Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Click the pic to see my pussy

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.Yes, I always read it as vulvazela too. I don’t think we’re alone. By now anyone watching the world cup is probably sick to death of the sound of the damn things. But they don’t have to be used this way.

There is a slightly smaller but strikingly similar instrument that gets played in bars around Bangkok, and no doubt Pattaya and Phuket as well, every night. It is part of the infamous Pussy Show. The girls usually lay on their backs on the stage and blow these plastic horns through their lovely little cunts.

That, of course, is only one of the tricks that the dextrous damsels can execute. There are at least a couple of dozen tricks the girls do. Some of them, such as pussy blowing out candle, can get a bit tedious. And pussy smoking is not really very attractive to a non-smoker. But I shall cherish the look of alarm I saw on one Australian gentleman’s face as he observed pussy removing beer bottle top. “Can all the girls do that?” he yelped, obviously fearing for his own top.

In fact not all girls can do it. Some of the tricks take a considerable amount of training and those that involve needles and razor blades could be very nasty in the event of a slight mistake.

A while back I took one of these pussy show girls home. I’d asked if she could bring some balloons and darts and other props. I’ll give you a bonus, I promised. “Can not,” she said, “me get sack if mamma-san finds out.” But she was happy to straddle me and demonstrate. “Have strong pussy … see!” she said giving my cock a delicious squeeze.

It was at that point she spied a large bunch of bananas on the table. They were the small sweet ones but they had only just turned yellow. “Good” she said, not too yellow yet. Get down here.” She motioned me to lay on the floor. She herself crouched leaning backwards on the sofa and tried to fire bananas the length of my body and into my mouth.

We got through the whole bunch of bananas but she did score her goal.

See also: Show time at the Long Gun

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There has been a curfew in Bangkok over the entire weekend. I decided there wasn’t much point in going up there but I did call a few bargirl friends to see how things were. Some had chosen to just hibernate through it while others had gone back up country to see families.

They all felt a rather sad and subdued. Those that work in Nana Plaza were there right until the last evening. Patpong, which was just a stones throw from the barricades, had closed down some days before.

It’s a funny thing, the mainstream media tells the world that Thaksin has huge support in the north-east of Thailand. That’s true, he does, largely because of his cash handouts. But they never mention that most of the country’s bargirls also come from the north-east and I’ve met very few of them who have any liking for the guy.

It was Thaksin that enforced the two o’clock closing time law which shaved a couple of the more lucrative hours off their workday. And between them bargirls do far more to alleviate poverty and provide education for the region’s children than anything any politician has ever done.

One girl who runs a small bar/restaurant on Sukhumvit spoke for many; “I work hard every day, I send all my money back every month. Now cannot! No have customer, no have money!”

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The girls were all looking pretty glum. They were playing bar games amongst themselves to help pass the time. I thought you were supposed to play that with customers I said as I sat down.

“No have customers.” Said one, “Only you” said another. Must be low season I replied. “Low season for whole year” quipped a third.

It’s true tourism to Thailand is way down. I’d been here at the tail end of 2008 when protesters had shut the airport down leaving tens of thousands of tourists stranded. Continued political uncertainty has kept them away this year and the few that are coming are giving Bangkok a wide berth.

Back then it had been the yellow shirts demanding a change of government. If you’ve been following the events you’ll no doubt be aware that this time it is the red shirts. All the taxi drivers are red-shirts, hop into a cab and you’ll find the radio tuned to a live broadcast of the events. It also helps them to avoid the traffic snarl-ups that are caused by them.

Otherwise in Bangkok it’s business as usual. There is little evidence of the struggle that’s going on. I avoid areas where the demonstrations are taking place because if I want to get from A to B it is simply quicker to go around them.

But there is no danger to foreigners. It is purely between the yellows and the reds and apart from the occasional traffic snarl-up visitors are still able to enjoy the city. In fact there is probably no better time to be here. Hotels are so starved of business that they are offering some excellent deals and discounts, particularly at the four and five star end of the scale.

In the bars too, with so little competition from other customers and the girls glad of whatever business they can get, its a perfect opportunity to get yourself well and truly pampered. I finished my beer and paid the bar-fine … for all three of them. Heh, that made them smile.

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I was hardly through the curtain when Mai came bouncing up to me, “How are yoooo,” she said, and without pausing for breath; “You know Arex?” I’d never seen Alex before in my life I told her.

“You remember Poom?” She continued. Poom I did remember, she’d left a few months ago to have a boob job and to get married.

I’d been quite appalled at the idea of her getting a boob job. I thought her tits were gorgeous as they were, I had intimate knowledge of them. Poom wasn’t a dancing girl she was just a waitress. Never-the less she had been very popular and made quite a lot of money.

She would sometimes come around to my place, when I was in town, for lunch and a romp. Afterwards she would fall asleep and I would work. From my desk I could see through the bedroom door to her naked body on the bed. Curled up in a pool of sunlight while the breeze from a fan played with her hair. Yes, I remembered Poom with a great deal of affection.

“Arex is new husband of Poom,” said Mai continuing her introduction.
“Well, well,” I said to him, “you’re the lucky bastard that got her. She’s a lovely girl …” I resisted the temptation to add “… and a great fuck.” Besides Poom herself had just back from powdering her nose and I also had to resist the temptation of squeezing the bum that I knew so well.

I bought a round of drinks but I didn’t get to talk to Alex much. Sensing a party a buch of other girls came over to say hello. Alas I’d only stopped by for a quick one. He was a chef from England but whether he plans to stay here in Bangkok or take his new bride back to the UK I don’t know. Still, he seemed like a decent bloke and I wish them the best.

Click the pic to see Noi get her panties off

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My cleaning ladyboy turned up the other morning breathless with excitement. Did I want another girl to photograph, he wanted to know. Sure, I said, why ever not?

But try to get here a little earlier this time, I told him. I might as well have saved my breath. Admittedly it wasn’t their fault but they actually arrived considerably later than previously on account of having to navigate around a sea of protesters.

She was cute though. Her name was Noi, 24-years old and works as a seamstress. She was also very shy but she did have a lovely, cheeky grin. There was not much light left in the sky so I figured I’d shoot for a short while for the sake of good manners then see if she was amenable to a jolly good fucking.

She was. In fact she was expecting it and I didn’t even need to ask. Within just a few minutes her shyness had evaporated and she spent most of the shoot checking to see if I had a stiffy yet. Of course it didn’t take long and as soon as I had one she wanted to see it. “I never see farang before” she giggled.

After she’d left the cleaner came back with an accusing look on his face. “Noi say she like this job veeeerrrry much.” I’m not surprised I told him, she just earned as much in two-hours as she earns in two weeks at the factory.

See pictures of Noi
See also: My first porn shoot