Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Not me specifically but it’s a question I’ve been asked a few times now. The last time was a gentleman who had been to Bangkok and found the girl of his dreams only to discover that she was, in fact, a ladyboy. So besotted was he that he took the girl back to his hotel anyway and had; “the most awesome sex imaginable.”

Now back home his nights, it seems, are torn between lurid fantasies of ladyboys and fears that he might be gay.

I’ve encountered plenty of ladyboys over the years and some of them are very hot indeed but my interest has always been tempered by the knowledge that they have a penis. I have tried but I’m afraid I can find little enthusiasm for anyone’s dick but my own.

Captain Outrageous, on the other hand, is an expert. He is also a journalist who appreciates the economy of a direct question. So I put the matter to him.

Captain, are you gay?
Hah, how many times have I been asked that one? No, of course I’m not gay. Gay men are aroused by masculinity and that doesn’t do a thing for me. When I’m walking along the road or sitting on the subway I’m not looking at other men I’m looking at women who, I might add, I retain a healthy interest in. But that for me is the acid test, when you find yourself turned on by masculinity is when you can consider yourself gay.

But what could be more masculine than a penis?
The penis is a remarkable and beautiful part of the body and it is a great shame that it is more usually attached to a sweaty, ugly male. But there is a crossover point, ladyboys are not simply blokes in drag. As they move more into the ladyboy lifestyle they lose the essential mannerisms of maleness and adopt those of a female. That’s when they start to become interesting.

But nobody is really fooled into believing that a ladyboy is actually female
Don’t you believe it. I’d wager there have been times that you have ogled some girl without realising she was a ladyboy.

What you have to remember is that not all ladyboys work in the sex industry. Its not in a bargirls interest to try to hoodwink a customer into believing she’s a genetic girl. Things can turn ugly when they get back to the hotel and he discovers she’s not.

Ladyboys work in all areas of commercial life and, whilst there is no hard line between them, they can be divided into three main categories.

The first of these is the perhaps most visible. They are the boisterous girls you will find working in the cabarets, at Casanova bar in Nana Plaza, or trawling Sukhumvit Road late at night looking for customers. These tend to be the larger build girls, and sometimes they are outstandingly tall. These girls are quite obviously ladyboys and anyone attracted to this type is well aware of his own sexuality, comfortable with it and doesn’t give a hoot what anyone else thinks.

The second type are the most numerous. Most of the time you are aware that she is a ladyboy but by no means always. You’ll find her dancing in go go bars such as KC3 in Patpong. You’ll also find her working in beauty parlours, the fashion industry, design, PR, cosmetics counters and anywhere else where you could expect to find regular girls working.

They are very feminine but its their hands and voices that give them away. Their allure is quite difficult to describe. Not quite like that of a girl but definitely not that of a male. They are a third sex altogether. A female with a sexual appetite every bit as urgent as your own. People who are attracted to this type regard themselves as totally heterosexual but have a taste for adventure. They yearn for something more, something forbidden.

The last type are the least visible. This is because the changeover is almost complete and they are outwardly indistinguishable from genetic girls. They started taking hormones at a very early age, side-stepping puberty, developing natural breasts and abolishing the need to shave their chins. They rarely work the bars and if they do it only to raise enough cash for the operation. You can be attracted to this type without ever knowing she is a ladyboy.

I suppose if you are into anal they are the ideal companion then?
I’ve told you before sex with a ladyboy is explosive, you should try it yourself sometime.

Site: Captain Outrageous
Blog The Third Sex
See also: Interview with a pornographer

Asha has nothing to do with the story, she just looks great

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She was in tears. I don’t like making girls cry but this was beyond my control. “It’s p-p-purple” she wailed. I pointed out that it had been but now it had mostly faded to a yellowy-brown.

Then she begged me to tell her again about the flight of stairs in the Kathmandu hotel where the second from top step had snuck out from beneath me and left me to bounce down the rest. Largely on my right buttock. This was rewarded with another peal of laughter

I decided not to mention the indignity of the following morning when I’d had to squeeze said buttock, rather gingerly, into the confined quarters afforded by a 24-seat Yeti Airlines turboprop for the flight to Pokhara.

