Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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I was in a Seven-Eleven in Hong Kong the other day when I spied what appeared to be a new line of condoms from Durex. “Ultra Thin”, boasted the box. Everything else was in Chinese. I wondered if this was the long overdue product designed to claw back some of the market share won by the Japanese 0.03 models.

It didn’t say anything about how thin the latex really was on the box. Never-the-less I trousered a packet of three and set off in search of someone to try them out with.

It didn’t take long and I was pleased with the girl I found. She was very fair skinned with an impish grin behind a jagged emo-like, lop-sided fringe. She was wearing a short, red, plaid skirt with a white t-shirt which peeled away to reveal small but delicious pale pink nipples.

She betrayed just a hint of chubbiness but was firm and supple. That, combined with a perfectly smooth pussy - a rarity among Chinese girls, made her look quite innocent. Her hands, however, told a different story.

Although she did say mine was the first western cock she had played with she clearly knew a thing or two about cocks in general. Likewise the condoms which, after peeling away the sealed plastic wrapper, turned out to be nothing more than a variety pack of well-known existing models; Featherlite, Featherlite Ultima, and Elite.

Closer inspection of the box did, in fact, reveal what was inside but you would need to read Chinese and preferably with a magnifying glass.

The young lady seemed to sense my disappointment but my mood brightened considerably at the single minded way she set about achieving her own orgasm before allowing me to cum.

She told me she only had a few days before she had to go back to China and I might be the only western cock she was going to see. She wanted it to be really good. “Was it really good?” I asked. She grinned, pushed my face down into her boobs and hugged me tight.

But what of the condoms? Why can’t western manufacturers come up with a condom to rival the quality of the Japanese? Why can’t the Japanese manufacturers produce a condom size suitable for exporting to the west?

The market is waiting.

See also: Condom vs Condom
See also: Condom Capers
See also:The World’s Most Expensive Condom

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Be prepared. It was a credo I learned in the boy scouts. But if you are travelling it is especially important and being prepared to me means having plenty of condoms handy. If you are travelling to Southeast Asia the best advice I can give you will always be bring them with you.

Condoms are available all over Asia but what you find in one 7-11 maybe different from what the 7-11 down the road has in stock and even if you do find what you want this week there is no guarantee it will still be in stock next week.

Having said that, I know from my own experience that it is not always easy or convenient to grab a few boxes before you fly but if your itinerary takes you to Hong Kong or Singapore you are in luck. Both places have a wide range available. Everywhere else it’s a case of trawling the pharmacies and 7-11s. I haven’t been up to Taiwan or Korea for some time but I would expect both to be reasonably well supplied.

Here is a rundown of brands to look out for. I’ve tried all these with at least two different ‘research analysts’, in some cases three.

Durex Avanti Ultima (polyisoprene - 0.045mm)
These are really good if you are prone to premature ejaculation or if you worked yourself into a state heightened excitement and just know you will explode shortly after penetration. But I wouldn’t recommend them for an extended rut. They’re contoured to the shape of your dick and actually feel good when you first put them on. But they loose elasticity and softness and become rather baggy after several changes of position.

Durex featherlite and Featherlite Ultima (latex - 0.05)
Durex had been my brand of choice many years ago, largely because that was the only brand I knew about back then. So, after years of monogamous, condom free relationships, this was the brand I gravitated back to.

These two are the best of the brand. I was told they are the same condom packaged differently for US and UK markets. Both seem to be readily available around Asia and even on the same shelf in Hong Kong. I certainly couldn’t discern any difference between the two. They are good, comfortable and they go on relatively easily. They are also comparatively inexpensive.

Fuji Zero-0 (latex - 0.03mm)
Once you get them on they’re not bad. They are contoured with a very slim fit shaft. The latex is soft and has good elasticity but they are still tight. The opening ring doesn’t have much play either and if fingers slip in the lubricant and it snaps back you’re going to be spending ten minutes nursing your boner back to life. I speak from experience. There’s a big reservoir at the tip for the hose-pipes of the world. I wondered if this might get in the way but in the heat of battle, I must admit, I didn’t notice it.

