Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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.She flung herself at the pole and, clinging with her right leg and both hands, spun around like a top. The toe of her left boot whizzed within inches of the head of a punter who was sitting at the stage side.

As the spin lost momentum she flipped herself over and landed, heels first, with a loud crash onto the stage floor. This was greeted with whoops and cheers from her colleagues around the bar, and blood curdling scream from Ton who had tucked herself under my right arm.

A second dancer didn’t even have the boots on anymore. Coming out of her spin she also went head over heels on the pole and planted her bare bum squarely on the head of another customer. Ton made a mental note to try that move sometime.

Most go go bars in Bangkok don’t have the space for such antics. It could be argued that the Long Gun doesn’t either but that is part of the attraction. The Long Gun is really quite a small bar so a certain amount of ‘audience participation’ is inevitable.

On an occasion when I was called upon to assist, the lovely Ton turned herself upside down between two poles. Coming out of the move she swung a leg over each of my shoulders and slid, pussy first, into my face. All I had to do was stick out my tongue for a sweet lick. I refrained, of course, for fear that she might lose concentration and crash to the floor breaking my neck along the way.

The Long Gun is one of Soi Cowboy’s oldest bars. According to Ton it currently employs about fifty dancers in total. Not all of them work the poles so spectacularly. Others do themed costume dances in which the themed costumes, such as schoolgirls and Hawaiian beach babes, are gradually removed during the course of three or four songs. There are slow and sexy lesbian routines and a selection of tricks from the infamous pussy shows that have intrigued and amused for donkeys years.

They don’t do a full complement of tricks. The show has been streamlined to fit within the context of a broader presentation. This is a good thing because some of them can get a bit tedious. But whistles, blow darts and banana torpedoes are all in evidence. “Need strong pussy,” says Ton informatively.

The blow darts are fired at balloons which are often held aloft by members of the audience.

The star of the bar is Apple. She’s a striking lady with punky, bleach-blonde hair. Unfortunately she is quite hard to catch. Ton tells me she doesn’t work every night. I went along on three consecutive nights, Thursday to Saturday, in the hope of buying her a drink and having a chat but was unlucky each time.

Even if you are not lucky enough to see Apple it is still a great show. Just remember, if you are bellying up to the stage, that you might be part of it.

See also: A gogo girl at Buffalo Bridge
See also: Paddy’s bar