Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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With the 2008 Olympics in Beijing looming I decided it was time to take a look at some of this years athletes. The video on the left gives a glimpse of the Mosjenko and Bucha, the formidable Ukranian Pelvic Power Lifting team.

The right clip shows the American gymnasts going for the Precision Vault using a very difficult routine known as the flip ‘n’ donk. Very satisfying if you get it right but fraught with danger.

In the picture on the right Chinese babe Ellen Chan sportingly gets her kit off and shows us her gorgeous shaved pussy.

Buy condoms here

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Captain Outrageous is one of Asia’s leading ladyboy photographers. He has lived in the region for donkey’s years and has been involved in the ladyboy scene since long before the advent of the internet and digital cameras. We got together over a case of Beerlao and had a bit of a chat.

Captain, how many boob jobs do you think you’ve sponsored over the years?
Three and a half! In each case I have paid up for someone I cared about. In one case there was a distinct possibility that the ladyboy in question would have been passed A1 for drafting into the military. Up to 10 percent of 18-year-old Thai youths are selected each year for two years’ military service.

She was terrified at the possibility, and nearly fainted with happiness when I offered her the boob job. Extreme feminacy is about the only way out of being drafted ‘ the army isn’t big on troops with tits. The half, by the way, was for a ladyboy who only had 50 percent of the cost of the operation. I told her she would look silly with one tit, so I gave her the balance as a birthday present.

You’ve been involved in the ladyboy scene in Asia longer than most, long before there was any such thing as the internet. How did it begin for you?
I was a young journalist on my first ever trip to the Far East, to Singapore. I was with a small group of other people, and we were met at the airport and taken out for the night. We went to Newton Circus for some hawker food, and then one of the local people suggested a visit to Bugis Street. None of us had heard of the place or its reputation, but anywhere that sounded like Boogie Street had to be fun.

Old Bugis Street

We arrived and sat at a small table. The place was packed. I was tired, drunk and jet-lagged after the 14-hour flight. Probably the best state to be in to witness what came next, for at about midnight, out of the shadows and the sidestreets, came these gorgeous creatures. They looked to me like delicious oriental girls, and there seemed to be an endless number of them.

If there were women seated at the tables, they would pose for photographs. Where there were only men, they would sit down and whisper in your ear such dirty things! I had no interest in men, and in fact I was married. But I felt hot with excitement, the kind of rush you feel when you are an adolescent getting to know girls for the first time. I didn’t really understand what they were, but I knew that I desperately wanted to find out.

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Kung Hei Fat Choi is Cantonese for Happy and Prosperous New Year but that language is only spoken in Hong Kong. I can’t remember the Mandarin pronunciation but the characters will be the same.

Today is the first day of the year of the rat, and the beginning of a new 12-year lunar cycle in Chinese astrology. If you were born in 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, or 1984 you are a rat. If you were born in 1996 you are also a rat and if you don’t leave this page now you will go blind. Come back in six years when you are a man.

Our model wasn’t born in the year of the rat but she was born in Hong Kong. She has a most edible shaved pussy and for two pins I’d be up there like a rat up a drainpipe.

People born in the Year of the Rat are most compatible with people from the years of Dragon, Monkey and Ox.

Hot Rats
Cameron Diaz, Charlotte Bronte, Daryl Hannah, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lauren Bacall, Mata Hari

I’ve always like the idea of fucking standing up. High heels do help if the girl is tall enough. But now, it seems they have other benefits too. According to an article on the BBC website Italian urologist Dr Maria Cerruto suggests that a two inch heel could strengthen pelvic muscles.

This is good news for everyone since it these muscles help sexual performance and satisfaction. They also provide vital support to the pelvic organs, which often weaken after childbirth. Exercises can help but sexy shoes are a lot more fun … though tottering around on six-inch stilettos are probably not what the good doctor had in mind.

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It’s been bloody cold in Hong Kong these last few days. I do not like the cold. The old todger shrivels up and my bollocks get like a walnut. Hong Kong buildings aren’t designed to cope with this (it only happens for a couple of weeks a year) so it in invariably just as cold indoors as it is out.

On evenings like this most folks stay home with a bottle of something nice and a movie. But I’ve never been very good at that lark, TV and movies hold little fascination for me. The whereabouts of little Miki does intrigue me though and since I was in that area of town I decided to continue my search.

It was about seven o’clock and there were a lot of people hurrying home from work. Presumably it’s a busy time for professional ladies too, with guys stopping in for a quick one before scurrying home to wife and kids. Suffice to say the first few places I tried I didn’t even get an answer.

The last door I tried was on an open passage way on the third or fourth floor. The main road was below and across it and level with me was a modern keep fit centre with an army of lean sweaty bodies pounding the treadmills in the wall sized windows.

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Now if Real Doll made an Asha Kumara model I would be the first to place an order

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In his new book Love and Sex with Robots, artificial intelligence expert David Levy claims we shall soon be shagging androids. I haven’t read it, I haven’t been able to find a copy and I can’t be arse’d to order it online. But from reading a few reviews I’m beginning to wonder why anyone would fork out for book that spends 320 pages stating the obvious.

For as long as I can remember women have been using vibrators and men have been using a wide variety things, from inflatable sheep to putting a piece of prime steak under the grill for a few minutes and then wrapping that around their cock, in their private moments alone.

The current state of the art sex toy for men is Real Doll. These have completely articulated skeletons to allow anatomically correct positioning and use a blend of the best silicone rubbers for an ultra flesh-like feel. Each doll is custom made to your specifications. You can choose from a range of body types, skin tones, faces and hair styles.

A Real Doll

The dolls look pretty good, I could fuck one. And since the company has been in business for over ten years presumably plenty of people are happily fucking them. Adding robotics and artificial intelligence is the obvious next step.

The problem I have with them is; what do you do when you get bored and want another. You can’t exactly give them their taxi fare and send them home like you can with a bar girl. True they won’t get jealous if you bring another one back but at the princely sum of US$6,499 you’re not going to be doing that too often. And they are not going to get any cheaper once the software is installed.

I suppose you could always start a brothel and try to recoup some of your investment. You wouldn’t have to pay the dolls, they could work 24/7 and there would be no risk of unwanted pregnancies or life threatening diseases.

Incidentally, the state of the art sex toy for women is me and I’m much cheaper than a Real Doll