Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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The last time I went in for supplies my condom man in Hong Kong had some Sagami 0.02 Premium in stock. “Said to be the best condoms ever,” he assured me, “made with the best quality materials.”

The line was unleashed onto the Japanese market last Valentines day dressed in a sleek little black number with gold blocking. Each condom is encased in it’s own little blister pack with a peel off top not unlike those little portions of butter you get on airplanes.

At 0.02mm thick they are certainly the thinnest and at HK$40 (US$5.16) each they are the most expensive. They come in packs of four but he’s willing to sell singly. I bought two and, because I’m a good customer, he also gave me the packaging.

The first attempt to use one didn’t go too well. I’d tried that evening but the partner I’d chosen was a student from mainland China down on a four week visa to fill up the bank account.

I hadn’t checked beforehand but these are made with polyurethane, they don’t have the elasticity of latex and they were designed for the Japanese market. We couldn’t get the damn thing over the head of my dick and, in the effort of trying, she put her fingernail through it. Polyurethane maybe stronger than latex but it is no match for a well manicured index finger

I decided to save the second one for my favourite masseuse in Bangkok, her hands are possessed by celestial beings. She can bring most men to an orgasm within minutes … but she doesn’t. She gets you almost there and then leans over and whispers “You want special?” Trust me, you cannot say no.

If anyone was going to get it on it would be her. I told her right at the beginning of the session that they were the most expensive condoms I’d ever seen. She was impressed and flattered. She treated me to an excellent bath and body massage before turning me over and starting work on my dick.

I should point out that I am perfectly capable of putting condoms on myself but in the heat of battle it’s good to have someone do it who is in a good position to check for wrinkles. She usually gets condoms on with such ease that you almost don’t notice. Not so this time. She got it over the head but it was so tight the old todger wilted in protest. And this was after a precautionary Viagra.

She removed the condom, nursed some life back into the truculent appendage and had another go. She pulled it over the glans and then put the glans in her mouth for safe keeping while she unrolled the rest of it. She worked the blow-job for a few seconds until she was sure I had a good stiffy before sliding up and trying to guide it into her pussy.

Unfortunately, while the blow-job felt pretty good, I could feel the condom squeezing all the time and as soon as she took me out of her mouth I started to go floppy again. We managed partial penetration but gave up in fits of laughter. We hugged for a while and finished off with a regular condom.

“No good” she pronounced as she transferred the debris to the waste bin afterwards. I’ll reserve my judgement until they come out with a larger size.

See also: Condom capers
Oh and those cute Japanese lesbians