I slid down into the bubbles. She slipped in facing me pushing her thighs beneath mine and my legs around her waist lifting my bum a little off the bottom of the tub. “OK?” she asked. OK, I confirmed. She began to soap both of us all over, I closed my eyes.

Pokhara is about 20 minutes flight to the west of Kathmandu. To one side of the town is the Phewa Lake and the World Peace pagoda. To the other is the mighty Annapurna, arguably the most beautiful section of the of the whole Himalayan range.

It is possible to trek around Annapurna, you need to budget three weeks. It can be done quicker, I’m told, but it depends on the stamina of the individuals in your group and the length of time it takes to acclimatise to the altitude. I had nothing like that amount of time. I had only a few days so my plan was to fly into it.

This, of course, required me to cram my dented derrière into and even smaller aircraft. A micro-lite, owned and operated by the Avia Club of Nepal who offer Skytreks of 15, 30 and 60 minutes.

After a journey like that I wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the full monty so the following morning I presented myself at the airport where I was bound and trussed in windproof clothing in preparation for the flight.

Despite the extra padding the runway still felt like it was made of corrugated iron as we barrelled along to take-off. But all pain is forgotten, along with any apprehension about flying in a motorised hang-glider, the moment we lift off.

We bank, fly over the town and follow the Seti gorge toward the mountains. Below there is a patchwork of implausibly remote farms held together by threads of footpaths and small roads.

There is some turbulence as we pass through a thin layer of cloud but emerging through the top the view is so stunning that I almost forget to breathe. The summits of the mountains seem so close and so crystal clear it feels like we could just fly onto them. But at an altitude of about 12,000 feet we are probably not even halfway up.

The pilot cuts the engines and suddenly there is silence. We glide across the roof of the world with only our thoughts and the wind in our ears. It is a special moment indeed. To the west I can just see the summit of Dhaulagiri, where the last alleged evidence of the Yeti had been found. To the east the mountains stretched off as far as the eye could see.

Right in front is the spectacular fluted summit of Machhapuchhre or Fishtail mountain. It commands most of the attention. After what seems like only a few minutes the motor is restarted and we start the journey back flying over Sarangkot and the World Peace pagoda. My sixty minutes was up. I was so enchanted by the experience that I quite forgot to brace my buttocks for the landing.

Ouch! I said. “You OK?” asked my masseuse again. Yep, I said, just have to remember not to put all my weight onto the right side. On the bed she gave me an excellent massage, gently rubbed some tingly stuff into my bum and then took me back into the heavens for another 60 minutes.

See also: Raising the bar in Kathmandu

“Now let’s see if it fits in here”

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.The Thai government is about to introduce a new penis measuring device to enable it’s male population to find the right sized condoms. The paper tape measures a width of between 49 and 56 millimetres - covering the “Thai penis size standard”, said Dr Somyos Kittimankhong of the Department of Disease Control’s (DDC) anti-Aids division.

“Larger size condoms can slip off or deaden the pleasure during sex, while smaller ones will cause discomfort to wearers. These factors dissuade people from using condoms - which encourages the spread of HIV/Aids,” Dr Somyos told The Nation newspaper.

But condoms cost money to buy and in provinces not many people have a great deal of that stuff to spare so the government has earmarked 200 million Baht (US$6 million) to give out freebies. It’s all part of a campaign called “Condom for All” and is being launched in response to a spike in the number of gay men and sex workers contracting HIV.

Now it’s all for a good cause and it doesn’t do to mock but it does make me wonder if the countryside is going to be filled with lines of farmers waiting to present their willies to efficient looking office ladies for girth checking prior to being furnished with a packet of three.

But to be serious for a moment the Thai government really should talk to some Japanese condom manufacturers about a franchise. The cheaper locally made condoms that are available at the moment are just rubbish and it’s no surprise that no-one wants to use them.

