Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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The residents of Fucking, Austria are so pissed off with tourists doing just that in front of their sign that they are installing CCTV cameras.

Fucking, with just 104 residents, offers an inviting piece of lawn right next to the village sign post where weary travellers can stop for a bit.

“I’m sure each of them think they’re the first, but believe me they’re not.” said one Fucking resident, “We’ve grown very tired of it and we’re doing something about it.”

Just what the Fuckers are going to do if they happen to catch any folks engaged in frenzied fornication in front of the Fucking sign they didn’t say. I shall be keeping my eye on youtube just in case.

The Shitts aren’t taking any crap either.

Don’t click, just think about my pussy

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“Wow”, she said as my jocks dropped to the floor. “Wow” she said again as she squeezed my thickening dick in the shower. Complementing a client on the size of his dick is a good business practice for working girls and most of them would tell you it was a whopper even if you were hung like a gnat.

But like most men, I consider myself to be only slightly above average, I’m certainly no Desmond donkey drawers. This young lass thought otherwise. “Wow” she said as I lay on my back reaching full stretch.

At this point she bottled. She was one of the student types that hop over the border from Shenzhen to hook for a week or so and stock up on Louis Vuitton bags and shoes.

Now I’m not sure what her boyfriends across the border might be like but it prompted me to drop a line to my old friend Captain Outrageous to ask if, in his considerable experience, he thought there was any truth in the notion that Asian dicks are significantly smaller than western dicks.

“I’ve no idea,” chortled the Captain, “I’ve not really had any experience with western dicks other than my own … and that’s a monster! Most of my ladyboy friends have to stand up in the taxi going home”

But I digress. The lady was sitting on the bed next to me fashioning a small circle with her thumb and index finger. “Smar” she said pointing at her pussy with her other index finger. Then she grabbed my cock and said; “Big”. She offered me a hand job. I made it clear that I hadn’t travelled across Hong Kong for a hand job but she was not interested. I took one last look at her tight little pussy put my clothes back on an left.

I’ve no interest in making the girl feel uncomfortable and, in retrospect, I was grateful that she refused. I have known girls who take another approach and slather on way too much KY. The problem with this is that lube gets inside the condom and the thing slips off. And that’s a risk that neither of us need.

So I tried another door, another student from China, but this one was much more enthusiastic.

This is Jade and she is launching a new site called Dirty Asian Slut. It’s a good name, it describes the star perfectly. Jade enjoys sex. She likes to get her gorgeous tight pussy drilled … no I mean drilled … with a drill. She finds them a bit more manly than regular vibrators. Click on the thumbs below for movie and picture previews.

Visit site: Dirty Asian slut

On yer bike

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The Maison d’Envie brothel in Berlin, Germany is offering discounts of five euro (about US$7) off the standard rate of seventy Euro (US$100) to customers who arrive on a bicycle or who can proved they arrived by some other means of public transport.

“The recession has hit our industry hard,” owner Thomas Goetz told Reuters, “We hope that the discount will attract more people. It’s good for business, it’s good for the environment — and it’s good for the girls.”

He said the discount is attracting around 3-5 new customers a day and added that the discount has also helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Visit: Maison d’envie brothel

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The Amora Sex Academy opened in Berlin on Thursday welcoming visitors with the slogan, “Finally, an exhibition for those who always have to touch everything.”

The show boasts more than 50 interactive displays which guide visitors around the naughty bits of both males and females. It offers tips on everything from striptease to oral sex and how to achieve a perfect orgasm.

There are numerous life-sized plastic models. One female mannequin lights up and yells “That’s it!” when a visitor manages to put his finger on the G-spot. Hmmm, I wonder if it has mood swings too.

Next to that is the Spank-o-meter which measures the pleasure enjoyed by another mannequin when thrashed with a leather whip.

Uta Barkow, the manager of the Beate Uhse sex chain which is hosting the academy told Reuters; “It’s been very well received so far. A lot of exhibits have that ‘aha’ effect on a lot of people.

The museum also shows film clips of various sexual positions, including the “Italian chandelier” that, the viewer learns, can burn up to 920 calories per hour.

The exhibition was first in London and will be moving to Barcelona next

See: The Italian Chandelier at Bestsexpositions.com