Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

I want to hold your baton

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Nurse Cathrine Ashima wants to become a police officer. She passed all the medical and fitness tests but Norway’s finest rejected her because; ‘the applicant was not found suitable on the basis of the following: Work motivation, understanding about the role of the police and a lack of general knowledge.’

She says it’s because of her part-time job of nude model; ‘During the interview one of the women on the board held up some nude pictures of me and started waving them in my face. I think it’s too bad that someone in the police thinks I am unfit to be a police officer because of my great body.’

Meanwhile in Poland pop singer Katarzyna Szczolek is hoping her implants will help her get elected for office in her local authority in Warsaw, later this month. “Beautiful, independent, and competent,” reads the slogan. She’s also quite adept at kissing female friends on stage.

Still, I don’t suppose it’s any more potty than retarded MILFs and witches standing for election in other ‘democracies’.

J Ho love doll in all her glory

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Apparently Kim Kardashian is getting her knickers in a twist about a new look-alike sex doll that is on the market for the princely sum of US$19.95. Suits have been instructed and letters have already been dispatched.

To be fair the box does boast a picture of the aggrieved celeb clutching a Big Mac and bares the legend “When you stick it in her face … it’ll get all over the place”. Well that left me wondering just what you get for your twenty bucks anyway. I’m no connoisseur but I would have thought a leaky love doll and the threat of ones freshly squeezed juices seeping out of her ears would have a rather detrimental effect on a fellows ardour.

So I decided to scour google to see if I could find a pic of the actual doll. I couldn’t find any but it seems that Pipedream Products, the company make it, produce a whole gaggle of celebrity look-alike dolls including Paris, Sarah Jessica Porkher and J Ho. I did find pictures of J Ho and quickly came to the conclusion that a leaky one would be considerably more erotic than one inflated to all its glory.

Never-the-less it would seem, given the rather extensive range available, that there are some folks that feel it is twenty dollars well spent. Indeed there is even a Guido doll for the ladies.

I think the best thing that could be done with any of them is to recycle them into one of these rather fetching anoraks (or hoodie if you prefer) from Sander Reijgers. Imagine going train spotting in one of them!

Click pic to watch trailer

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.I’ve never been that big on comic books though I did make an exception for Garth Ennis’ deliciously degenerate take on super-heroes, The Pro. It’s a story about a single mother who hooks on the side to make ends meet. One day she wakes up to discover she has been given supernatural powers and that the “League of Honour” a group of strangely familiar looking super-heroes is welcoming her into the club.

However, she doesn’t blend all that well with the squeaky clean image of your average Joe Superhero and she shows them, and the values that go with them, up for the anachronism that they are. She also pisses on her vanquished villains and gives The Saint (Superman) a blow job.

The book was originally published in 2002. According to wikipedia there had been talk about a live action adaptation last year. This appears to have been shelved and an animated pilot has been made and posted to youtube. It’s really quite faithful to the original and I hope they go all our to turn it into a series or a feature.

I won’t spoil the story for you, enjoy the clip and I highly recommend you go out and find a copy of the book, Amazon have it.

Check out my pussy, special offer

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There’s a story doing the internet rounds that says shopping can cause impotency in men. I have believed this all along but according to the story boffins have discovered that a chemical compound found on some till receipts contains enough Bisphenol A (BPA) to suppress male hormones in the body.

BPA is the stuff that helps the ink stick to the paper. It also sticks to your fingers so when you stick a doughnut or something into your mouth it carries a payload of Bisphenol A.

Berlin-based urologist Professor Frank Sommer told the Daily Telegraph; “A substance like that could shift the balance of the sex hormones in men towards oestrogen.”

“In the long term this leads to less sexual drive, encourages the belly instead of the muscles to grow and has a bad effect on erection and potency.” he continued.

Encourages the belly eh? So next time the missus wants a Saturday afternoon at the mall just tell that the till receipts will make her fat.

Dr Anri Suzuki wants to compensate

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Dr Anri Suzuki, from Tokyo, is an expert in Sino-Japanese history specialising in the Japanese invasion of China in 1937. But the 24-year old feels deeply ashamed of what her countrymen did back then and wants to offer a symbolic compensation.

“I want to cure the wounds of China with my body, and I offer to do this by having sex with Chinese students in Japan,” she told metro.co.uk.

Dr Suzuki, I do realise that I am not Chinese but I have suffered nothing but grief ever since I learned about the terrible events of 1937 in school. I would like nothing better than to find closure, to put those events behind me and I believe you could help. I will be arriving in Tokyo on Tuesday.

Chinese beauty spot Pinpi Poon. Click for sight seeing.

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A bunch of art students were taking pictures of a local beauty at a local beauty spot in Zhengzhou, eastern China. All of a sudden angry farmer and landowner, Hu Wen, comes galloping onto the scene waving a large stick and chases them all away.

“It wasn’t just the students,” he complained. “We get a lot of tourists walking through the valley and they had all stopped too and were snapping away with their cameras and phones.”

Farmer Wen waggles his stick.

He told Britain’s Metro that he didn’t want those kinds of perverts on his land, that the students should be drawing or painting and not taking obscene pictures. He also said he didn’t hit the naked lady, instead he helped her back into her clothes and gave her a lecture on morality.

I bet it helped his bamboo grow though, don’t you?