Jex USUI 0.03 (latex - 0.03mm)
These have a lubricant jelly made from marine collagen stored in the teat which helps to reduce allergic reaction in those susceptible. They are also very good condoms. They are soft, have good elasticity and very little odour.

Lifestyles
This brand seems to have disappeared from the shelves over the last year or two. In Hong Kong and Singapore I would have put this down to flagging sales in the face of stiff competition from the Japanese. But this wouldn’t explain why they have disappeared elsewhere. If they return I’ll expand here

Okamoto (latex - 0.03)
The flagship of the Okamoto brand is the Platinum, a conventionally lubricated model. There is also the Aloe, lubricated, as you might have guessed with aloe vera, and the Dry Powder. As with most Japanese brands the opening is narrower than on western brands. With these, however, you can easily just pull them open and plonk them over the end and unroll from there. Just keep an eye on your girls (or boys, or ladyboys) fingernails.

The Aloe appears to have become my condom of choice and has been praised by my favourite Bangkok massage girl (who is an excellent masseuse as well as a very sexy lady). She now asks me to bring her a supply every time I fly down.

The dry powder variant would be good for those that like long foreplay sessions allowing them to get their girl suitably wet before any penetration. One girl said it was nicer to give a blow-job on a dry condom. Since anal intercourse usually requires additional lubrication these would be pretty pointless in that situation.

Okamoto Nude(polyurethane - 0.03mm)
After having tried the latex versions I had high hopes for these but they don’t have the elasticity of the latex version making it difficult to get on. And like the Durex Avanti they don’t seem to be very durable.

Sagami Original L-size (polyurethane - 0.02mm)
The cum reservoir on these is tapered rather like the point of a pencil. It’s not a bad condom though but I do find the opening ring still very tight even if it is wider than the Okamoto. If it wasn’t for that it would probably be the best of the polyurethane bunch but I found it just a little too uncomfortable to wear. The packaging is a little different. These come in little blister packs with a peel off top rather like the little portions of butter you get on airplanes. Being a non-latex condom oil based lubricants should be safe.

Sagami Premium (polyurethane - 0.02mm)
The most expensive condoms in the world. At least as far as I know. I wrote-up my encounter with them here.

Trojan (latex - 0.07 non-lubricated )
These suckers are really hard to find in Asia. So far I’ve only found one outlet in Hong Kong. They had the regular, non-lubricated and the Magnum XL. I scored 12 of the former. Getting them on was a breeze, they go over the head and unrolled really easily. But there the party stopped. They are called ultra-thin but at 0.07mm they are more than double the thickness of the Japanese brands and you can feel that with your fingers even before you put them on.

I have been told that thicker condoms are more secure for anal but I didn’t get to put it to the test. The first girl I proposed the idea to suggested I negotiate the services of a ladyboy.

Local condoms
Until further notice, avoid them. They may be cheaper but how cheap do you want to be. Local brands are the standard issue massage parlours and brothels but if you are paying a young lady for her services it silly not to budget for a decent packet of three. It’s not a lot

Bottom line
Non-latex brands are a godsend for anyone who is allergic to latex and they are pretty good. But I do prefer the extra elasticity that latex affords particularly with the slightly smaller Japanese brands.

See also: Condom Capers
See also:The World’s Most Expensive Condom

Dido is a very naughty girl

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As the name suggest Mature Asia is a celebration of of older Asian women. It’s not a slick site, it’s a site that has been developed by enthusiasts for like-minded souls. That said, it delivers the goods adequately enough.

The models are all amateur though I’ve no doubt many of them have worked the bars. They are mostly from Thailand and the Philippines and all appear to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. Their smiles betray an undercurrent of shyness combined with an “I’m being a very naughty girl … and I love it” glint in their eyes. This gives the images a warmth and personality which I find very engaging.

The photographers too are enthusiastic amateurs and while the pics are clear and sharp there is little in the way of wardrobe or make-up. The clothes you see them taking off are, for the most part, the ones they arrived in. I like this. It is just these kind of women that I see when I’m buying vegetables at the market. Its great to see them in regular street clothes and then gradually peeling them off.

