Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

I’ve been up to my bollocks in it recently. I don’t usually like to stay in one place for too long but sometimes the work demands it and in the current economic climate you take what’s on offer.

I was having lunch with a colleague the other day, really nice bloke but a bit of a know-it-all sometimes. “If you really want to make money,” he said, “get into porn!”

I nearly choked on my noodles. I made the cursory joke about not having very big tits but he was not to be sidetracked. “You’re good with a camera and you live out there surrounded by bargirls half your life … you’re crazy if you don’t, it’s a gold mine,” he insisted.

He told me I should shoot Japanese girls as they were the hottest, especially the air hostesses he occasionally encountered through work. But he did acknowledge that it would probably require quite a substantial investment to a get a camera into their knickers.

I asked him what sites he’d recommend joining. “Joining?” it was his turn to choke on his noodles, “you’d be mad to pay for porn” he spluttered, “there’s so much free stuff around!”

Brian, it’s people like you that stop me getting into the porn industry.

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