Condom from Condom, France’. According to AFP the judges ruling states “It is clear that the use of the name, the image and the renown of the town of Condom, without its knowledge, for entirely commercial ends (is) manifestly illicit.”

The condoms in question are produced by royal descendant Charles-Emmanuel de Bourbon Parme and count Gil de Bizemont. But while their company is headquartered in Condom, the luxury, eco-friendly shagging-bags themselves are made in Malaysia and sold mostly to the US.

The condoms are sold via the companies website but are not available in Condom itself or anywhere else in France.

Website: The Original Condom
See also: Fit for a King
See also: Condom Wars

Little Brown Fucking Machines

Seymour Totti — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 01:54:29 +0000

			The phrase was originally used back in the days of the Vietnam war when GIs used it as a term for endearment for their girlfriends. I came across it in the 1980s when I first went to Hong Kong. Back then it was used to describe the girls that hung out The Pussycat and the Makati discos in Wanchai. Most of those girls were Filipinas who were domestic helpers in the daytime and making a little extra on the side on weekends. The phrase was also applied to Cathay Pacific air hostesses, at least for a while. Author Simon Winchester made mention of it in his introduction to the Book Here be Dragons in 1997. Apparently he was informed, the next time he tried to board a cathay flight, that it was already full.

See also: Class of 88
See also: Thai Cuties

No dogging

Seymour Totti — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 02:03:18 +0000

Just in time for Valentines Day some killjoys in Clearwater Bay, Hong Kong have put up a sign in the local lovers lane intended to stop folks driving down there for a quick shag, according to yesterdays South China Morning Post. For those who may be unfamiliar, ‘Dogging’ is having sex in public, probably with a complete stranger and probably while other complete strangers may be watching. In this case dead ones.

This particular lovers lane happens to be next to an ancestral graveyard. According to the English language newspaper the Chinese text reads; “In front of the ancestral tombs, don’t mess around. Ghosts and gods are witnesses to what is happening. You will be responsible for the consequences.”

Presumably the sound of rattling axles disturbs their slumbers. Personally I think the ancestors would be glad of the entertainment, it can’t be much fun being a pile of ashes in a cold urn.

The Met office

Seymour Totti — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 04:15:52 +0000

The weather has been real shitty recently so I phoned the Met office to complain. “It’s the time of the year sir,” they opined. I told them that I didn’t care about that and that I didn’t like being cold and wet. “We’ll send you a few warm fronts sir,” they said, “might still be a bit wet but we don’t think you’ll mind too much.”

I didn’t mind at all but now I have a mess on my keyboard that I’m going to have to clear up before the cleaning ladyboy arrives.

Kiss my ass

Seymour Totti — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 03:06:48 +0000

Click my ass

I was in ShoeMart the other day, in Manila. I had gone to buy, of all things, a pair of shoes. Conversation between myself and the salesgirl was already slightly flirty so, without really expecting one, I decided to to ask for a discount.

“I’m sorry,” she said “we don’t give discounts … so you can kiss my ass.” Exaggerating her American accent for the latter half of the sentence and giggling sweetly.

“Madam,” I replied, with an exaggerated English accent, “had I realised the transaction would afford an opportunity to get acquainted with an ass as fine as yours I would have offered to pay double.”

But she did agree to have dinner with me that evening after she finished work and then later we are able to complete the deal as agreed.

Fuck like rabbits

Seymour Totti — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 22:41:39 +0000

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Kung Hei Fat Choi as they say in Hong Kong. It means happy and prosperous new year. If you are not already aware, this is the year of the rabbit. And, as we all know rabbits breed like … well rabbits. If you were born in 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987 or 1999 you are a rabbit and I expect you all to rise to the occasion. Except those of you who were born in 1999. You’re only 12 and are not meant to be reading this, so fuck off.

Bananamour

Seymour Totti — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 01:28:38 +0000

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The word banana comes from the African language wolof but probably arrived in the English via Portuguese or Spanish. Archaeological evidence suggests that they were first cultivated in Papua New Guinea as far back as 5,000 BCE. They come in a range of sizes and there are even purple/reddish coloured varieties.

Bananas are rich in potassium and the vitamins C and B6. These help in the building of muscles and protein synthesis. The potassium stimulates nerve impulses for muscle contraction. A diet rich in potassium can reduce the risk of hypertension and stroke. And since bananas are free from sodium they can also help reduce high blood pressure.

The vitamins C and B6 help the body to defend against and heal infections. They also help in the synthesis of antibodies in the immune system apart from red blood formation, protein metabolism and functioning of the central nervous system

No other fruit contain more digestible carbohydrates. This is good because, the body burns off calories from carbohydrate more easily and quickly than calories from fat or protein.

Tussinee loves bananas and I love watching her peel.

Visit Tussinee

Fit for a king

Seymour Totti — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 02:31:19 +0000

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If one wishes to live like a king but one is not born with the financial resources to do so, it is gratifying to know that at least one can now fuck like a king. To facilitate this one need only invest five British pounds in a packet of three Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction. Launched to commorate the betrothal of Prince William of Wales to Ms. Catherine Elizabeth Middleton.

“Combining the strength of a prince,”reads the box, “with the sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction promise a royal union of pleasure and style”

According to the website Crown Jewels uses “…only the finest lubricatory preparation with each condom individually wrapped for your pleasure and convenience…” Elsewhere it says “… Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction is dedicated to furnishing the best English prophylactics to discerning clientele across the world.”

They do look very regal in their nice puple box with gold lettering and a picture Willy and Kate making sheeps eyes at each other. Problem is they don’t work. A disclaimer on the site reads “Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Souvenir Condoms are a novelty condom not suitable for contraception or protection against STDs.”

I suppose if you’re the future king one doesn’t have to worry about that sort of thing. One might have to do spot of public billing and cooing for the press rabble but one has a valet to do the messy stuff.