Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Hi babe, can you speak Bonobo?

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It seems the oldest profession may be even older than we originally thought. Scientists in Germany have discovered that male chimps who are willing to share the swag from their hunting expeditions get laid more frequently than the cheap Charlies that don’t.

Of course you and I have known this all along, flash the catch and babes will beat a path to your wallet. It comes as no surprise then that the same is true for our nearest relatives.

But I presume they are studying the common chimpanzee because the Bonobo species are complete trollops anyway. They will fuck any and everyone just as a way of saying “good morning”. A generous Bonobo would get so much pussy he wouldn’t have time to hunt.

But it does makes you think. I bumped into Jennifer, the hot typist from the marketing department, in the supermarket the other Saturday. If I’d been a bonobo I could have given her a packet of pasta and shagged her right there by the Kellogg’s corn flakes. It would have been improper not to!

See also: Jolie good show | See also: Nice work | See also: The name game

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Alina Percea, the hot 18-year-old Romanian girl who is selling her first ever fuck on a German website, is still a virgin. According to Britain’s The Sun the auction had been suspended amid allegations by her former teacher that she was lying. However a trip to the gynaecologist has proved the teacher wrong and the auction has been restarted.

Alina is hoping to raise US$70,000 to pay for her university fees. The successful bidder gets to stay with her for a whole weekend because she doesn’t want her first time to be a quickie.

“I don’t see anything wrong in what I am doing. Some people may criticise it but this is my own decision, made of my own free will and no one is forcing me to do this,” she says.

Bidding ends on April 23rd. Good luck with the auction Alina.

Place your bid: Here