See also: Condom vs Condom
See also:The World’s Most Expensive Condom

No hair in her g-string. Click it and see

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The Forum for Contemporary Music, an orchestra based in Leipzig, Germany, has announced that it plans to play a concert at one of the city’s brothels. The idea, apparently, is to get classical music out of the concert halls and to where the people are.

This coming Friday (November 20th) staff and customers at the Eros Centre will be treated to a series of “licentious and erotic” works which will include Le Flirt by French composer Erik Satie, Seven Erotic songs by Dirk D’Ase and Rhythm Strip - a piece for two snare drums composed by Askell Masson.

The performance comes ahead of a festival devoted to “erotic music culture” in Leipzig which runs from Dec 4-6 called Sex.Macht.Musik. That’s Sex.Makes.Music in English in case you hadn’t worked it out.

I think it’s a fabulous idea. I’m a great lover of music in all its many forms and without a doubt it is a wonderful accompaniment to sex. The second movement of Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 21 works well for a slow and sensuous romp and Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis is good as well.

What’s your favourite fucking music?

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I was in a Seven-Eleven in Hong Kong the other day when I spied what appeared to be a new line of condoms from Durex. “Ultra Thin”, boasted the box. Everything else was in Chinese. I wondered if this was the long overdue product designed to claw back some of the market share won by the Japanese 0.03 models.

It didn’t say anything about how thin the latex really was on the box. Never-the-less I trousered a packet of three and set off in search of someone to try them out with.

It didn’t take long and I was pleased with the girl I found. She was very fair skinned with an impish grin behind a jagged emo-like, lop-sided fringe. She was wearing a short, red, plaid skirt with a white t-shirt which peeled away to reveal small but delicious pale pink nipples.

She betrayed just a hint of chubbiness but was firm and supple. That, combined with a perfectly smooth pussy - a rarity among Chinese girls, made her look quite innocent. Her hands, however, told a different story.

Although she did say mine was the first western cock she had played with she clearly knew a thing or two about cocks in general. Likewise the condoms which, after peeling away the sealed plastic wrapper, turned out to be nothing more than a variety pack of well-known existing models; Featherlite, Featherlite Ultima, and Elite.

Closer inspection of the box did, in fact, reveal what was inside but you would need to read Chinese and preferably with a magnifying glass.

The young lady seemed to sense my disappointment but my mood brightened considerably at the single minded way she set about achieving her own orgasm before allowing me to cum.

She told me she only had a few days before she had to go back to China and I might be the only western cock she was going to see. She wanted it to be really good. “Was it really good?” I asked. She grinned, pushed my face down into her boobs and hugged me tight.

But what of the condoms? Why can’t western manufacturers come up with a condom to rival the quality of the Japanese? Why can’t the Japanese manufacturers produce a condom size suitable for exporting to the west?

The market is waiting.

See also: Condom vs Condom
See also: Condom Capers
See also:The World’s Most Expensive Condom

Yume wants to watch you masturbate

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Most kids figure it out on their own eventually but in Extremadura, a district in south-west Spain, youngsters are getting a helping hand … from the local government. A €14,000 (US$20,800) campaign with the slogan “Pleasure in your own Hands” has been launched aimed at teaching 14-17-year-olds how to best enjoy their own company.

The campaign includes leaflets, flyers and workshops where they receive instruction on masturbation techniques along with advice on contraception and self-respect.

It all sounds very reasonable to me but of course it has sparked controversy in the largely catholic nation.

“This is an intimate subject that should be dealt with at home,” whinged local right wing opposition leader Hernández Carrón.

“They are interfering with the right of parents to educate their own children about a matter as important as their sexuality,” stormed the conservative Confederation of Fathers and Mothers of Schoolchildren.

Unfortunately conservative positions on most things are are about the same; ‘If it feels good, abstain!’ Which is about as potty as you can get. And they would be horrified if they were to discover parents who really were teaching their kids effective wanking.

Learning to masturbate is an important part of growing up but it’s not something parents can teach or that their children can ask them about. So I’d like to give a big thumbs up for Laura Garrido, president of the Youth Council of Extremadura, for caring about the sexual well-being of her constituents.