Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

I know a girl who has a goldfish on her right shoulder. “It’s not finished yet!” she pleaded when I asked if I could take a picture of it. And when are you going to get it finished? She told me the next time she goes back up country and has enough money to pay for it.

Tattoos can get quite expensive. This one covers almost all of her right shoulder and is intended to spread all the way down her back incorporating several more fish. The goldfish as a symbol is intended to attract wealth and harmony in both business and personal affairs.

I told her that when she got it finished I would pay her good money to pose nude and show it off. “You give me money I go get it finished tomorrow.” I told her that if I gave her that kind of money she would have to have more than the tattoo artists needle stuck into into her. “Deal!,” she beamed and we sealed it with a high five.

Childish I know but I can’t help but snigger everytime I pass one of these. This one is staffed by two delicious bits of crumpet. Sadly they think I’m only interested in their lemon meringue and egg custards. Little do they know that I dream of eating their muffins.

Contrary to popular belief not all air hostesses are gagging for it the moment they get off the plane. In fact very few are. But for a fellow who finds himself working in some pretty sexually inhospitable places sometimes it is either a trolly dolly or a camel, the natives are out of bounds.

I’ve been seeing a Filipina hostess. She’s married but we both agreed that this was a no commitment affair. But inevitably the conversation rolls around.

“Would it have been any different,” she asks, “if I’d met you before.” Before what I ask. “You know, a long time ago.”

It would have been very different I assure her, you wouldn’t have liked me then. “Why do you think that?” she asks. Because I was the same then as I am now and you would have had no interest in a discreet, no commitment affair. I pointed out that it was perfectly normal to feel bored and lonely when her work kept her away from home. But that if she was unhappy at home she must deal with it without the clutter of another person clouding her judgement.

She told me everything was fine at home but she worried about me. There’s no need, I told her, I’ve come this far alone I’m sure I can make it the rest of the way. She seemed somehow reassured.

She had an early morning flight next day and I left a few days later. I’m still not sure if she was breaking up with me or trying to propose. She has my e-mail address but she hasn’t contacted me since. Probably for the best.

Here’s a trio of delicious, brown shaved pussies. Why? Because they are trio of delicious, brown shaved pussies. What other reason could you need? Oh all right, they are called Emelie, Maya, and Janelyn.

This is Xuan-Vy, she’s Vietnamese and she wants to tell you where you can stick your Christmas pudding!

Call me Scrooge but I don’t like Christmas. Oh I’m all for peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind, you never see any of that though. You get shopping malls engorged with even more crap than usual playing background music that makes you want to punch people.

The best thing about Christmas is girls wearing Santa hats. It makes me want to fuck them. Of course I’d probably still want to fuck them even if they weren’t wearing Santa hats.

Some years ago in Hong Kong I was walking back to the office after a liquid lunch with some colleagues. Along Pottinger Street there are a lot of fancy dress stalls. One of the girls in the group decided it was the perfect time to try on a a few coloured wigs and feather boas.

She was pretty enough but no more than average. In a pink wig however she sent shockwaves down my spine and I had to duck behind the George W Bush halloween masks to adjust my trousers.

Asian girls quite often put highlights in their hair, it’s very attractive. Once in a while you see one with their hair dyed blonde but this is quite rare. A shame because it’s really very sexy. Brightly coloured wigs are just visual viagra but outside of Japanese cosplay you never see Asian girls wearing them. Even in porn it is rare.