Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

She reminds me so much of a delicious girl I once had the pleasure of knowing.

I was hanging out in a favourite haunt of mine, the Top Gun bar in Jakarta, Indonesia and had got sidetracked from my mission by one of the older gals. She was well past her sell by date and no amount of alcohol was going to convince me to give her one. We both knew this of course, but I’d actually known her for more than a year so there was no pressure.

But she did have a heart of gold and a fabulous repetoire hilarious and salacious stories, largely about former customers.

Anyway the night wore on and it began to dawn on me that there was little point in me looking for something to cuddle because the only thing I was going to be pushing up, when I hit the pillow, would be a line of zzzzz’s. I remarked on this as I paid for the drinks and wobbled towards the door.

“Come earlier tomorrow,” she yelled behind me, “I’ll look after you.” A promise that was met with wild and enthusiastic shrieks of laughter from her friends.

Well fate took me to that end of Jakarta the following day anyway and, whilst I was in no mood for another session, I figured a hair of the dog before dinner and then an early night would be in order. I walked in and the old gal was propped on the end of the bar in her accustomed position. Next to her was a vision.

“Hi,” she said, “I brought you a present.” The vision smiled and looked down, as if trying to bury her chin in her collar bone but as she did so her eyes lifted and looked straight into mine. I got a stiffy.

“Now buy me a beer and take her away,” said the old gal. I didn’t need telling twice. We went to the movies then we went to dinner. She was nineteen, from the island of Madura at the eastern end of Java. She’d been in town just two days and, like many girls, she’d come to Jakarta to “improve her English” and earn money so she could finish college.

We eventually wound up back at my hotel, she was drop dead gorgeous and I was stone cold sober. This present was going to be unwrapped slowly.