The main body of the pictures is divided into two categories 30-39 year-olds and over 40s with the oldest I spotted being 52. The size of the sets can be anywhere from about 80-150 pics. Most of them have hardcore POV pics or dildo action towards the end. There’s also a handful of lesbian sets.

The more recent sets have companion movies taken from the same shoot. These are all wmv format but seem to vary in size and bit rate. The quality is noticeably better for the more recent additions. Obviously the photographers are getting better at their craft.

In addition to the original content there’s a collection of Japanese urabon and a section dedicated to non-Asian milfs. There are free video feeds and games too. Of all the extras the best by a long shot is the handful of picture sets taken from Mature Asia’s sister site Asia Bargirl.

But it is the original content that makes this site special. It’s a niche that isn’t very common and would be worth its monthly subscription just for that.

Subscription is $24.95 for 30 days. Pay by credit card or online check (Checks are US only). Phone billing is available at $29.95. There is also a 7-day trial for $9.95. These subscriptions automatically re-bill each month. You can cancel your subscription through customer support.

Visit site: Mature Asia
More pictures: Mature Asian Women

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The last time I went in for supplies my condom man in Hong Kong had some Sagami 0.02 Premium in stock. “Said to be the best condoms ever,” he assured me, “made with the best quality materials.”

The line was unleashed onto the Japanese market last Valentines day dressed in a sleek little black number with gold blocking. Each condom is encased in it’s own little blister pack with a peel off top not unlike those little portions of butter you get on airplanes.

At 0.02mm thick they are certainly the thinnest and at HK$40 (US$5.16) each they are the most expensive. They come in packs of four but he’s willing to sell singly. I bought two and, because I’m a good customer, he also gave me the packaging.

The first attempt to use one didn’t go too well. I’d tried that evening but the partner I’d chosen was a student from mainland China down on a four week visa to fill up the bank account.

I hadn’t checked beforehand but these are made with polyurethane, they don’t have the elasticity of latex and they were designed for the Japanese market. We couldn’t get the damn thing over the head of my dick and, in the effort of trying, she put her fingernail through it. Polyurethane maybe stronger than latex but it is no match for a well manicured index finger

I decided to save the second one for my favourite masseuse in Bangkok, her hands are possessed by celestial beings. She can bring most men to an orgasm within minutes … but she doesn’t. She gets you almost there and then leans over and whispers “You want special?” Trust me, you cannot say no.

If anyone was going to get it on it would be her. I told her right at the beginning of the session that they were the most expensive condoms I’d ever seen. She was impressed and flattered. She treated me to an excellent bath and body massage before turning me over and starting work on my dick.

I should point out that I am perfectly capable of putting condoms on myself but in the heat of battle it’s good to have someone do it who is in a good position to check for wrinkles. She usually gets condoms on with such ease that you almost don’t notice. Not so this time. She got it over the head but it was so tight the old todger wilted in protest. And this was after a precautionary Viagra.

She removed the condom, nursed some life back into the truculent appendage and had another go. She pulled it over the glans and then put the glans in her mouth for safe keeping while she unrolled the rest of it. She worked the blow-job for a few seconds until she was sure I had a good stiffy before sliding up and trying to guide it into her pussy.

Unfortunately, while the blow-job felt pretty good, I could feel the condom squeezing all the time and as soon as she took me out of her mouth I started to go floppy again. We managed partial penetration but gave up in fits of laughter. We hugged for a while and finished off with a regular condom.

“No good” she pronounced as she transferred the debris to the waste bin afterwards. I’ll reserve my judgement until they come out with a larger size.

See also: Condom capers
Oh and those cute Japanese lesbians

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Pancake made my keyboard dirty, or rather made me make my keyboard dirty. I just spent the last half-hour cleaning it again. It’s almost respectable now. Which is more than I can say for Pancake.

Pancake, or Dirty Pancake, as she likes to be known is deliciously degenerate indeed. A delightful mix of Thai and English and, as far as I know, the only Eurasian nude model. She is fluent in both languages and extremely articulate at the language of love. I know this from the evidence on her website.

