Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

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If you thought the G-string was old hat move on up to the C-string. The C-string is a small, triangular piece of fabric that would just about cover the pussy. This tapers out to a narrow strip of wire which curls underneath, slips neatly into the bum crack, and round up the back. Its own springiness holds it in place.

“Kiss goodbye to panty-lines and tan-lines with the incredible C-String Invisible Underwear! The C-String is a completely new and exciting innovation in lingerie. It fits your figure with no need for side-straps!” crows the companies website.

I have to confess it does have a certain appeal. It would be a snap to get off if you’re having a quickie in the airplane toilet. It could even be used to keep hair out of the way during said proceedings.

The website also suggests wearing it on the beach for an all round tan. Again it is an idea I heartily endorse and if this thing catches on I can see myself spending considerably more time at the beach than I do now.

The only downside I can see really is that pointy bit at the back could pose a bit of a problem if your mate finds herself needing to put in on in a hurry.

It is available in red, blue and a pink swirly pattern at £14.99 for www.lovehoney.co.uk.

As you can see our model on the right is wearing a conventional G-string. Click on the thumbnail and you’ll be able to see her not wearing it.

According to it’s website Boost Plus contains 14 grams of high quality protein to help build muscles and skin. It also says it contains ‘molybdenum’, which helps turn iron into hemoglobin for making red blood cells.

According to Christopher Woods of New York it gave him an erection. One that would not go away!

Now, I’d no idea what molybdenum was so I consulted the oracle of profound knowledge, Wikipedia. Apparently it “is a chemical element in the periodic table with the symbol Mo and atomic number 42. It has the third highest melting point of any element, and for this reason it is often used in high-strength steel alloys.”

Well, I think that when you’ve got your knob reinforced with something like that it is time to party. Instead poor Chris Woods had an operation and is now suing the manufacturers of Boost, Novartis, for an undisclosed sum.

It would have been cheaper and more fun to just hop on a plane to Bangkok for a couple of weeks.

And that got me wondering. Viagra is notoriously inefficient when mixed with alcohol so I shall be ordering a case of Boost Plus and heading off to the Darling Massage Parlour for happy hour and then Patpong to test out some theories.

It’s all in the name of research!