Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Click quick and screw your bolt into sweet Elise

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In an effort to make it bigger Taman Sri Skudai, a welder from Johor Baru in southern Malaysia, stuck his bolt through a very appealing nut. Unfortunately after he got a stiffy he couldn’t get the nut off again.

The 20-year-old, who is due to be engaged next week, took himself off to the hospital but staff there had to call the fire department. But, according to Malaysia’s The Star they too were unable to remove it

A few days previously staff at University Malaya Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur had to call the fire services to try and cut a steel ring off another chaps willy after several attempts to remove it had failed. It is believed he slipped the ring onto his penis to increase his sexual prowess.

Porn and hookers do the trick for me

See also: The Benchmark of Desperation

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Cambodia’s Number One condoms were designed for the benefit of gays an sex workers according to AFP. But it turns out the the water-based lubricant that they come with is an excellent cure for acne.

Twenty-nine-year-old vendor Tep Kemyoeurn told AFP. “After I used it for three days, all of my acne dried up and went away,” she said. “Many people believe in it,” she added.

Khen Vanny, from Phnom Penh, said that women of all ages have taken to using it. “It is very effective. Some people don’t believe in it but people who do really get a good result,” she said. “My youngest sister and my aunt use it too.”

This, of course, is excellent news since the condoms cost 500 riels (about 12 cents) each which is a fraction of the cost of other acne treatments. But it does make me wonder how this was first dicovered. Source:AFP

See also: Condom Capers
See also: Recreational Drugs

A more complete nun

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God does work in mysterious ways. Poor old Father Rungi has had to scrap his idea of a beauty pageant for nuns because his bosses weren’t too keen.

“The local bishop was not happy, but they did not understand me either.” he opined. “It was interpreted as more of a physical thing. Now, no one is saying that nuns can’t be beautiful, but I was thinking about something more complete.”

Meanwhile in Bulgaria Father Cyril Papudov is to be placed under 24-hour surveillance because his particular ‘gift from god’ is a field cannabis plants.

The Father has been arrested seven times but he has never been caught actually cultivating the crop.

One police source told local media: “He is a man of the cloth and so a lot of people don’t want to think badly of him but frankly if someone has a huge crop of cannabis in their back garden it’s highly unlikely they are just sitting there admiring its horticultural properties.”

Me, I’ve just added nuns to my long list of fetishes.

Maid in heaven … yes, I know she’s not a nun but she has some disgraceful habits

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I’ll bet a good may of you have fantasised about them from time to time but did you ever think you’d see the day when there would be a beauty pageant for Nuns? Well Father Antonio Rungi, from Mondragone near Naples, say he expects at least a thousand to enter his “Sister Italia” contest.

Father Rungi wants to dispel the myth that nuns are frumpy old fuddy-duddies. “Today it’s not like that any more, thanks to an injection of youth and vitality brought to our country by foreign girls”. He said there were nuns from Africa and Latin America who were “really very, very pretty - the Brazilian girls above all”.

“Nuns are women above all else, and beauty is a gift from God,” he said. He also pointed out that nuns would not wear swimsuits or revealing outfits and that what he valued most in a woman was “inner beauty”.

“Nuns deserve much more attention they they get”. He said nuns had both “physical and spiritual beauty”, and often did social, caring or hospital work in which an “attractive presence” was an advantage.

Father Rungi,who has organised religious services on Naples beaches at which sunbathers can say the rosary, said photos of the contestants would appear on his blog at the beginning of September for online readers to vote for their favourite.

Unfortunately his blog doesn’t appear to accepting visitors at the moment.

All together lads “Oooooh, how do you solve a problem like Maria …”

Anna

Naam

Edmilyn

Cosima

Cielo

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I heard this in a bar the other night so grab a beer and click open a gallery before you read it

An accountant gets home late one night and his wife says to him, “Where the hell have you been?”

“I was out getting a tattoo,” he replies.

“Tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo?”

“I got a hundred dollar bill on my cock,” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill on his penis?”

“Well,” he began, firstly I like to watch my money grow; second, once in a while, I like to play with my money; Three, I like how money feels in my hand; and lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!”

See Also: Philosophy is like an erection
See Also: Annual check-up