She only launched it a few weeks ago but she is working with the good folks that brought us Asha Kumara and Lily Koh so I had pretty high expectations.

The members area is clean and well designed. There is a brief welcome message followed by thumbnail links to the latest picture and video updates. A quick link in the top right corner of each section opens the full index.

The pictures are a generous 2000 pixels along the long edge and we get to see her in a wide range of sexy outfits and lingerie. There is lesbian action, dildo action and even ladyboy action. There are plenty of close-ups of her yummy pussy and with the size of the pics you can make it lager than life end fill the entire screen.

There are five different options available for the videos. Windows .wmv files can be downloaded in high, medium or low resolution. They can be streamed with flash or they can be downloaded in ipod ready mpg.

A very hot picture set and movie

The videos really do look excellent, even the streamed flash versions still look good at full screen mode.

It’s in the video section that we see Pancake getting getting into hardcore sucking and fucking. Some of the videos correspond to picture sets including, I am happy to say, my favourite lesbian set which sees Pancake and her friend Meaw in sexy lingerie giving each other a jolly good dildo-ing.

It may be a new site but there is already quite a lot of content with more being added every week. Along side Pancake there are about half a dozen of her friends. Each one has her own mini site within Dirty Pancake, and each one with it’s own collection of pictures and videos.

For those that want to know everything Pancake will be keeping a diary. Since it is new there aren’t many entries yet but I know Bangkok very well indeed and I know the places she visits. It’s kind of fun to think I might bump into her at the next turn.

Click for movie gallery

Membership of Dirty Pancake includes bonus membership to three more sites; Asian Pantiez, My Wife Jenny and Girls Love Toys. Asian Panties looks good, I haven’t given enough time to the other two yet. But I will.

Another bonus are the four desktop wallpapers, from glamourous to nude.. Choose one to suit the level of privacy your computer enjoys.

In Brief
Pictures - Hi-res, 2000 pixels long edge
Video - DVD Quality, 720 pixels at 3,000K bit rate. There are medium and low quality wmv versions available for slower connection as well as flash streaming and ipod ready mpg

Membership
$24.95 - 30 Day Membership
$59.95 - 90 Day Membership

Phone billing is available

Visit: Dirty Pancake
See: Another Gallery
Read about: Asha Kumara

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Being stranded in Bangkok an extra week allowed me to check out a massage parlour I’d had my eye on for some time but had not got around to visiting. It’s called Love Teen but that’s just a name, all the girls I spoke to were either 22 or 23. Yes, I went four times. Well I was very stressed and besides I had to make sure that the first one wasn’t just luck and that all the other girls were just as skilled, right? Well they are!

You choose your masseuse from a photo album on the reception desk. They all looked cute and you can ask for a few to come out for closer inspection. They don’t offer the soapy massages here. They do still get in the bath with you and give you a good soaping down but there is no slithering around on an air-bed. Instead, after you’ve had your todger thoroughly washed and rinsed, you go straight over to the bed where you get a regular, but slightly more intimate, massage of the highest order.

The girls are very skilled at their job and have obviously been properly trained. She worked over my neck, back, ass and legs. The cares of the day recede and I’m almost ready to forgive humanity it’s transgressions. Well some of them anyway.

The she flips me over onto my back back. There was an item on the list of services called ‘massage ball’. I hadn’t really given much thought to this I just sort of assumed the ‘ball’ was some kind of massaging device. I was wrong. She proceeded to massage my bollocks and cock in a way that would have looked painful had I merely been watching. But it was far from painful. In fact I don’t think I’ve been handled more exquisitely, indeed she could have made me cum within seconds if she’d wanted to.

But she didn’t want to. She was in tune with every slight muscle reflex and knew just how to get me to the edge and keep me there. She kept me there for quite a few minutes. Several times I’d tried to pull her towards me but she kept just out of arms reach and I slumped back as her palms and fingertips folded around and teased me. Presently she leaned forward and whispered “You want special?”

As if she didn’t already know

Bangkok: Massage parlours
See also: A little bit of soap
See also: Little brown fucking machines