Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Click the pic and pull the pudding

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Looks like I’m going to be suffering from Hypersexual Disorder by the year 2013. Hypersexual disorder is essentially enjoying frequent sexual activity with lots of different people, or at least wanting to.

I don’t suffer from it yet because the book in which it is going to be defined, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - which apparently is the dogs bollocks of psychiatric reference books - isn’t going to be updated until then.

Those of you that think I’m already sick (yes, I got your e-mails) needn’t laugh either. You are going to be classified as suffering from Absexuality Disorder along with everyone else that gets a secret thrill out of being disgusted by porn and obscenity.

I would reply to your missives but I can’t be bothered. According to the new book that means I also suffer from cognitive tempo disorder.

And there are plenty more; Intermittent explosive disorder means having a hissy fit and sexual arousal disorder is the new term for “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”

Speaking to The Times Online, Darrel Regier, research director of the American Psychiatric Association and a member of the task force working on the manual, said: “One of the reasons for doing this is that we are concerned about establishing better thresholds of diagnosis for people with a genuine disorder.”

I think he’s suffering from Elevated Importance of Quackery Syndrome which is; expanding the market by inventing new conditions to diagnose and prescribe for.

Click the pic to see some photos of Japanese nurse Nana Takesita who, I might add, has a perfectly edible shaved pussy. Better do it quick, pretty soon they’ll be coming after you with straight jackets and bromide tea.

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A strapping young farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so since didn’t live far he decided to just just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry all this.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Why splendid idea”, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your evil way with me?”

The farmer said, “I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly do that?’

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

See Also: Philosophy is like an erection

. . . . . . Areeya: A goddess with balls

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In a wave of religious devotion thousands of men in India have taken to dressing up as the Goddess Radhi. Radhi, or Radhika as she is sometimes called, was a consort of Lord Krishna, noted for the clarity of her devotion.

According to a story on Ananova it seems that modern devotees of the Lord can express themselves more clearly if they slip into a sari first. Says retired railwayman V. K. Saxena, 72; “I can’t put it into words properly but I feel more holy dressed as a woman.”

Radhi herself was an incarnation of the goddess Lakshmi who was the giver of wealth and prosperity. Cash and crumpet, what more could a deity want? Well according to Saxena: “The Lord told me he wanted me as his bride.” And to fulfill that role he gets to sashay round New Delhi in womens clothing. I wonder If goddesses have sexy underwear too.

Now call me a cynic but I can’t help thinking that if Krishna had wanted a goddess that was hung like a donkey he would have been more inclined to go for someone like Areeya. What do you think?

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The residents of Fucking, Austria are so pissed off with tourists doing just that in front of their sign that they are installing CCTV cameras.

Fucking, with just 104 residents, offers an inviting piece of lawn right next to the village sign post where weary travellers can stop for a bit.

“I’m sure each of them think they’re the first, but believe me they’re not.” said one Fucking resident, “We’ve grown very tired of it and we’re doing something about it.”

Just what the Fuckers are going to do if they happen to catch any folks engaged in frenzied fornication in front of the Fucking sign they didn’t say. I shall be keeping my eye on youtube just in case.

The Shitts aren’t taking any crap either.

On yer bike

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The Maison d’Envie brothel in Berlin, Germany is offering discounts of five euro (about US$7) off the standard rate of seventy Euro (US$100) to customers who arrive on a bicycle or who can proved they arrived by some other means of public transport.

“The recession has hit our industry hard,” owner Thomas Goetz told Reuters, “We hope that the discount will attract more people. It’s good for business, it’s good for the environment — and it’s good for the girls.”

He said the discount is attracting around 3-5 new customers a day and added that the discount has also helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Visit: Maison d’envie brothel