Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

She was giving me that look, the one where she stares at while you’re watching the TV. The one that makes you feel like a grubby peice of meat. I love it when they look at you like that.

I was in a bar called The Bridge in Wanchai, I’d stopped in for a quick beer after a meeting and wasn’t planning on getting into any mischief. I was staring hard at the TV wondering who would speak first. “Hello Honey”, she said.

Well we exchanged all the usual pleasantries, she was from the Philippines. She told me she had only been in Hong Kong a day and that she had come to visit her friend who was also at the bar.

Then her phone rang. Without a hint of embarrassment she answered it, made arrangements to meet the owner of what was definitely a male voice in half an hour and hung up. “Is this your first time to Hong Kong?” I asked. “Yes”, she said and then answered her phone again. The second fellow was going to have to wait until tomorrow it seemed.

“What was I looking for?”, she wanted to know. I wasn’t actually looking for anything but I wasn’t going to let that little detail stop me. “I’m looking for the kind of girl that likes to have wild sex with total strangers in return for a moderate fee”, I said. She made it clear that she wasn’t that kind of girl at all and stomped off to talk to her friend.

A short while later she had to leave to go meet her date but before she left she passed me a slip of paper, blew me a kiss and said “Call me.” I watched her as she went down the steps. “Nice bum”, I thought, and slipped the paper into my wallet.

The girl flashing her knickers is Fucking Machine Joyce. Click the picture to find a few more of her. Click here to find LOADS more

Find out more about LBFMs here

I got into schoolgirls back in the sixties. I remember it well, mum and dad took me to the movies to see The Great St Trinians Train Robbery. I had a stiffy throughout. The Japanese, of course, have taken schoolgirlism to a whole new level but they are no less beguiling. So, in honour of professional schoolgirls everywhere let’s have a rousing chorus of the St Trinians School song:

Stride towards your fortune,
Boldly on your way,
Never once forgetting,
There’s one born every day.
Let our motto be broadcast
“Get your blow in first”
She who draws the sword last
Always comes off worst.

St. Trinian’s St. Trinian’s, our battle cry,
St. Trinian’s St. Trinian’s, will never die.

This, gentle reader, was supposed to a family movie!

Our model comes from the Schoolgirl Fever website. Click on the picture if you’d like to see her being taught a lesson, click here to visit the site

I’ve received numerous e-mails asking me about Thai massage. There appears to be some confusion as to what it really involves. Of course my first answer to that is go and experience it for yourself.

Now I’m sure you’ve all seen those books that have titles like “Five people you must do before you die”? Well, a Thai masseuse is two of them.

But before we get ahead of ourselves lets clear up the confusion. There are basically three types of massage that you can indulge in:

1. Thai traditional massage. Traditionally Thais are very conservative, nothing doing on the nookie front but the massage is quite good.

2. Herbal massage. You can smell the heady vapours as you walk past. Linger around outside for a minute or two and you’ll be able to clear your blocked nose. Rub that stuff on your dick and you’ll be joining the legions of exotic dancers in no time. That said, I have found a herbal massage parlour that offered me a two girl option over two hours with things like tea oil and coconut butter rubs as opposed to things that smell like Vick’s vapour rub. Nope I haven’t tried yet but it is only a matter of time. Check back often

3. Body massage. Ah now we are talking. Body massage or sometimes called soapy massage can take two forms. In some parlours there are extra large bath tubs that will

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