Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Hold still a moment, I think you’ve got something in your eye

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“Hi Khun Seymour,” she beamed as she put the bottle in front of me. “How you?”

“I’m good, Em, and how are you?”

“I’m not Em, I’m Lek!” I was shell-shocked, I’ve known her for at least two years and I’d always thought her name was Em.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I thought you were Em.” She stuck her bottom lip out. “But if it will help make things better”, I continued, “go and get yourself a drink.” She beamed again and was gone.

Thai bargirls never get names muddled up. Even after an absence of a few years, if you bump into someone you knew back then, it’s quite probable she’ll still remember your name.

“Chogdee ka.” Said Lek, offering her glass of lemonade.

“Chogdee krap.” I replied clinking my beer bottle against it. “Where is An today?”

“An no work here anymore, have boyfriend.”

“Really, when did she leave?”

“About six week ago.”

“Noooo, I saw her here last week. In fact here she is now!”

“That On, An no work here”

“On?” I was reeling “But that girl over there is also On right?”

“No, she Ohm! m-m-m”

“Ohm? Her hair used to be wavy and has she dyed it again?”

“No, you thinking An. She no work here anymore”

“Ah!” I said, unconvinced.

“Ah go with customer maybe she come back later”

“Oh, I see”

“Oh dancing, look … why you laughing?” Oom had dug me in the ribs from behind and was angling for a drink.

I’m not making this up. That is only a few of the names that serve to confuse an addled brain. You can rest assured that their sisters, Nok, Nut, Noi, Na and Nee, to name just a few, will be doing their utmost to achieve an incorrect slot in the filing cabinet of your mind.

They are all very common names in Thailand. Knowing that these girls have dealt with them since schooldays it is not so surprising they find remembering names like Peter, Jim, Robert and Stephen such a breeze.

I never did find out which one was Em.

You can study bar girl names at Little Brown Fucking Machines