Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Come and join us, it’s warm and wet here

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Being semi-resident in Bangkok is actually quite good for the liver. It enables one to build up a network of friends who can be called upon in times of need … and they in turn add you to their network. So you never really need to go out to the bars.

You see I actually like to work in the evenings, I’m more productive then. Especially if I don’t have a nagging erection that needs to be seen to. So the hot afternoons are for siesta and shagging and when you have a nice little network a good fuck is only a phone call away.

And the feelings are mutual, I get called as often as I make the call. “Khun Seymour, you busy?” I tell them I shall be available until 6.00. Often they will be here shortly after lunch. Yes, and sometimes it is they. A plate of som tam and some sticky rice will have been procured and, when they arrive, I slip in a CD of mor lam (Thai pop from the north east) music.

Well by three o’clock we are exhausted, the sun has moved over a bit and will be streaming through the window. We sleep for an hour or so before a slow and lazy round two. By 5.30 it’s everyone into the shower for a slithery scrub. Most of the girls have the traditional cold water and bucket type showers at home and they really like to wallow in the warm rain of a modern bathroom. And I like to watch them.

Afterwards I walk them to the taxi and send them off to their respective bars squeaky clean and smiling, pockets full of cash before their work day has even begun.

. . I suppose most Americans will be thankful if they can get through the holiday without being groped or having their genitals ogled by a bunch of Vogons at the airport. Most of my American friends tell me they like Thanksgiving better than Christmas because it’s a time for being with their loved ones without having to wallow in all the religious bullshit. Thus it can be enjoyed by everyone. Makes sense to me. Readership of this site always drops off much more over thanksgiving that at any other holiday period so before you go I’d like to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh and you can get the t-shirt here.

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Not to be outdone by Katarzyna Szczolek, Czech politician Ivona Fiserova is threatening to strip off completely after being criticised for turning up to an event in a skimpy pink mini dress. “I am even willing to shoot some decent naked pics for Playboy – why not? The money from that can go to charity” she says. “My motto is: If I can help, then it is my duty.”

Actually I think they are both quite shaggable and I’d love to see them do a lesbian scene together, indeed they have a “duty” to do it. If they were my constituency I would certainly pop my cross onto their ballot boxes.

If not then I urge them both to at least be a little more revealing than Tania Derveaux who gave Belgium a stiffy when she posed naked on a poster promising 400,000 jobs. You got to admit it is better than the puerile mud-slinging of American politics.

But I don’t think Americans need worry about Palin’s pendulous boobies causing a swing either left or right any time soon. A pop singers nipple at a football game almost brought the country to a standstill. Besides Republicans always get rent-a-gob Anne Cougar … I mean Coulter to do their controversial bits.

I want to hold your baton

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Nurse Cathrine Ashima wants to become a police officer. She passed all the medical and fitness tests but Norway’s finest rejected her because; ‘the applicant was not found suitable on the basis of the following: Work motivation, understanding about the role of the police and a lack of general knowledge.’

She says it’s because of her part-time job of nude model; ‘During the interview one of the women on the board held up some nude pictures of me and started waving them in my face. I think it’s too bad that someone in the police thinks I am unfit to be a police officer because of my great body.’

Meanwhile in Poland pop singer Katarzyna Szczolek is hoping her implants will help her get elected for office in her local authority in Warsaw, later this month. “Beautiful, independent, and competent,” reads the slogan. She’s also quite adept at kissing female friends on stage.

Still, I don’t suppose it’s any more potty than retarded MILFs and witches standing for election in other ‘democracies’.

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Are you a tit man or an ass man? It’s a question we all face as we grow up, I remember wrestling with the problem when I was about thirteen or fourteen. In those days I didn’t get to wrestle with actual girls very often so thinking about it took up much more of my time.

At that age it hadn’t occurred to me yet that I might have a foot fetish, everything else I did have. Legs, arms, I loved girls with short hair and girls with long hair. And I loved their necks when they tied their hair up on top or in a pony tail. Blondes, brunettes and every shade in-between. And I especially loved hands and mouths, parts on the anatomy that could deliver so much pleasure but were still on public view.

Tits and bums were a sort of a grail and I put my inability to decide down to lack of experience because they were the bits that I didn’t see so often. But as time went by I never did decide which I liked better, I still love them both equally.

I get asked occasionally if I have an Asian fetish. The answer is yes, yes I do. But not to the exclusion of other races, I’m happy to have sex with anyone regardless of race, colour or creed.

Body mods are intriguing too. A lot of people say that the body is beautiful enough as it is and they are right. Nobody needs to decorate their body, but I do have a lot of fun foraging for discrete tattoos. And I love dyed hair, especially when it contrasts with what is expected such as Asians with blonde hair. But pinks blues and greens are also good regardless of skin tones.