Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

			The phrase was originally used back in the days of the Vietnam war when GIs used it as a term for endearment for their girlfriends. I came across it in the 1980s when I first went to Hong Kong. Back then it was used to describe the girls that hung out The Pussycat and the Makati discos in Wanchai. Most of those girls were Filipinas who were domestic helpers in the daytime and making a little extra on the side on weekends. The phrase was also applied to Cathay Pacific air hostesses, at least for a while. Author Simon Winchester made mention of it in his introduction to the Book Here be Dragons in 1997. Apparently he was informed, the next time he tried to board a cathay flight, that it was already full.

See also: Class of 88
See also: Thai Cuties

Just in time for Valentines Day some killjoys in Clearwater Bay, Hong Kong have put up a sign in the local lovers lane intended to stop folks driving down there for a quick shag, according to yesterdays South China Morning Post. For those who may be unfamiliar, ‘Dogging’ is having sex in public, probably with a complete stranger and probably while other complete strangers may be watching. In this case dead ones.

This particular lovers lane happens to be next to an ancestral graveyard. According to the English language newspaper the Chinese text reads; “In front of the ancestral tombs, don’t mess around. Ghosts and gods are witnesses to what is happening. You will be responsible for the consequences.”

Presumably the sound of rattling axles disturbs their slumbers. Personally I think the ancestors would be glad of the entertainment, it can’t be much fun being a pile of ashes in a cold urn.

The weather has been real shitty recently so I phoned the Met office to complain. “It’s the time of the year sir,” they opined. I told them that I didn’t care about that and that I didn’t like being cold and wet. “We’ll send you a few warm fronts sir,” they said, “might still be a bit wet but we don’t think you’ll mind too much.”

I didn’t mind at all but now I have a mess on my keyboard that I’m going to have to clear up before the cleaning ladyboy arrives.

Click my ass

I was in ShoeMart the other day, in Manila. I had gone to buy, of all things, a pair of shoes. Conversation between myself and the salesgirl was already slightly flirty so, without really expecting one, I decided to to ask for a discount.

“I’m sorry,” she said “we don’t give discounts … so you can kiss my ass.” Exaggerating her American accent for the latter half of the sentence and giggling sweetly.

“Madam,” I replied, with an exaggerated English accent, “had I realised the transaction would afford an opportunity to get acquainted with an ass as fine as yours I would have offered to pay double.”

But she did agree to have dinner with me that evening after she finished work and then later we are able to complete the deal as agreed.

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Kung Hei Fat Choi as they say in Hong Kong. It means happy and prosperous new year. If you are not already aware, this is the year of the rabbit. And, as we all know rabbits breed like … well rabbits. If you were born in 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987 or 1999 you are a rabbit and I expect you all to rise to the occasion. Except those of you who were born in 1999. You’re only 12 and are not meant to be reading this, so fuck off.