Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

No hair in her g-string. Click it and see

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The Forum for Contemporary Music, an orchestra based in Leipzig, Germany, has announced that it plans to play a concert at one of the city’s brothels. The idea, apparently, is to get classical music out of the concert halls and to where the people are.

This coming Friday (November 20th) staff and customers at the Eros Centre will be treated to a series of “licentious and erotic” works which will include Le Flirt by French composer Erik Satie, Seven Erotic songs by Dirk D’Ase and Rhythm Strip - a piece for two snare drums composed by Askell Masson.

The performance comes ahead of a festival devoted to “erotic music culture” in Leipzig which runs from Dec 4-6 called Sex.Macht.Musik. That’s Sex.Makes.Music in English in case you hadn’t worked it out.

I think it’s a fabulous idea. I’m a great lover of music in all its many forms and without a doubt it is a wonderful accompaniment to sex. The second movement of Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 21 works well for a slow and sensuous romp and Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis is good as well.

What’s your favourite fucking music?

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I was in a Seven-Eleven in Hong Kong the other day when I spied what appeared to be a new line of condoms from Durex. “Ultra Thin”, boasted the box. Everything else was in Chinese. I wondered if this was the long overdue product designed to claw back some of the market share won by the Japanese 0.03 models.

It didn’t say anything about how thin the latex really was on the box. Never-the-less I trousered a packet of three and set off in search of someone to try them out with.

It didn’t take long and I was pleased with the girl I found. She was very fair skinned with an impish grin behind a jagged emo-like, lop-sided fringe. She was wearing a short, red, plaid skirt with a white t-shirt which peeled away to reveal small but delicious pale pink nipples.

She betrayed just a hint of chubbiness but was firm and supple. That, combined with a perfectly smooth pussy - a rarity among Chinese girls, made her look quite innocent. Her hands, however, told a different story.

Although she did say mine was the first western cock she had played with she clearly knew a thing or two about cocks in general. Likewise the condoms which, after peeling away the sealed plastic wrapper, turned out to be nothing more than a variety pack of well-known existing models; Featherlite, Featherlite Ultima, and Elite.

Closer inspection of the box did, in fact, reveal what was inside but you would need to read Chinese and preferably with a magnifying glass.

The young lady seemed to sense my disappointment but my mood brightened considerably at the single minded way she set about achieving her own orgasm before allowing me to cum.

She told me she only had a few days before she had to go back to China and I might be the only western cock she was going to see. She wanted it to be really good. “Was it really good?” I asked. She grinned, pushed my face down into her boobs and hugged me tight.

But what of the condoms? Why can’t western manufacturers come up with a condom to rival the quality of the Japanese? Why can’t the Japanese manufacturers produce a condom size suitable for exporting to the west?

The market is waiting.

See also: Condom vs Condom
See also: Condom Capers
See also:The World’s Most Expensive Condom

Yume wants to watch you masturbate

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Most kids figure it out on their own eventually but in Extremadura, a district in south-west Spain, youngsters are getting a helping hand … from the local government. A €14,000 (US$20,800) campaign with the slogan “Pleasure in your own Hands” has been launched aimed at teaching 14-17-year-olds how to best enjoy their own company.

The campaign includes leaflets, flyers and workshops where they receive instruction on masturbation techniques along with advice on contraception and self-respect.

It all sounds very reasonable to me but of course it has sparked controversy in the largely catholic nation.

“This is an intimate subject that should be dealt with at home,” whinged local right wing opposition leader Hernández Carrón.

“They are interfering with the right of parents to educate their own children about a matter as important as their sexuality,” stormed the conservative Confederation of Fathers and Mothers of Schoolchildren.

Unfortunately conservative positions on most things are are about the same; ‘If it feels good, abstain!’ Which is about as potty as you can get. And they would be horrified if they were to discover parents who really were teaching their kids effective wanking.

Learning to masturbate is an important part of growing up but it’s not something parents can teach or that their children can ask them about. So I’d like to give a big thumbs up for Laura Garrido, president of the Youth Council of Extremadura, for caring about the sexual well-being of her constituents.

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I’ve never been a sentimental person. My material needs are few and I’ve always lived by the creed of; “depend on no-one and let no-one depend on me”, certainly for my emotional well-being.

But I’m not really heartless and I do care about the people I spend my time with. So it was with a significant twinge sadness that I discovered, when I went down to one of my favourite Bangkok bars recently, that two old friends had since moved on.

“Go back up country.” Said another friend. The dancing girls are transient things, they come and go, but these were waitresses. I’d known them both for about five years. Whenever work was slack they would always come and sit with me regardless of whether I was buying them drinks or not. They were good company and always kept me up-to-date with the latest bargirl gossip.

I asked this girl if she had their numbers. “I have but no have phone here.” The girls have to keep their phones in their lockers during work hours so I sent my number to her phone and she promised to forward it.

After two weeks I had heard nothing. It’s probably for the best. If they really have gone back up country I’m part of a past that they may well not want following them. I can respect that. So I quietly thank them for some truly wonderful memories and raise fresh bottle to new friends.

See also: For services rendered

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A new Asian Met girl landed in my inbox today, at least new to me.

Her name is Yuka which suggests she is Japanese but that doesn’t really mean much. Its quite fashionable for Chinese and Thai girls to give themselves Japanese names.

Yuka does look more Chinese to me though. Whaddya think chaps, Chinese or Japanese?