Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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Buffalo Bridge is in fact a small bar area known as Saphan (bridge) Kwai (buffalo). It’s a small strip of less than a dozen grass roots level bars that specifically target the local market. It’s an area I don’t go to often because it’s a long hike to get there and is decidedly low key compared to the major bar districts.

Where it does score points is that a good many of the girls come from the far north. These girls boast the fairer skin tones that are favoured by their Thai clientele whereas their sisters on Soi Cowboy, Nana or Patpong are predominantly from Isaan. Me, I’ve always maintained that variety is the spice of life. I don’t believe that any single ethnic grouping is more beautiful than another. Delightfully different yes, but equally delicious.

Another drawback for non-Thai visitors is that very little English is spoken. Most bars can produce one or two girls but unless you have a smattering of Thai your choices are limited.

Having said that, I was sitting in a bar where one young lass was so fluent in English that I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. Within minutes she had my immediate fut… sorry our immediate future mapped out before me. She told me what we were going to do, where we were going to do it, how long it would take and what it was going to cost. Negotiation - impossible, resistance - useless.

Of course I just paid the bill and walked away. I dislike hassle and she sounded like she could become a major hassle.

But she was also a gilt-edged beauty from the Lanna region of northern Thailand. She had a crystal clear complexion with just a hint of Chinese, silky smooth hair tied in a pony tail. Lissom body, fabulous almond-shaped eyes which, standing in her high-heels, could look almost directly into mine. I got an erection without even touching. I wanted to see her naked, I wanted to fuck her … at least once.

A good friend of mine claims that the ones that are ballsy and brassy in the bar often become very demure when you get them out of their familiar surroundings. He was referring to ladyboys, I wondered if the same might not be true of girls.

So few nights later I returned. She skipped over to my table wearing a big smile. “We can go hotel tonight?” she asked. I told her No. “Why?” she demanded. I pointed out that I had no intention of paying good money for an hour in a short-time hotel when I had a lovely apartment with a hot shower, nice bed, well stocked fridge and a TV.

She went on an extended pout that lasted just as long as it took for me to finish my beer and ask for the bill. “OK”, she said, “we go apartment.” Like any good business woman she recognised that losing the sale completely would be more costly than losing only her commission from the hotel. I think the promise of a hour or two watching TV played a part as well.

As we barrelled along the highway getting further away from the bar she became more and more pensive. By the time we walked across the lobby of my apartment building she had become as soft-spoken and gentle as a lamb, wincing at the click of her own high heels.

The first session between the sheets she reverted to her old self, taking the lead and riding cowgirl until we were both exhausted. After an hour or so of TV and snacks we went back for round two which, drenched in essential oils, was slow, gentle and affectionate. I rewarded her generously and she rewarded me with her telephone number

She had to get back to her bar before closing time so I walked her down to the taxi. Again she was the perfect model of a respectable young Thai Lady. Unfortunately the security guard and the taxi drivers at my apartment block all know me better than that.

More about Saphan Kwai