Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Kamagra and condoms are essential male accessories

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“Kamagra”, I said knowing full well that they wouldn’t have a clue what Kamagra was. But it gave me a few precious seconds to think.

I’d been first off the plane at Bali’s Ngurah Rai airport, I’d whistled through immigration and, since I only take hand-carry luggage, it was just the customs desk left between me and freedom. The customs desk clearly hadn’t seen any customers for a while. Three officials were sitting around chatting in one queue leaving the other two unattended. Their eyes brightened when they saw me barrelling towards them.

The first thing they discovered when they opened my bag was a large box of Japanese condoms. Inside this were two blister packs of Kamagra. The most senior of the officials was looking at one of them with a puzzled expression. “Same same Viagra”, I offered.

“Make you strrrrong?” Enquired the second rolling his rrrs enthusiastically while drawing his left fist upwards in a semicircle and slapping his right into the crook of his elbow.

“Bagus,” I told him in his own language and emphasising it with the internationally recognised upward pointing thumb. “I bought them in Bangkok.”

By now the third official was inspecting the pack. There were still three tabs in it, the vacated blister just a fond memory of the previous evening at the LoveTeen massage parlour. “You can give one to my boss?”

“But he’s already strong,” I said, trying to fight back the smirks. Where I come from telling a complete stranger that your boss suffers erectile dysfunction would be a sacking offence and would probably merit a punching out as well.

True, I use them as recreational drugs. I regard them as a lifestyle choice, an essential male accessory every bit as important as condoms and a shaving kit. But it’s not a lifestyle that I would expect your average uniformed government official to admit to any more than the suggestion that he can’t get a stiffy. Yet there he was waiting with baited breath for my reply.

“Sure,” I said trying to adopt a classic French shrug, “Keep those, maybe you have one each to try.” Three faces beamed. The way I’d figured it was that if I said yes they might let me go, if I said no they would definitely keep me there a lot longer. I was keen to ensure that the question of why I was travelling to Bali alone with a weeks supply of Kamagra and a huge box of Okamoto 0.03 aloe lubricated condoms didn’t get asked.

As it turned out they couldn’t get rid of me quick enough, they even zipped the luggage up again for me. I was going to advise them to take it about 30-60 minutes before commencement of hostilities and to warn them that it’s effects would be impaired if they took it directly after a heavy meal but they shooed me away. Anxious, no doubt, to huddle down behind the x-ray machine and divvy up the spoils.

See also: Recreational drugs
See also: Art Vs Porn #973(b)
See also: Song and dance